"Don't expect him to help you," and other ways reality bites

[kodacolor]

I was just thinking about teen pregnancy.  When telling teens about the consequences of sex I would think you would tell them everything, however the sad fact it can be pretty a pretty harsh reality.  You don't want to depress the person, but you don't want them to run into the situation not knowing the full extent of what they're getting themselves in to.  Also, some tidbits of information can cause a problem where there wasn't one, but idk.

In your opinion would it be smart or pessimistic to tell teens things like, "Don't expect him to stay if you get pregnant, even if he says he's going to," or "Some girls try to get themselves pregnant by you to trap you."  I think while stuff like this could help deter a person's decision to not do it, it could also make them pessimistic about the opposite sex.  (see the: "black men ain't **** / black women are all **** argument of the last how many decades)

NOTE:  While I think that what God says about sex is very important and must be taught, I also thing that there should be some non-Bible based examples as well.

[churchyreal]

Hmmm that's a good question.

I mean a lot of ladies are already turned off by the opposite sex because of past experience so why make them even more turned off when it's time for the right one.

At the same time I believe in just telling the real facts without cutting corners.

[phbrown]

Depends on the person.

Some kids respond to facts better and some kids respond to emotions better.

I was/am a kid who always repsonded to facts better. So when ever my mother would explain something that she didn't want me to do she would just say "Do it and I will knock you out"

A simple fact which i understood in its totality.

[BigFoot_BigThumb]

Depends on the person.

VERY true.  In my early 20's, a young lady tried to tell me twice that she was pregnant by me.  Both times I told her I'm here for you and we will raise our child together.  Both times she said "no, just give me some money for an abortion"...blah, blah, blah.  I told her no, I want us to raise our child together.  Her response was "don't worry about it, I'll take care of it."  BOTH times she said this.  Hmmmmm, anybody see what was happening there?  I figured out her game and just wound up leaving her alone and she was probably not even pregnant both times.  Point is, I was ready to handle my responsibility and she was the one clowning and running game.

Best advice to give the teens is to advise them to abstain from sex and don't get pregnant until you're married and know you're in something that's lasting, and definitely don't get pregnant if you and your mate cannot provide for your child without assistance.  No matter the advice, it all comes down to choices.

[OleJ]

In your opinion would it be smart or pessimistic to tell teens things like, "Don't expect him to stay if you get pregnant, even if he says he's going to," or "Some girls try to get themselves pregnant by you to trap you." 

(turns off grammatical correctness)
Sho', tell the chirren. It true ain't it?
(turns on grammatical correctness)
We can't withhold helpful information for fear of being labeled pessimistic.

[under13]

Thats not a fact though. Not all young men are deadbeat fathers.

[gtrdave]

Thats not a fact though. Not all young men are deadbeat fathers.

Then stats or figures should be given.
30% are or 60% are or whatever they are.
Hey, then you could turn the discussion into a form of gambling..."You know, Ladies, you've got a 3-in-10 shot that the sperm donor will actually stick around and be a father"...that way, it turns it into a lighthearted game.

[kodacolor]

Thats not a fact though. Not all young men are deadbeat fathers.

True, but the point wouldn't be to say that ALL young men are deadbeat fathers, just that most aren't ready for fatherhood and there's a small chance that the dude will stick around.

I was talking to some guys on another forum and the topic moved to dating girl who has kids.  Based on these talks with these guys in my age bracket they said they wouldn't do it for a bunch of reasons.  Would you throw in that their "marketability" goes down when they have babies early/outside of marriage? 

There were also young women in the convo and they said the same thing about guys who have kids/have kids but don't care for them (this especially).  Would you tell a guy this?  What's stopping him if he decides to leave the girl that he has a baby with and going around saying that he doesn't have any kids?  And other than STDs, paternity scams, and marketability there doesn't really seem to be many things to encourage guys to say "no".

IMO if there needs to be consent on both sides in order for a couple to have sex then it takes one of them, doesn't matter which one, to say "no".  It shouldn't be automatically assumed that the girl is going to say "no"  There will be times when the girl will come on to the guy.  If it's already assumed that he will say "yes" then (a) that explains why it's easier for a girl to get a guy in bed rather than a guy to get a girl in bed (b) why even say more than "Wear a condom" to young men?