Need Prayer and Advice

[RMS2003]

Hi guys,
I normally don't post in this area of the forums. You'll usually find me in the organ room. I'm going through a really tough time right now and I just feel like I'm at my wits end with this situation.

I've been a part of this church since 1994. I was 9 years old when I started going there and now I'm 22 1/2. I grew up around a lot of people who are still there and have met many new faces over the years. Our church has been through many battles but I suppose that's normal with any church. I started playing music there when I was 14 and continue to do so today.

Without getting into details, I'll just say I've been unhappy about certain circumstances. A lot of it having to do with the music ministry but there are a couple of other things too. About the same time, a friend of mine invited me to their church on a Tuesday night. I went and was very blessed by the service. They even asked me to get up there and play. I really felt at home and everyone made me feel welcome. So I went back that Sunday night. I was going to miss our Sunday evening service but due to the weather, we ended having just one afternoon service anyway so it worked out. The music was such a blessing to me. They sing my style of music (they do sing some contemporary songs as well).

I went again on Tuesday night and I thought for sure that maybe it was time to think about moving churches. I decided to go again for both Sunday morning and evening services. As a courtesy, I emailed my M.O.M. to let her know so she could make arrangements for someone else to play. My pastor's wife found out I wasn't going to be there and I suppose since I didn't give any reason, she became concerned.

She came by the office where I work to talk to me. We talked about various things at first and then she said she had heard I was going to be gone and wanted to make sure nothing was wrong. Quite honestly, I was really being put on the spot here. I knew this was coming but didn't expect it to happen this soon. I probably didn't say everything I wanted to say, but I was very nervous about this. Anyway, we talked about 10-15 minutes before she left. I know I had hurt her and she was speechless that I felt the way I did.

Ever since then I've been a mess. I'm more confused than ever. Mostly I feel guilty for hurting my pastor and pastor's wife. They are great people who have been through a lot over the years. They've faced many disappointments but an equal amount of blessings from the Lord. I guess that's just part of being a pastor.

Now I'm starting to wonder if I made the right decision to attend this other church on Sunday. I've been praying constantly for God to give me the answer. I'm still waiting for an answer. Maybe it's just not the right time yet. The answer could come in a dream, through another saint, or God could speak to me. I still plan to go to this other church this weekend, although I still feel terrible. I'm hoping some clarity will come out of going this weekend.

I've asked myself the question many times if the circumstances that have made me unhappy are God's way of telling me it's time to move on because He has a plan for my life. I know God is not the author of confusion or trials that come against His children. That being said, why does God allow people to get sick. I certainly know God is not the author of any sickness or disease either. Here's my feelings on that...I think God sometimes allows trails to come our way because when it's all over, we come out stronger and wiser than before.

So I ask that you please pray for me. It tears me up inside knowing I've hurt my pastor and his wife, but there's nothing I can do to take back what's already been said. And leaving a church of 13 1/2 years is not exactly an easy thing to do either. I just want to make sure what ever decision I make, it's the will of God.

Thank you for your prayers, I greatly appreciate it. Feel free to give me any advice you feel might help me.

God bless,
Ryan

[LaylaMonroe]

Wow, you're so mature to be so young.

Honestly, I'm not sure why you feel so badly, unless the Lord is purposefully allowing you to feel uncomfortable to get your attention.  There is no reason to feel guilty for visiting another church, especially if you've handled all your business.  You advised your MOM that you'd be there so s/he could get a replacement.  Now, all you need to do is send your tithe and offering, and go enjoy Jesus at the other church.

I truly am baffled as to why you'd feel guilty about visiting another church when it appears there's someone to fill in the gap in your absence.  The church is not going to fall apart without you.  It took me a long time to realize that; but no matter how essential a role you play, things will not fall apart just because you're not there.

You're not talking about resigning; you're talking about visiting... one Sunday... 

[nessalynn77]

Ryan, I can appreciate your predicament, as I have been there myself.  You're on the right track by praying and seeking the Lord, and I think ultimately your answer will come from Him and you will know that what he shows you is His will for you at this time.  

With that said, let me say that there is nothing wrong with taking a Sunday to visit elsewhere, especially since you notified the appropriate people.  Even if you weren't considering leaving, sometimes you need a break, to which you are certainly entitled.  Go, and enjoy yourself.  Try to forget about all of this other stuff, and just get into the service and have a good time.  When you go to a service where you are not obligated to work, you really have a rare opportunity to relax and enjoy Jesus.

I also want to say that I admire your class, as a lot of people tend to want to put all the business in the street and tear down the people who are making them angry or giving them problems.  In your post I can feel your genuine desire to do what's right and also the frustration you feel along with the love and attachment you have with the people you have served with for so long.  

I pray that God will give you peace about the decision you're making.

Much Love,

Ness

[nessalynn77]

LOL!  Rue, we were on a spiritual wavelength there! 

[pastor rob]

 

With that said, let me say that there is nothing wrong with taking a Sunday to visit elsewhere, especially since you notified the appropriate people. 

Does this rule apply to the pastor also?

[pastor rob]

Ryan,
praying for you and your leaders.

[LaylaMonroe]

Does this rule apply to the pastor also?

The pastor is responsible for feeding the people... and for leading the people... he can't do that if he's not there.

BUT, with that said, I still don't think there's anything wrong with a pastor taking a day off; in fact, I think it's a very good idea for a pastor to take a vacation away from the church.

My pastor back home takes the entire month of August off, every single year no matter what, and has done so for as long as I can remember.  He does not come to church at all, for any reason, under any circumstances.  Of course, not all pastors can do that, but I do believe they should take at least one or two weeks off from time to time to recharge their batteries, be ministered to, get a change of scenery, unwind, destress, etc...

LOL!  Rue, we were on a spiritual wavelength there! 

I know, right?!!!!!  LOL!  I like the way you said it, though.  Especially your 3rd paragraph.  That was good stuff.

[nessalynn77]

Does this rule apply to the pastor also?

Yup.  As a Pastor, he may have to give more notice because it may take longer to cover all of his responsibilities, but EVERYBODY deserves a break SOMETIME.  If he goes to another church to be ministered to, just stays home, leaves town, he needs a break just like the rest of us, maybe even moreso.

[Mysteryman]

Sometimes I take time off from church to think and pray. I have seen people mostly in the pentecostal/apostolic church struggle to leave a church. The Lord led me to leave a church I was at when I was a babe in Christ. I so glad I did. I wanted to grow musically but had a hard time at my church. I tried to talk things out with the saints and my pastor. I was made out like I was the bad guy. I was very depressed I ended up going to play for another church on Sundays for about 6 or 7 months. I still attended my church during the week and some Sunday nights. I actually came out of that depressed mode going to this church. They helped me out more than they know. lol I ended up coming back to my church to play. I believe God allowed me to do that because he knew what I needed. Opened my eyes a lot to music ministry.

I hope you find the answers you are looking for.

[pastor rob]

Yup.  As a Pastor, he may have to give more notice because it may take longer to cover all of his responsibilities, but EVERYBODY deserves a break SOMETIME.  If he goes to another church to be ministered to, just stays home, leaves town, he needs a break just like the rest of us, maybe even moreso.

agreed. just wanted to see where you were coming from. i really try and take the bride on and out of town trip every year, sunday included. then at least once a year, her, the brats and i take and in-town trip, sunday included. if possible i take time off in the church. i'm there but, the bride or someone else ministers for a month.

[changedman]

I'll just say this....I wrestled with leaving for some years!  People here labored with me. I visited this church on Tuesdays for TWO YEARS but would never want to hurt my Pastor (grandfather) by leaving.  That being said a piece of my heart is still there but I see God working in me so I wouldn't go back if you paid me. He say....she say....but honestly WHAT IS GOD SAYING?

[docjohn]

Hey Ryan,will keep you lifted in prayer.Curious about one point;you said the pastors' wife was suprised at your feelings.If you had some issues,had to try to discuss those things? Were/are you harboring any grudges? Maybe you can confess/repent to the LORD "IF" there was sin on your part.But,if LORD DOESN"T convict you,who else should.I left my last church after about 3 years,the music was terrible!!!!We were playing the same old,unannointed drivel;more and more it seemed like the church was worshipping a style of music rather than CHRIST.Worse,the "artists" we were "allowed" to play did'nt even seem like they had a witness or a clue about JESUS.Last service i played,5 songs-1/2 way thru #3 before we mentioned JESUS!!!! Lord,god,this ,that-it seemed like the NAME of JESUS was an offense;and this was in a line by line,verse by verse church.I loved my pastor,and spoke to him (as i had for the last 6- months) about how wrong -and in fact how evil i thought the "worship music" had become.Actually had a vision visiting a friend's church were the "artist's " we were playing was revealed to be a goat-IN the sheep pen,shared all this with pastor who just smiled and nodded his head.BAM!!!! next week we played that trash again;as we played i confessed my sin.Next day i resigned,LORD had given me liberty to take immediate action.While i was concerned about offending a dear brother,it was the right decision.I am in a church that is planning a full scale assault to take the county for CHRIST.Our pastor stated today  80% of the people we drive past are NOT saved,he has a passion to reach these folks!!!btw-the 2 churches are 2 miles apart.The former church was shriveling while I was there,a friend of mine told me it had gotten worse.Sometimes LORD withdraws HIS SPIRIT,and moves other folks to promote them and HIS agenda.HE is in control of your life;as book of Ruth says"for such a time as this". btw I'm finally playing annointed music where i see HOLY SPIRIT moving;and i'm NOT told weekly the organ is too loud,chords too phat,blah,blah .blah.  Prz LORD in your new liberty and ENJOY!!!!