Okay, so last night, I had this argument. Both of us said some things that would've been better left unsaid, but the other person was just plain ugly and vicious. I definitely didn't go that far.
Anyway, this is not the first time I've had a major clash with this person. In fact, it used to happen frequently. It finally stopped when I realized that I was behaving like a toy and reacting every time she pushed my buttons, and God knows she knew which buttons to push. I decided to execute Proverbs 12:16 and Proverbs 15:1 which say "a fool is quick-tempered, but a wise person ignores an insult" and "a soft answer turns away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger." Every time she would try to insult me or take subtle digs, I would smile and act as though I didn't even hear it, responding kindly and gently instead. I thought that eventually, she would stop and move on to someone else. That didn't happen, but it was okay because it felt good to keep my hands clean and be the bigger person every time... and pass the test.
I got pretty good at it, too.
There's danger in thinking you've mastered something before you actually do. The Bible says that when we think we are standing securely and safely, we should be careful lest we fall (I Cor 10:12). So when this attack started, I knew the best thing to do was to ignore it. But my flesh just didn't want to. I was insulted, offended, hurt, and ticked off beyond measure. I decided to do Proverbs 15:1, which was a compromise for my flesh because my spirit knew to do Proverbs 12:16. I responded kindly and very gently, and even apologized though I wasn't wrong (at that point). It almost immediately went from unspeakably horrible to worse.
Before I knew it, I was saying things that didn't need to be said, assaulting her with a verbal M-16. My heart was racing, hands were shaking, breathing was shallow, and I wanted to do bodily harm to her. LOL! The argument (via e-mail) went on for hours. I wasted my time, energy, and forfeited my peace and tranquility after having such a peaceful and joyous weekend. After passing that test all those times, I failed it. I got my hands dirty and gave her exactly what she wanted.
Ugh! So mad at myself. But the lesson I learned is that there's no reason to chill out on the ledge. If you stand by the ledge thinking your footing is sure, you're probably going to fall. Mark those that cause division and avoid them. Be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage. Once you get out of something, stay away from it. Don't ever think you're so strong that you can give in just for a moment and "come close" but not give in.
~The End~
