Guys what's your thoughts on this?

[blessedwoman]

Okay. You meet a lady at church that you're  interested in and you end up talking on the phone and hanging out together a lot. Meanwhile the lady knows she's pregnant before y'all even meet. 7 months later she's  still not showing, but you have noticed she's gained a little weight, which is nothing major to you and you're really feeling her.

The 8th month rolls around and you finally find out. What do you do?

Her reason for not telling you is because she's planning on giving the baby up for adoption.

What are your thoughts? And would you be even madder if someone knew she was preggo and didn't tell you? Females you can give input too...

[LaylaMonroe]

Danggggg. She shoulda told him. She was wrong for that.

And no, I wouldn't be more angry if someone else knew and didn't tell me. I don't get into gossip and stuff like that, so I don't expect people to tell me other people's business unless it is a matter of life and death (literal life and death).

[churchyreal]

Hmmm this is an interesting topic.

Idk I guess I would try to be there for her during the giving birth stage and maybe try to convince her not to give child up for adoption. First I would want to know why she's giving child for adoption. After all of that I would continue to be her friend but being anything else would be off limits.

[nessalynn77]

Keeping that big of a secret is hinging on a deal breaker, if it ain't one.   That's just me, though.  I mean if we're starting off keeping secrets, then we don't have a good foundation on which to build anything worthwhile. 

I understand how it is, though.  You decide not to tell because you don't even know if the relationship is going anywhere.  By the time you realize it may be going somewhere you feel you've waited to long, and every day it just gets harder and harder to reveal. 

From his POV, though, it looks like you may have had other motives for hiding it. (This "you" is the hypothetical one, just in case someone misreads that)  I mean he may get to thinking that you had other reasons for not telling him, like you were trying to run some kind of game and pin the child on him.  Of course, after a few months that ploy is no longer feasible, lol.

[joshuag]

It all depends on where my mind is at...  I would asked why she didnt tell me? but at the same time as long as she isnt trying to pin it on me I would still be friends but thats a sercet that I would honestly prefer to know before time.

This remminds me of this new movie that just came out with J-Lo.... hahahhaa

[phbrown]

My hypothetical response


First, I'm feeling you therefore we are not in a relationship and anything that happened before we start our relationship is only background news to me.

Therefore, It would not be a problem with me if we decided to actually forge a relationship after the adoption ... I would actually get attached to your child....

Now we would have a long and deep conversation about it cause I would want to know all the details.

Mainly who is the father?
Where is at?
Is it over between you two?
Why are you giving up the child?

After all that the logical conclusion is I like your cookie and I want it so nothing is going to stand in my way of getting it. Provided you are willing

[T-Block]

Cut her off......for a while. She just made two big no-no's in my book, being pregnant and lying witholding it. If I really liked her and we became friends, I would still be there if she needed me.

[blessedwoman]

Now ole girl is showing big time. She wasn't getting the proper care and wasn't taking prenatal pills which is why she wasn't showing, but someone told her it wasn't fair to neglect the child just because she isn't the one who will be taking care of her. So she decided to do right by the child towards the end of her pregnancy.

Now on the other hand, because she is showing now, people automatically assumes dude is the father. He knows it can't be his because they never had sex.

He's torn. Upset and confused. She's upset and really hopes he can forgive her. She was hoping she wouldn't show throughout the whole pregnancy so she wouldn't have to tell him...

[B3Wannabe]

I would say "Ok." but inside I'd be like...

[jjblack]

Keeping that big of a secret is hinging on a deal breaker, if it ain't one.   That's just me, though.  I mean if we're starting off keeping secrets, then we don't have a good foundation on which to build anything worthwhile. 

^^^^^
This right here...


That kind of stuff hits like a Batman POW, hard to ever really recover from it. Should have been honest in the beginning, if he was really feeling her he would have understood.

[LaylaMonroe]

Now ole girl is showing big time. She wasn't getting the proper care and wasn't taking prenatal pills which is why she wasn't showing, but someone told her it wasn't fair to neglect the child just because she isn't the one who will be taking care of her. So she decided to do right by the child towards the end of her pregnancy.

Now on the other hand, because she is showing now, people automatically assumes dude is the father. He knows it can't be his because they never had sex.

He's torn. Upset and confused. She's upset and really hopes he can forgive her. She was hoping she wouldn't show throughout the whole pregnancy so she wouldn't have to tell him...

She needs to do some major damage control and put all her cards out on the table, telling him what happened leading up to this moment and how she feels today. Assuming she's saved, she really needs to pray and ask the Lord to work on him on her behalf.

He needs to be very prayerful as well, and ask the Lord to give him discernment and compassion, and forgiveness.

And they both need to leave the relationship in God's hands.

Question: how did he "find out" she was pregnant?

[nessalynn77]

After all that the logical conclusion is I like your cookie and I want it so nothing is going to stand in my way of getting it. Provided you are willing

Do you mind elaborating on what you mean by this?  I'm sure it's not what it sounded like to me.

[blessedwoman]

When she started going to check ups and taking the pills, she really blew up quick. It was one of those
him:  If I didn't know any better I would think you were pregnant. But you can't be pregnant right baby? Right?" 

her: Hehe about that...I've been meaning to tell you, I just didn't know how....

So yea, if he didn't question it, she would not have told.

The father of the child is nowhere to be found. When she told him she was pregnant...he bounced..she said he joined the military and was out...sad

[LaylaMonroe]

@Nessa, I'm sure it meant exactly what it sounded like, but I think he may have been joking. Right, Phb? You were joking, right? Right????? LOL

[B_XALTED]

This so belongs in the !!!!!IF THAT WAS ME!!!!! thread

I think that she should have told him from jump, and I can understand that the male would be very upset... But he should also be rational nonetheless.


I think that this is a point in which they should both put their cards out on the table... He may be an undercover cross dresser... and she may have 3 other kids, whatever the case, if they want to maintain any kind of relationship, then they need to be honest with eachother from this point forward.... BTJM.

[T-Block]

When she started going to check ups and taking the pills, she really blew up quick. It was one of those
him:  If I didn't know any better I would think you were pregnant. But you can't be pregnant right baby? Right?" 

her: Hehe about that...I've been meaning to tell you, I just didn't know how....

Those are the worst kinds of convos. I can just see the dudes face, looking all crushed and stuff. That's kinda how my ex-fiance told me she was pregnant. I can feel his pain.

[sjonathan02]

My hypothetical response


First, I'm feeling you therefore we are not in a relationship and anything that happened before we start our relationship is only background news to me.

Therefore, It would not be a problem with me if we decided to actually forge a relationship after the adoption ... I would actually get attached to your child....

Now we would have a long and deep conversation about it cause I would want to know all the details.

Mainly who is the father?
Where is at?
Is it over between you two?
Why are you giving up the child?

After all that the logical conclusion is I like your cookie and I want it so nothing is going to stand in my way of getting it. Provided you are willing

Are you responding as you or as the dude?

[nessalynn77]

Those are the worst kinds of convos. I can just see the dudes face, looking all crushed and stuff. That's kinda how my ex-fiance told me she was pregnant. I can feel his pain.

Wow.  I never knew what happened with that.  Sorry to hear that, T.  But it's probably for the best, God allowed it all to come out before you got involved in a marriage.  Your queen is still out there.

[T-Block]

Wow.  I never knew what happened with that.  Sorry to hear that, T.  But it's probably for the best, God allowed it all to come out before you got involved in a marriage.  Your queen is still out there.

Yeah, I didn't tell too many people the details. It's cool though. And yes, my queen is still out there somewhere over the rainbow.

[B3Wannabe]

Yeah, I didn't tell too many people the details. It's cool though. And yes, my queen is still out there somewhere over the rainbow.

Indeed.

This so belongs in the !!!!!IF THAT WAS ME!!!!! thread

I think that she should have told him from jump, and I can understand that the male would be very upset... But he should also be rational nonetheless.


I think that this is a point in which they should both put their cards out on the table... He may be an undercover cross dresser... and she may have 3 other kids, whatever the case, if they want to maintain any kind of relationship, then they need to be honest with eachother from this point forward.... BTJM.

Bah. That's a big deal breaker for a lot of dudes! Sheesh! That's a deal breaker for women too! I know a lot of young people these days are having children out of wedlock, but those that do choose to wait--or get lucky enough to not get any--don't usually want to raise someone else's child!

He may well have had strong feelings for her. Maybe enough to take it to the next level, but her inability to keep it tight, could possibly have cost her that relationship. It is what it is.