What IS IT with my family??????

[LaylaMonroe]

Ok so I just got off the phone with my cousin. My mom called to tell me she received the bday gift I sent her. She was outside waiting on my cousin to get in the car, and when I heard my cousin, I told Mom to tell her I said hi and I miss her. My mother (as I should've expected  ) said, "oh here, I'll let you tell her!"  Sidebar: I HATE WHEN PEOPLE DO THAT!!!!! If I wanted to speak to her, I would've asked for her. 

Anyway, I asked my cousin how far along she is (she's pregnant with her 3rd child), and she said she's due on Jan. 1st. I asked her what she was having, and she said she didn't know, she is putting it up for adoption.  She and her husband have been separated pretty much since they got married, as he is very abusive. She lost custody of her two daughters because Social Services said that if she didn't leave her husband, they were going to remove the kids from the home. From what my mom said, she did try to leave him, but he made it really hard for her.  She doesn't want (or need) another child right now, so she's giving it up for adoption.

I asked her if she talked to her sister (who miscarried two years ago, and whose husband had a vastectomy two weeks later without her knowledge) to see if she would want the baby. She said she hadn't. I asked her why she didn't ask me or any of my sisters. She said she really didn't think about it.  She said she really didn't expect that any of us would want a baby.  I agree. None of us would be ecstatic about getting a new baby like this, but I think any of us would take (and love) the child just to keep him/her in the family and out of the system.

Adoption is great. Good choice for her, I think. But why would a person put their child in the system and not at least TRY to keep it in the family???

Btw, this is the youngest sister of my older cousin, whose child I adopted and raised.

[under13]

Adoption is great. Good choice for her, I think. But why would a person put their child in the system and not at least TRY to keep it in the family???

They probably would be embarrassed or ashamed. And it cant be easy watching someone else raise your child, having their baby call someone else mommy while, so she'd probably prefer that she not have to see the child at all.

Does her husband have any say in her decision?

[chevonee]

Ok so I just got off the phone with my cousin. My mom called to tell me she received the bday gift I sent her. She was outside waiting on my cousin to get in the car, and when I heard my cousin, I told Mom to tell her I said hi and I miss her. My mother (as I should've expected  ) said, "oh here, I'll let you tell her!"  Sidebar: I HATE WHEN PEOPLE DO THAT!!!!! If I wanted to speak to her, I would've asked for her. 

Anyway, I asked my cousin how far along she is (she's pregnant with her 3rd child), and she said she's due on Jan. 1st. I asked her what she was having, and she said she didn't know, she is putting it up for adoption.  She and her husband have been separated pretty much since they got married, as he is very abusive. She lost custody of her two daughters because Social Services said that if she didn't leave her husband, they were going to remove the kids from the home. From what my mom said, she did try to leave him, but he made it really hard for her.  She doesn't want (or need) another child right now, so she's giving it up for adoption.

I asked her if she talked to her sister (who miscarried two years ago, and whose husband had a vastectomy two weeks later without her knowledge) to see if she would want the baby. She said she hadn't. I asked her why she didn't ask me or any of my sisters. She said she really didn't think about it.  She said she really didn't expect that any of us would want a baby.  I agree. None of us would be ecstatic about getting a new baby like this, but I think any of us would take (and love) the child just to keep him/her in the family and out of the system.

Adoption is great. Good choice for her, I think. But why would a person put their child in the system and not at least TRY to keep it in the family???

Btw, this is the youngest sister of my older cousin, whose child I adopted and raised.

I was almost put up for adoption too (30 years ago). I just believe that sometimes family members can be picky about who they help. It depends on who the father of the child is, or if they tried to tell that family member not to marry or fool wit that person in da ferrrrrs place. I know that was the case in my family. Thank God my grandmother overcame all of that and raised me anyway.

[LaylaMonroe]

They probably would be embarrassed or ashamed. And it cant be easy watching someone else raise your child, having their baby call someone else mommy while, so she'd probably prefer that she not have to see the child at all.

Does her husband have any say in her decision?

I don't think so. I mean, I'm not sure what the law is... I don't know any details at all. We had about a 3-minute conversation, and the rest of the details came from old convos with my mom, daughter, sisters and other cousins over the past few months.

My guess is that even if she wanted to keep it, Social Services would probably take it, so the husband probably has no say so. *shrug*

[sjonathan02]

And it cant be easy watching someone else raise your child, having their baby call someone else mommy while, so she'd probably prefer that she not have to see the child at all.

This.

[LaylaMonroe]

I get that. I really do. I went through it a lot with my daughter's bio mom.

I don't know how the State does it, but I would think that the baby would most likely be adopted by someone in that county (if they do it like Georgia does). At least my sisters and cousins don't live anywhere nearby. The closest one is my baby sister, who is 5 hours away. 

[malthumb]

They probably would be embarrassed or ashamed. And it cant be easy watching someone else raise your child, having their baby call someone else mommy while, so she'd probably prefer that she not have to see the child at all.

Does her husband have any say in her decision?

She might want to check with an attorney on that one.  In most states (maybe all by now), the father, married or not, has to agree on an adoption. 

[LaylaMonroe]

She might want to check with an attorney on that one.  In most states (maybe all by now), the father, married or not, has to agree on an adoption. 

She's been working with the State throughout the whole pregnancy, so I'm sure they're giving her all the info she needs. 

Today when I asked her if she asked her sister (my cousin who miscarried) if she wanted the baby, she said, "girl, she wouldn't want this baby." And I asked her why not. I made a joke saying, "I know he's not a crack baby!" and she said, "no, but she wouldn't want to have to go through all the paternity testing with my husband and all that stuff..." I said, "paternity test for what??" And she said that it's one of the State's requirements. I gathered from that that the State is walking her through the whole process, so if it's illegal or if something particular is required, they'll know.

I guess... 

[sistagurl]

I've heard that black babies are the hardest to adopt out. I hope she's met with patential parents.

That's got to be a hard decision.

[LaylaMonroe]

I've heard that black babies are the hardest to adopt out. I hope she's met with patential parents.

That's got to be a hard decision.

Having gone through the mandatory program in GA (I was going to be a foster parent a few years back), I learned that babies of any race are relatively easy to adopt out (of course white babies go easier because there are more white adoptive parents), but it gets harder once the pass the age of 2.

I know it's a rough decision for her, and I'm really proud of her for making a good choice for the baby and for herself. I would take him/her myself, but the timing just isn't good for me.  My sisters all said no, too. Three of them have their own children, and the one that doesn't said she doesn't want any kids at all. LOL!

My cousins (the pregnant cousin's siblings) are unlikely to say yes as well. The oldest living one is going through a divorce, the next oldest had a nervous break down, lost her job and moved to California to stalk... I mean be with her boyfriend, and the other one is the one who miscarried. I've heard she's been battling depression and her husband doesn't want any children (which is why he had the vastectomy).

I just don't know what to do. It would crush me to see this baby adopted out of our family.

[sistagurl]

Having gone through the mandatory program in GA (I was going to be a foster parent a few years back), I learned that babies of any race are relatively easy to adopt out (of course white babies go easier because there are more white adoptive parents), but it gets harder once the pass the age of 2.

I know it's a rough decision for her, and I'm really proud of her for making a good choice for the baby and for herself. I would take him/her myself, but the timing just isn't good for me.  My sisters all said no, too. Three of them have their own children, and the one that doesn't said she doesn't want any kids at all. LOL!

My cousins (the pregnant cousin's siblings) are unlikely to say yes as well. The oldest living one is going through a divorce, the next oldest had a nervous break down, lost her job and moved to California to stalk... I mean be with her boyfriend, and the other one is the one who miscarried. I've heard she's been battling depression and her husband doesn't want any children (which is why he had the vastectomy).

I just don't know what to do. It would crush me to see this baby adopted out of our family.

I know it'd be hard to think of a baby relative in the system. I don't know what you could do short of talking to her about "you" adopting the baby..lol.  Oh man that would be a life changing option.

I've always said I didn't want to have anymore kids. But...if a relative was giving their baby up could I step in???

[LaylaMonroe]

I know it'd be hard to think of a baby relative in the system. I don't know what you could do short of talking to her about "you" adopting the baby..lol.  Oh man that would be a life changing option.

I've always said I didn't want to have anymore kids. But...if a relative was giving their baby up could I step in???

THAT'S what it comes down to for me. That and the timing. Right now, I can't wait to get home and lay down. I'm exhausted. If I had to go pick up a baby from day care or something... that baby might end up getting abandoned tonight! LOL!!! Mama is sleepy! 

No seriously, like my oldest sister said (45 yrs old), she's just too old to be starting all over again. Her youngest child is 8. My next older sister didn't really mention her age, but she's got a 4-year old (Punky in my avatar pic) and that kid takes up ALLLLLL her energy. She just doesn't want another one. I can understand that. My daughter has been on her own for almost 3 years now, and I've come to enjoy my freedom.

I just don't know. 

[sistagurl]

THAT'S what it comes down to for me. That and the timing. Right now, I can't wait to get home and lay down. I'm exhausted. If I had to go pick up a baby from day care or something... that baby might end up getting abandoned tonight! LOL!!! Mama is sleepy! 

No seriously, like my oldest sister said (45 yrs old), she's just too old to be starting all over again. Her youngest child is 8. My next older sister didn't really mention her age, but she's got a 4-year old (Punky in my avatar pic) and that kid takes up ALLLLLL her energy. She just doesn't want another one. I can understand that. My daughter has been on her own for almost 3 years now, and I've come to enjoy my freedom.

I just don't know. 

I know what you mean. When I have my grandbaby I'm so glad to get her. Then after two days I'm calling to see what's taking them so long to pick her up, lol.

I feel for you and I'm going to pray for you and your family. Those are some difficult decisions to make...

[BigFoot_BigThumb]

So maybe it was meant for you to talk with your cousin to give her something to think about.

[sjonathan02]

THAT'S what it comes down to for me. That and the timing. Right now, I can't wait to get home and lay down. I'm exhausted. If I had to go pick up a baby from day care or something... that baby might end up getting abandoned tonight! LOL!!! Mama is sleepy! 

No seriously, like my oldest sister said (45 yrs old), she's just too old to be starting all over again. Her youngest child is 8. My next older sister didn't really mention her age, but she's got a 4-year old (Punky in my avatar pic) and that kid takes up ALLLLLL her energy. She just doesn't want another one. I can understand that. My daughter has been on her own for almost 3 years now, and I've come to enjoy my freedom.

I just don't know. 

 

You can't (or won't) take the child. EVERY one else is saying, 'no' (which is probably another reason she didn't bother to ask....why go through all that rejection OR make folks feel some type of way....as you apparently do.....I digress).


What other recourse is there BUT adoption? AND, why feel badly about the situation as it is? It's either petition to adopt the child yourself or not. *shrugs*


 

[LaylaMonroe]

IRT "why feel badly...?"

Because that baby and I share the same blood. The baby is family. I would take it if I could (and my fam knows that bc I did it before), but I can't. I feel bad about the likelihood that a child who shares my family's blood will bear another family's name and never know us.

[sjonathan02]

IRT "why feel badly...?"

Because that baby and I share the same blood. The baby is family. I would take it if I could (and my fam knows that bc I did it before), but I can't. I feel bad about the likelihood that a child who shares my family's blood will bear another family's name and never know us.

Not true. It's been my experience that foster kids start to get curious about their birth parents and usually try to seek them out.


This story doesn't have to have a sad ending at all. It's quite possible that later on down the road the family and this child will get together and discuss the reasons for said adoption.



Keep ya head up kid, it doesn't have to be the end of the world. 

[Rshay]

Not true. It's been my experience that foster kids start to get curious about their birth parents and usually try to seek them out.


This story doesn't have to have a sad ending at all. It's quite possible that later on down the road the family and this child will get together and discuss the reasons for said adoption.



Keep ya head up kid, it doesn't have to be the end of the world. 

Amen! God will take care, and will take good care of you. 
I will keep you and your entire family in my prayers, LaRue.

[chevonee]

Not true. It's been my experience that foster kids start to get curious about their birth parents and usually try to seek them out.


This story doesn't have to have a sad ending at all. It's quite possible that later on down the road the family and this child will get together and discuss the reasons for said adoption.



Keep ya head up kid, it doesn't have to be the end of the world. 

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