Official 3rd Annual LGM Awards Show!

[Fenix]

I'd first of all like to thank God, without whom i would not have a sense of humour. I'd like tot hank my folks, my sisters, my pastor who supported me, Jerry Seinfeld fro whom i got lots of material, Sjon for being understanding of my humour and cleaning up my mistakes (in the Piano room at least), Mme Rue for being fine as heck, Nessa for having a cute baby, U13 for pushing me to be funnier...

***Starts to cry***

...4HG for starting this site and overlooking my many push-the-envelope comments (probably due to laziness).

I'd also like to thank my girl Recee for...something, i dunno, but i still thank her 

***Orchestra starts to drown out speech...***

[recee]

Thank me for coming with you...even tho u got on them bright Colors!!!LOL!!!!

[Redy2bUsed]

*Suddenly...the lights go out in the theater*
*everyone looking around*

*Redy points to the DJ...(who he hired himself), to cue his intro music*

*Suddenly The Big Payback by James Brown begins to play*

*Redy enters the room...pulling on his wife who refuses to enter the room with him looking like he does*
*finally he and wifey enter the theater...
wifey hiding her face w/ a church fan(that Redy told her would be a nice touch to her dress) as they walk down the aisle*

*Redy cues the spotlight*
*Wifey still hiding her face*

*Redy comes gliding down the aisle rocking a
soft pink supa-fly suit...white butterfly collar shirt with pink polka-dots,
top 2 buttons of the shirt are open displaying 3 off-gold herring bone chains
green suspenders white platform shoes with clear heels.
A turtle floating in the left heel...and 3 sea monkeys in the right heel
topped off with a white wide-brimmed hat with a candy cane-striped band going around it*

*as Redy approaches his seat he stumbles
a bit...but plays it off nicely as he turns
the stumble into what looks to be him kneeling to pray before he takes his seat*

*Gives DJ the "cut the music* sign*

*crosses his leg and tips his hat to NJTheBishop*

Go on playa...you can proceed now.

*wifey begins to pray....AGAIN*

[sjonathan02]

*Suddenly...the lights go out in the theater*
*everyone looking around*

*Redy points to the DJ...(who he hired himself), to cue his intro music*

*Suddenly The Big Payback by James Brown begins to play*

*Redy enters the room...pulling on his wife who refuses to enter the room with him looking like he does*
*finally he and wifey enter the theater...
wifey hiding her face w/ a church fan(that Redy told her would be a nice touch to her dress) as they walk down the aisle*

*Redy cues the spotlight*
*Wifey still hiding her face*

*Redy comes gliding down the aisle rocking a
soft pink supa-fly suit...white butterfly collar shirt with pink polka-dots,
top 2 buttons of the shirt are open displaying 3 off-gold herring bone chains
green suspenders white platform shoes with clear heels.
A turtle floating in the left heel...and 3 sea monkeys in the right heel
topped off with a white wide-brimmed hat with a candy cane-striped band going around it*

*as Redy approaches his seat he stumbles
a bit...but plays it off nicely as he turns
the stumble into what looks to be him kneeling to pray before he takes his seat*

*Gives DJ the "cut the music* sign*

*crosses his leg and tips his hat to NJTheBishop*

Go on playa...you can proceed now.

*wifey begins to pray....AGAIN*

PPPWWWWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *cough cough, I cain't breeve* HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

[Doubles22]

This is just like black folks.... *sigh*

*music commences- curtain goes up*

WELCOME TO THE 3^rd ANNUAL LGM AWARDS

*Evangaluss McCracken walks out w/ envelop*

"HEYYYY, BUT I THANK GAWD!!!! Our first category tonight is Best Alter-Ego and the nominees are...

SisterT
RjthaKid
WOLFMAN
Doubles22
LEYLAH

...and the winner is EEe Bee bee aye SHANAMAHA....

















....Doubles22 for "Cynical man"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

***CRASH Cynical Man busts through the theatre wall wearing an all red suit like the Kool Aid man leaving a silhouette of his body outline in the rubbled wall***

OH YEAH!!!!!!!!!

What y'all know good all betwunxt and off up in here?

*walks to the podium struttin' like George Jefferson*

Can we give LaIdressedlikethisonpurposeRue a hand clap of praise for wearing that dress?

*as soon as people raise their hands to clap, Cynical Man cuts them off*

I'd like to thank the LGM Academy, the Kirby Vacuum Cleaner salesman, LeBron James's Vogue photographer, Latrell Sprewell, LaRue's Atlanta stalker, and the host of other people that have allowed me to use my cynical mind rather than just snatch you up by your collar and toss you down a flight of stairs.

*looks at Redy's outfit and begins laughing uncontrollably*
*collects himself*

Okay, where was I?  Oh, shout out to the Grammar Wizard, ________T, and the one I thought would be my toughest competition...CSI: Blacklessburg.

Holla at ya bwoy!

***swoosh Cynical Man exits, stage right***

[Redy2bUsed]

***CRASH Cynical Man busts through the theatre wall wearing an all red suit like the Kool Aid man leaving a silhouette of his body outline in the rubbled wall***

OH YEAH!!!!!!!!!

What y'all know good all betwunxt and off up in here?

*walks to the podium struttin' like George Jefferson*

Can we give LaIdressedlikethisonpurposeRue a hand clap of praise for wearing that dress?

*as soon as people raise their hands to clap, Cynical Man cuts them off*

I'd like to thank the LGM Academy, the Kirby Vacuum Cleaner salesman, LeBron James's Vogue photographer, Latrell Sprewell, LaRue's Atlanta stalker, and the host of other people that have allowed me to use my cynical mind rather than just snatch you up by your collar and toss you down a flight of stairs.

*looks at Redy's outfit and begins laughing uncontrollably*
*collects himself*

Okay, where was I?  Oh, shout out to the Grammar Wizard, ________T, and the one I thought would be my toughest competition...CSI: Blacklessburg.

Holla at ya bwoy!

***swoosh Cynical Man exits, stage right***

*Redy leans over to his wife who is not speaking to him*

"Hey baby...that boy got style....for real...did you see that Kool-aid suit?.....Hotness!!
Hey, I wonder if they gon' have pork rines at the after party?"

[3rd-Day]

*Suddenly...the lights go out in the theater*
*everyone looking around*

*Redy points to the DJ...(who he hired himself), to cue his intro music*

*Suddenly The Big Payback by James Brown begins to play*

*Redy enters the room...pulling on his wife who refuses to enter the room with him looking like he does*
*finally he and wifey enter the theater...
wifey hiding her face w/ a church fan(that Redy told her would be a nice touch to her dress) as they walk down the aisle*

*Redy cues the spotlight*
*Wifey still hiding her face*

*Redy comes gliding down the aisle rocking a
soft pink supa-fly suit...white butterfly collar shirt with pink polka-dots,
top 2 buttons of the shirt are open displaying 3 off-gold herring bone chains
green suspenders white platform shoes with clear heels.
A turtle floating in the left heel...and 3 sea monkeys in the right heel
topped off with a white wide-brimmed hat with a candy cane-striped band going around it*

*as Redy approaches his seat he stumbles
a bit...but plays it off nicely as he turns
the stumble into what looks to be him kneeling to pray before he takes his seat*
*Gives DJ the "cut the music* sign*

*crosses his leg and tips his hat to NJTheBishop*

Go on playa...you can proceed now.

*wifey begins to pray....AGAIN*

*__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________*

[3rd-Day]

***CRASH Cynical Man busts through the theatre wall wearing an all red suit like the Kool Aid man leaving a silhouette of his body outline in the rubbled wall***

OH YEAH!!!!!!!!!

What y'all know good all betwunxt and off up in here?

*walks to the podium struttin' like George Jefferson*

Can we give LaIdressedlikethisonpurposeRue a hand clap of praise for wearing that dress?

*as soon as people raise their hands to clap, Cynical Man cuts them off*

I'd like to thank the LGM Academy, the Kirby Vacuum Cleaner salesman, LeBron James's Vogue photographer, Latrell Sprewell, LaRue's Atlanta stalker, and the host of other people that have allowed me to use my cynical mind rather than just snatch you up by your collar and toss you down a flight of stairs.

*looks at Redy's outfit and begins laughing uncontrollably*
*collects himself*

Okay, where was I?  Oh, shout out to the Grammar Wizard, ________T, and the one I thought would be my toughest competition...CSI: Blacklessburg.

Holla at ya bwoy!

***swoosh Cynical Man exits, stage right***

The George Jefferson Strut is Priceless!! 

[LaylaMonroe]

***CRASH Cynical Man busts through the theatre wall wearing an all red suit like the Kool Aid man leaving a silhouette of his body outline in the rubbled wall***

OH YEAH!!!!!!!!!

What y'all know good all betwunxt and off up in here?

*walks to the podium struttin' like George Jefferson*

Can we give LaIdressedlikethisonpurposeRue a hand clap of praise for wearing that dress?

*as soon as people raise their hands to clap, Cynical Man cuts them off*

I'd like to thank the LGM Academy, the Kirby Vacuum Cleaner salesman, LeBron James's Vogue photographer, Latrell Sprewell, LaRue's Atlanta stalker, and the host of other people that have allowed me to use my cynical mind rather than just snatch you up by your collar and toss you down a flight of stairs.

*looks at Redy's outfit and begins laughing uncontrollably*
*collects himself*

Okay, where was I?  Oh, shout out to the Grammar Wizard, ________T, and the one I thought would be my toughest competition...CSI: Blacklessburg.

Holla at ya bwoy!

***swoosh Cynical Man exits, stage right***

**gettin down on some lobster, when she hears her name called**

OMG, are they clapping for ME???  It must be the dress... thank God Marche came to her senses at the last minute.  Eat your heart out, Brittany...    Steely ain't stud'in you, hon... it's all about LaRuelicious!!!!! **throws head back in maniacal laughter**  <---- the new smiley combo for maniacal laughter

**slowly stands up with "grander than life" diva glow**
**pops last piece of lobster in mouth with left hand, while raising right hand to wave "Miss America" style**


**hears a ghastly, yet familiar sound**

 

Was that?

Nah, couldn't be...

Could it???

**hears the collective gasp of the audience, and snickers from Britt and all the other hater-chicks**
**feels Steely's hand on arm, tugging desperately**

**looks down to see the unthinkable** 

OMG, tell me this cheap, ghetto dress did NOT just rip in front of all these peoples.... heckkkkkkkkkkk naw.....

Where is that ghetto chick from Madison High?  It is ON now!!!!

**screams like a divazilla**  GET ME MY CARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, NOWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  And somebody get Oscar de la Renta's people on the phone now.  Tell them I need a new dress.  I want cream silk.  Or a nice warm orange silk.  With ruffles.  And beading.  Size 2.  And I'll probably need new shoes because I'm about to firmly plant this stiletto in some teenager chick's forehead.  Get on it, NOW, people.  I have to be back in time for my performance, and I have yet to give my acceptance speech for the Green Bug Award.  Move it, people, MOVE IT!!!!!

[Fenix]

^^^ 

I do not regret the $180 price tag for the tickets.

***Gets oh phone to Hugh Hefner***

"Hugh, i think we just found July Girl. Trust me on this one."

[rayjohnson83]

Im here to present the "Most Likely to Catch a Beat Down for messing with my Girl" Award.
The nominees are:

T-Block
Keys410




and the winner is..................................... .............









T-BLOCK
come on down and get your award

[nessalynn77]

^^^ 

I do not regret the $180 price tag for the tickets.

***Gets oh phone to Hugh Hefner***

"Hugh, i think we just found July Girl. Trust me on this one."

You paid $180?  *thanking God my twin is the founder's wife, lol*

[ReddGirl]

I didn't know Marvin had that whole Jungle Fever thing going on!! (just joking)

She is a sister. 22

[lordluvr]

You paid $180?  *thanking God my twin is the founder's wife, lol*

This was a paid event?  I just walked in behind Fenix.  I guess nobody saw me because....well...let's just say his suit spoke VOLUMES...

[Redy2bUsed]

*Redy tells wifey that he'll be back*
*20min later...Redy enters in again.*
*cues DJ to start the music*

*Ol' skool 70's "What's Happenin" music begins to play"
*Redy cues spotlight*
*everyone turns to look at the door*

*Redy instantly appears..wearing a red beret..green shirt..rainbow suspenders
Red nickers..Blue and white knee high socks and black Converse Chuck Taylors*

*Redy begins to pop-lock down the aisle like Re-Run*

*The crowd goes wild*

*Wifey begins to ask God what she has done to deserve this cup*


   
 

[Fenix]

Wait a minute, i wasn't supposed to pay? 

I ain't mad though. I can afford to pay for stuff that's free.

[recee]

Wait a minute, i wasn't supposed to pay? 

I ain't mad though. I can afford to pay for stuff that's free.

LOL!!!!

[THE WOLFMAN]

^^^ 

I do not regret the $180 price tag for the tickets.

**drops his jerk chiccen wings and skrimps**

There were tickets?????

[rayjohnson83]

Wait a minute, i wasn't supposed to pay? 

I ain't mad though. I can afford to pay for stuff that's free.

Thank God that my boy Keys410 works sercurity

[LaylaMonroe]

I'm on my way back to the Awards with my new dress, after just having delivered a hearty beatdown to some ghetto chick named Marche.

When I come back, I'll be presenting the awards for Most Likely to Lurk Until they See a Post about a Particular Subject of Interest and Most Likely to Hook a Sista With their Fragrance.

The nominees for the Most Likely to Lurk Until they See a Post about a Particular Subject of Interest category are:

3rdDay
Steely
COGIC4SHO
Salvador
Sekesai

The nominees for Most Likely to Hook a Sista With their Fragrance are:

Under13 - because any man who rocks Allure will hook a sista
Wolfman - because he lives near 125th, and can get a good fragrance for $5  
Steely - because the man knows his fragrances.... and picks all the right ones  
Doubles - just because he looks like he smells good... lol  
BBG - because he wears Chrome  
LT - because he, too, looks like he smells good... lol

The Awards will be presented when I come back...