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Author Topic: Elderly Parents  (Read 1121 times)

Offline jrs81

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Elderly Parents
« on: May 27, 2010, 03:33:52 PM »
Are any of you guys taking care of your parents.  I mean you are living with them or they are living with you and you are making sure that they eat, take medication, etc.  How do you handle the normal day to day tasks without it taking a toll on you?

churchyreal

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Re: Elderly Parents
« Reply #1 on: May 27, 2010, 03:42:51 PM »
Are any of you guys taking care of your parents.  I mean you are living with them or they are living with you and you are making sure that they eat, take medication, etc.  How do you handle the normal day to day tasks without it taking a toll on you?

Good topic.

I have older parents (well dad is 77 and mom is 55) but it's not to a point where I have to guide them in every single move. I live with my parents and I'm currently in process of trying to get us out the neighborhood we are presently in into a more stable environment. I hope someone can give you more who is actually dealing with the issue intensely. I'm not dealing with it intensely now but in the next 5 years it's possible.

Offline B3Wannabe

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Re: Elderly Parents
« Reply #2 on: May 27, 2010, 04:24:08 PM »
I haven't yet. I may be soon.

Offline under13

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Re: Elderly Parents
« Reply #3 on: May 27, 2010, 04:40:53 PM »
nursing home? :-\

Offline ssabass

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Re: Elderly Parents
« Reply #4 on: May 27, 2010, 05:23:40 PM »
Just want to tell chuchyreal that your mom is not considered elderly, since shes only 55. Now your dad is considered elderly, but your mother is 22 yrs younger than him, sounds like he's not doing to bad either.

Offline berbie

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Re: Elderly Parents
« Reply #5 on: May 27, 2010, 08:48:33 PM »
I can tell you that without a doubt, it can take a terrible toll on you. It can be made worse by a disgruntled spouse on the in-law side.  Usually, the difficulty is proportionate to the health and alertness of the elderly parent. (but not always) I would go so far as to say that caretakers of parents with alzheimer's disease could actually shorten their own lives or become beset with health problems themselves.

Offline jrs81

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Re: Elderly Parents
« Reply #6 on: May 27, 2010, 09:09:28 PM »
My mother will be 84 years old on Tuesday.  My youngest son (22) and I moved in to take care of her 2 years ago when she fell and broke her ankle.  Now she is showing signs of either dementia or Alzheimers.  She has high blood pressure and insulin dependent diabetes.  She doesn't want anyone else to give her the insulin but me.  I have 3 brothers but only one lives in the same state.  It is really starting to take a big toll on me.  Last year I had a slight stroke from all of the stress that I'm under.  I don't want to put her in a nursing home because she can still do some things for herself.

Last week she fell asleep while cooking and set the kitchen on fire.  I'm trying to hold it together but I'm starting to fall apart myself.

Offline under13

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Re: Elderly Parents
« Reply #7 on: May 27, 2010, 09:53:36 PM »
How about a Nurse who comes to the house to help out?

Offline Bronzee

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Re: Elderly Parents
« Reply #8 on: May 28, 2010, 12:14:11 AM »
My mother will be 84 years old on Tuesday.  My youngest son (22) and I moved in to take care of her 2 years ago when she fell and broke her ankle.  Now she is showing signs of either dementia or Alzheimers.  She has high blood pressure and insulin dependent diabetes.  She doesn't want anyone else to give her the insulin but me.  I have 3 brothers but only one lives in the same state.  It is really starting to take a big toll on me.  Last year I had a slight stroke from all of the stress that I'm under.  I don't want to put her in a nursing home because she can still do some things for herself.

Last week she fell asleep while cooking and set the kitchen on fire.  I'm trying to hold it together but I'm starting to fall apart myself.

I can relate to what you are saying. My mom and dad are divorce, My dad live down the street from my mom and she has remarried years ago. Her husband has demenitia. She  is 76, my father is 82 and my step father is 70 with the dementia .. its crazy around here. I'm power of attorney and mom won't let me handle her affairs. People take advantage of eldery people and she take my advice about making decisions to pay people..so now she says, she is gonna do better. No one wants to mistreat there parents with love for them there. My mom won't put him in a nursing home..She had been the caregiver, now, she says she is to tired to care for her husband  anymore.So we just hired someone to come in the home, it took alot of interviews and getting the right person to handle and care for the patient...but we can only pay a certain undersalery in these crisis times..  But, my mom won't take her medication like shes suppose to..me and my sister has to check on our  parents and go over there all the time when we have 5 of us sibleings can help out that lives in town , but won't,,. Its always like that just certain ones in the family bear the toll. Not to mention, mom don't want to move and still tries to trim the hedges. I tell here, NO! u can't do that anymore.  My life has change since they all are much older. From manageing money to eating right.  The nursing home would be the last results..I think like this one day I will be older too. The nursing home have different fees and alot of the retired person income goes to the nursing home when u dont kow if they will get the care they needs to have.  Some people just go alone with home health care and finally hospic. There are so many forms to fill out questions to answer and then when u complete the hard work the company turn u down to help pay for a nurse. I don't know what the future holds.  When we are young the old saying is that..its a blessing to have children..now, is it a blessing to have elderly parent..when society won't help hardly much or the other members of the family.  Well, I guess its the children turn to be the blessing to the parent.
I wish u well. Its not easy..it can burden us down.

Offline lordluvr

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Re: Elderly Parents
« Reply #9 on: May 28, 2010, 12:16:47 AM »
My parents are still relatively young, so I don't have experience from that perspective.  But, when I was a financial advisor, I saw first-hand pretty much every angle of the elder parent issue.  

Every situation is different, and I don't want to give advice not knowing your total situation, but here are some possible suggestions:

If you can afford to do so, have her in an adult daycare during the day and you and your son can help her at night.  Or, if the resources are there, consider what U13 said and have a nurse come by for however many hours a day.  Or, at the very least, get some kind of respite care.  This is applicable when you're tired and worn and just need a break, though you're willing to do whatever it takes.  Having respite care means just that- a nurse will give you a break for a designated period of time.  Often, respite care can either be in-home or in a facility.  It'll give you a chance to re-charge your batteries without totally breaking the bank.  Having said that, it still isn't cheap.  Depending on the area you're in, it could cost up to and beyond $200/day.

Offline jrs81

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Re: Elderly Parents
« Reply #10 on: May 28, 2010, 04:44:25 PM »
I am looking into having someone coming in at least 3-4 hours at least 3 days during the week.   I know it's going to be expensive, but I think I can swing it with the help of my brothers.

Offline emusicme28

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Re: Elderly Parents
« Reply #11 on: May 28, 2010, 05:04:46 PM »
I am looking into having someone coming in at least 3-4 hours at least 3 days during the week.   I know it's going to be expensive, but I think I can swing it with the help of my brothers.

Seeing that your mother is 84 I'm making an assumption that she has insurance. Id talk with her Personal Care Physican about receiving Home Health Care. He/She can help you get the ball rolling.
Defining the heart of a servant through worship.......

Offline B3Wannabe

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Re: Elderly Parents
« Reply #12 on: May 28, 2010, 07:59:23 PM »
I, personally, don't like the idea of anyone else (non-family) taking care of my parents full-time, if they aren't able to do it themselves.

I feel if they (she) was able to take care of me for 18+ years,  I can at least look after them in their final years. I know it'll be stressful, but family is supposed to be there even when the chips are down.

Honestly, I would expect the same treatment when I get old.

Offline jcc4t

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Re: Elderly Parents
« Reply #13 on: May 30, 2010, 09:29:54 PM »
I was a caregiver for my grandparents who raised me since birth.  I quit my job, moved in and gave up school to become a registered nurse to help my grandmother (74) for 12 years and my grandfather (85) for 5 years. Yes, caring for elderly parents does take its toll on you especially if you have hired help from a jetrlag nursing agency and if there are family memebers who refuse to help, but just sit back and watch you do everything on your own.

My grandmother could walk, but my grandfather is bed ridden; I was both of their medical power of attorney. I fed, bathed, clothed, transported them to his doctors appointment and gave them their medication. I had help, not real nurses  (sitters) without caregiving experience, who were hired by my dad and complained about everything.  They tried to tell me how to do the job and I went to nursing school for three years. I did there job while they got paid. I wanted to walk away from caring for my grandparents so bad, I was like "forget this" I have children to raise, I'm taking away from them for this?" I lost half of my life for this?" But I knew if I did  walk away from it all, my grandparents would have never received half the care that I gave them.

 Caregiving is not an easy job, we don't want to be a burden to anybody all we want is to be heard. There are times when we need a break, and feel like throwing in the towel, we grow frustrated at time, but we keep hangin in there for the sake of our parents. At one point I was mad at God and had the nerve to ask Him, "Why me?" why did I have to be the one stuck caring for my grandparents when they have grown sons, grand kids and great grands who refuse to come around to help.  [God] answered me right back ion a dream and said, "Why not you", "Eveybody is not qualified for this ministry." The bible says in Matthew 25: 37-40. verse 40, ..."I tell you my brothern, when you do the least unto these you do it unto me." He's not just talking about the poor and hungry, , but those  who are neglected, those who can't help themselves, etc, etc.

  I would encourage you to hang in there if you think that nobody understands how you feel, just know that jcc4t does understand how you feel. Please try and find a caregivers support group where you live or ask your family if they will hold meetings every month to get an idea of where things stand with your parents and you. Ask any of them if they would be willing to rotate during certain days of the week so you can go out and do things on your own just to get away for awhile. You need a break because caregiving can cause one to have an emotional breakdown, and who's going to care for you if you become ill?

Unfortunately, my grandmother passed away in 2004, but last year I had to give up caring for my grandfather because of my health, I had surgery and my family expected me to continue careing for him during my recovery period after my doctor informed me to take a 4 week break. When I did finally move out, it forced them to step up to the plate. I have no regrets, I sometimes worry about him.

"I would rather walk with God in the dark, than go alone in the light."

Offline jcc4t

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Re: Elderly Parents
« Reply #14 on: May 30, 2010, 09:51:09 PM »
For some reason I can only write so much for each post.

I did keep a journal and that helped me maintain my sanity and I prayed and asked the Lord to keep me in His care as I cared for one of His own. I kept intouch with people at my church and friends of mine who are also caregivers for their parents. Yes, I did sign up for a caregivers group here in my hometown. We met every MOnday at a church and I was able to see that I wasn't the only person who shared the same feelings that I had about caregiving. I wouldn't say that I didn't like it, but the job does require much out of one person.

The most rewarding thing about caregiving the elderly is that you have all of the memories that the other family members missed out on, and you get to hear all of their stories, secrets and most of the memories will make you laugh!!

My grandmother had Alzheimer's disease badly and she would often wonder off into the night  which was highly dangerous. When the police found her and  brought her back to the house after he found her walking to church at 2 something in the morning with her church clothes on, tamburine and bible in her hands. He left he in his police cruiser to come talk to me, and she almost drove off with the car. I proceeded to run outside to tell the police officer "Don't leave her in the car, she will drive off with your car" Dude tripped and fell over her flower pot to stop her from backing out of the driveway. Now can you imagine a woman with Alzheimer's driving in a police car with flashing blue and red lights on, driving back to the church, while at the same time singing to herself out loud, her favorite song "My body belongs to God...my soul and body belongs to God? And quickening at the same time?
"I would rather walk with God in the dark, than go alone in the light."

Offline B3Wannabe

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Re: Elderly Parents
« Reply #15 on: May 31, 2010, 05:53:12 AM »
lol @ jcc4t

That last part was funny.

Offline jrs81

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Re: Elderly Parents
« Reply #16 on: June 01, 2010, 10:20:13 AM »
I, personally, don't like the idea of anyone else (non-family) taking care of my parents full-time, if they aren't able to do it themselves.

I feel if they (she) was able to take care of me for 18+ years,  I can at least look after them in their final years. I know it'll be stressful, but family is supposed to be there even when the chips are down.

Honestly, I would expect the same treatment when I get old.

I don't have much choice but to find someone to sit with her while I'm at work.  I can't afford to quit my job.  When she set the kitchen on fire a couple of weeks ago I think that was my wake up call that she can't be left alone.
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