LGMers,
I call on you because I need to know how you feel about this. I am really seeking the opinions of fathers, but the ladies are more than welcome to chime in.
My wife and I were having a spirited debate this morning on the way to work regarding when is appropriate for girls to start "talking" to guys. My wife feels that girls should not have ANY legal contact with boys until they are about 17. This means no guys calling the house, no dating. She feels that anything earlier will lead to fast and hot girls and eventually pregnancy.
I on the other hand feel that relationships with boys should be developed in stages and under the careful watch (and not stranglehold) of the parent. I think that at 13-14 the ONE boy calling the home for my daughter is ok. As long as the conversations are brief, before 8PM and in public (ie, not in her room). This way when dude calls and I answer the phone, I get to know who he is and get a sense of what he is about through discernment. This way I also get to steer her social development in knowing how she interacts with the opposite sex and not rely on the world and her girlfriends to develop her habits to the point where I have no control when she is 16 or 17.
I told my wife that there are way too many other ways to communicate with the opposite sex now. There is email, text message, MySpace, IM, etc. I would rather her have a method that I can readily monitor than to have to pray and hope to God that she is not going down the wrong path using these other mediums.
In this world where children are force fed sexual and relational images via music, TV, and Movie we have to guide our kids through these troubling waters and not throwing them in the brig until we reach the desired point on the trip...you know?
Am, I wrong? Is my viewpoint skewed. Am i setting myself up for failure in developing my daughters social habits? (Mind you I have a son too and she NEVER even bought him up, LOL! Why is that?)
Chime in......
This could be more harmful than good for your daughter. I dated a young lady years ago in college who was 18, and a freshman. I was a little older than her. I was her first real relationship, and she was so sheltered all of her life till she was just then learning many things about people and the world. She was too trusting of people because she was not exposed to the real world and she was a sitting duck out there on her own. She was being approached by men left and right when I was not around(she was soooo fine) and she just didn't know how to handle it. Our relationship ended because I was basically dating her
AND her father and that just wasn't working anymore. He interfered too much and put things into her head about me without really getting to know me(this was just his nature). She would tell me what he said when I would question her as o why she all of the sudden thought that we should not be together anymore. She would say things that sounded very "parent-like." After we were done, the vultures swarmed. I heard a few things that were not good as a result of this, and I didn't pursue them any further because I was afraid of what I might find out. Due to her father's overly sheltering ways(he had 5 children total, 3 boys, and 2 girls) his youngest daughter rebeled and started sneaking out at night, and wilding out, and wound up pregnant.
In my teenage years, my mother was the sheltering one, while my father allowed me to be me to a point. I think it helped me out quite a bit. I was allowed to learn alot on my own and I was ready for whatever. I was allowed to interact, and it eventually molded me to where I am today. I never had to rebel. Then again this could be a boy vs. girl thing because I do have older sisters.
Now I am not questioning your parenting at all by sayng this, I'm just using an example to illustrate how not allowing a child to be exposed to the opposite sex at the right age can wind up doing more damage than actually protecting them. I think that it is good for her to at least talk to boys. As a father, you can at least hip her to the game that boys play so she will be armed with the defense to deal with it. Not all boys are out to "get some" if they're being raised right. I'm going to teach my son about the games that women play as well when he is old enough to understand(he's only 14 months old right now). Another point is your daughter's female friends are the ones that should be watched. They can influence her to like the wrong kind of boy and pursue them instead.
In the long run, I hope it all works out for the better.
