Telling someone about themselves...with love

[kodacolor]

Does anyone have any tips on telling someone about themselves in a loving way?

[vtguy84]

Yes. 1 Corinthians 13. 

[kodacolor]

Yes. 1 Corinthians 13. 

"Keeps no record of wrongs" pretty much tells me don't say anything and let them keep cutting up.

[T-Block]

Depends on what u gotta tell em.  Some things no matter how lovingly u say them, will always come out bad.  Just look at it as if someone was gonna tell u what u bout to say, how would u want it said to you.

[kodacolor]

"Keeps no record of wrongs" pretty much tells me don't say anything and let them keep cutting up.

...or tell them when it happens so that there won't be record to create.   

Still, I've been trying to find a way to get this done for the longest.  It's so complicated!

[Fenix]

You suck...but i love you!!! 

[under13]

You suck...but i love you!!! 

The key is tact. Can you get your point across without making this person an enemy?

[Fenix]

The key is tact. Can you get your point across without making this person an enemy?

You're getting boring man.

[sjonathan02]

You're getting boring man.

No, you need to know when to say when, bruh. 

[Fenix]

No, you need to know when to say when, bruh. 

"When". There, said it. 

[betnich]

Sometimes you gotta phrase negative feedback in a positive way...honey instead of vinegar...

[dwest2419]

Ask the lord to set a watch over your mouth that's only thing I can think about of right now.

PSALM 141:3 Set a watch, O LORD, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips.

[Rjthakid]

Two weeks ago my Pastor pulled aside a member of the PnW team before sunday school.  It was before SS, so there weren't a LOT of people there...but there were people there....in earshot.

The girl has a very "Bottom Heavy" figure, and she was wearing a skirt that my Pastor thought was too short.  I didn't think there was anything wrong with it.

She called over two other members (My mother, an evangelist and the head of the Sunday School Dept.).  She said that the Bible says if you correct someone in private and they don't hear you to bring them in front of 2 or 3 witnesses.  I don't know where that scripture is.

Anyway she told the girl that if she wears another short skirt she'll yank her from the PnW team.  She told her that the people in this ministry should have her 'spirit' of modesty.  She told her that she should not be distracting the men in the congregation with her attire.  It was pretty rough. 
This went on for a good 5 minutes....after which the girl was in tears.

This is the OPPOSITE of telling somebody something in love.  Later in the day, and even yesterday at church, my Pastor made a point to hug her and tell her that she loves her.  But "I Love You" doesn't undo what you did. 

My Bishop (her husband) would NEVER do something like that.  He's a very classy, very compassionate person.

The whole "I'm gonna tell it how it is and if you get offended that's YOUR problem" attitude is 100% WRONG.  It's not scriptural.  It's not right.

[under13]

Two weeks ago my Pastor pulled aside a member of the PnW team before sunday school.  It was before SS, so there weren't a LOT of people there...but there were people there....in earshot.

The girl has a very "Bottom Heavy" figure, and she was wearing a skirt that my Pastor thought was too short.  I didn't think there was anything wrong with it.

She called over two other members (My mother, an evangelist and the head of the Sunday School Dept.).  She said that the Bible says if you correct someone in private and they don't hear you to bring them in front of 2 or 3 witnesses.  I don't know where that scripture is.

Anyway she told the girl that if she wears another short skirt she'll yank her from the PnW team.  She told her that the people in this ministry should have her 'spirit' of modesty.  She told her that she should not be distracting the men in the congregation with her attire.  It was pretty rough. 
This went on for a good 5 minutes....after which the girl was in tears.

This is the OPPOSITE of telling somebody something in love.  Later in the day, and even yesterday at church, my Pastor made a point to hug her and tell her that she loves her.  But "I Love You" doesn't undo what you did. 

My Bishop (her husband) would NEVER do something like that.  He's a very classy, very compassionate person.

The whole "I'm gonna tell it how it is and if you get offended that's YOUR problem" attitude is 100% WRONG.  It's not scriptural.  It's not right.

They were probaly just hating on her. I've found out that church women are the biggest haters, especially when it come to other women. When you are a hater, its hard to express yourself in love.

[kodacolor]

She called over two other members (My mother, an evangelist and the head of the Sunday School Dept.).  She said that the Bible says if you correct someone in private and they don't hear you to bring them in front of 2 or 3 witnesses.  I don't know where that scripture is.

He was talking about Matthew 18:16.  The whole passage is Matthew 18:15-17

A Brother Who Sins Against You

 15"If your brother sins against you,[a] go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' 17If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew%2018:15-17

I was talking to my dad about that verse and he said that verse has to do with church discipline.  He didn't elaborate on it though.  I'll talk to him about it before his break is over.

[Rjthakid]

He was talking about Matthew 18:16.  The whole passage is Matthew 18:15-17
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew%2018:15-17

I was talking to my dad about that verse and he said that verse has to do with church discipline.  He didn't elaborate on it though.  I'll talk to him about it before his break is over.

According to this scripture (thanks for finding it for me Kodacolor) you should bring witnesses if the person refuses to hear you. 

In this case her skirt length was really a judgement call, as I saw nothing wrong with it, and I'm sure the girl saw nothing wrong with it.

The punishment seemed a bit excessive.

[tko05]

I think the best thing to do is to check your motives. If the person is getting on your nerves and you feel like you just "have" to tell them how you feel then chances are you should probably keep it to yourself. If you really feel  that what you have will be benificial to the person then proceed in the most loving manner possible.

Sometimes correction can be a tough pill to swallow, but if you KNOW that the person who is correcting you is really concerned about your well being then everything will work out no matter how tough the correction.

[kodacolor]

I think the best thing to do is to check your motives. If the person is getting on your nerves and you feel like you just "have" to tell them how you feel then chances are you should probably keep it to yourself. If you really feel  that what you have will be benificial to the person then proceed in the most loving manner possible.

Sometimes correction can be a tough pill to swallow, but if you KNOW that the person who is correcting you is really concerned about your well being then everything will work out no matter how tough the correction.

That's the thing.  Me and this person are at odds right now because some stuff that wasn't supposed to be personal turned personal (on both ends).  However what I need to correct this person on has nothing to do with them personally, but I know they're going to take it personal even if I apologize before correcting this person.

[kodacolor]

Well, it may have something to do with them personally.  Idk.  What I have to correct this person on is something they're doing/not doing that they need to do/not do for the sake of the ministry.  My thing is if it's for the ministry it's not about you...but because it's something they need to do/stop doing it's going to be taken personally.

[nessalynn77]

Is there someone else that can tell them that will be more objective?