What would you have done?

[ReddGirl]

I took my three kids to Target. Daryl was at home working on the site. So my 4 year old and 6 year old get into it very briefly and the 4 year old screams very loudly 2x. I am now getting upset with them and calming the 4 year old down. As all this is going on a 50-60 ish lady comes over to my 4 year old and takes both of his baby cheeks in her hands and says "You need to calm down right now." He turns away from her and she begins to raise her voice.....

What would you have done at that moment?

[kodacolor]

I probably would have said something like, "Woah.  Don't touch my kid.  I know he's being loud right now and I'm handling it.  Don't touch my kid."  There have been times where I wanted to tell kids to calm down and times where I almost did it too, but I would NEVER go as far as to touch someone else's kid.  That's way out of line.  Unfortunately I figure telling her to get off and that you're handling it would have started an argument and made a bad situation worse.

[nessalynn77]

She probably meant well, maybe she felt for you having two little kids and was trying to help.  Definitely out of line, but I'd probably let it slide, grab my kids and go. 

[sjonathan02]

I took my three kids to Target. Daryl was at home working on the site. So my 4 year old and 6 year old get into it very briefly and the 4 year old screams very loudly 2x. I am now getting upset with them and calming the 4 year old down. As all this is going on a 50-60 ish lady comes over to my 4 year old and takes both of his baby cheeks in her hands and says "You need to calm down right now." He turns away from her and she begins to raise her voice.....

What would you have done at that moment?

While, like Koda, I would've had an issue with her touching my child, I probably would have said something to her about raising her voice to my child.

At the same time, like Nessa, she probably meant well and isn't part of society's problem not assisting those who may be in need of assistance?


Final answer: I would have said something about her raising her voice to my child but thanked for, at least, trying to assist me.

[LaylaMonroe]

I hate to ask, but I'll admit that it makes a difference to me: was the lady white or black (or other)?

What would I have done? I'm almost positive my reaction would've included a forced smile and these words: thanks, I got it. I would like to show even more appreciation and kindness, but in the heat of that moment you're experiencing frustration, anger, embarrassment, exasperation... you just want it to be over. Any input from anyone else just compounds those feelings, even though you appreciate their efforts. Plus, no matter what, nobody knows your kids like YOU do. Things may appear to be one way to outsiders, but they don't really know what's going down. Now my sister?? My sister would go off. She doesn't play when it comes to her children. She would really have hurt that lady in Target.

I witnessed something similar on the train a few months ago. This lady would get on in the evenings with her 4 or 5 year old son. This boy was B-A-D-BAD. I think he may have had some sort of developmental issue or perhaps ADHD or something. But he was a handful and she struggled with him every single day. This one day, he screamed and cried and yelled and fussed from the time they got on the platform and continued once we all boarded the train. He was calling his mom names and swatting at her. She was just worn out. Had gotten to the point where she wasn't even trying to reason with him anymore. She had tears in her eyes and a look that said "If I can just make it home...."  I felt so bad for her, but I don't mess with people's children unless they are physically touching me or about to hurt themselves.

Anyway, this boy had the train lit up, so this lady turns around and looks him eyeball to eyeball - she was about 2 inches from his face - and said barely above a whisper, "look here, nobody is in the mood for all this noise. Most of us done worked all day and right now, we just want some peace and quiet, so hush that noise up. NOW!!!!! Do you understand me?? You're NOT getting a cookie. So hush it!!!" The boy made a grunt type of sound and hit his mom on her lap. The bystander lady grabbed him by his arms and went off on him... she was telling him that he better not ever lay his hands on his mother again or any other woman for that matter, and that if he made another sound she was going to take her belt off. She told him to sit his behind down in a seat and not to move until his mama said it was time to go. "And don't ask for a cookie or nothing else today, either!!!" LOL! And the lady wasn't crazy or anything at all... she was a regular professional, working woman, well dressed and nicely groomed, who was really frustrated by the way this boy was acting.

[pastor rob]

I hate to ask, but I'll admit that it makes a difference to me: was the lady white or black (or other)?

What would I have done? I'm almost positive my reaction would've included a forced smile and these words: thanks, I got it. I would like to show even more appreciation and kindness, but in the heat of that moment you're experiencing frustration, anger, embarrassment, exasperation... you just want it to be over. Any input from anyone else just compounds those feelings, even though you appreciate their efforts. Plus, no matter what, nobody knows your kids like YOU do. Things may appear to be one way to outsiders, but they don't really know what's going down. Now my sister?? My sister would go off. She doesn't play when it comes to her children. She would really have hurt that lady in Target.

I witnessed something similar on the train a few months ago. This lady would get on in the evenings with her 4 or 5 year old son. This boy was B-A-D-BAD. I think he may have had some sort of developmental issue or perhaps ADHD or something. But he was a handful and she struggled with him every single day. This one day, he screamed and cried and yelled and fussed from the time they got on the platform and continued once we all boarded the train. He was calling his mom names and swatting at her. She was just worn out. Had gotten to the point where she wasn't even trying to reason with him anymore. She had tears in her eyes and a look that said "If I can just make it home...."  I felt so bad for her, but I don't mess with people's children unless they are physically touching me or about to hurt themselves.

Anyway, this boy had the train lit up, so this lady turns around and looks him eyeball to eyeball - she was about 2 inches from his face - and said barely above a whisper, "look here, nobody is in the mood for all this noise. Most of us done worked all day and right now, we just want some peace and quiet, so hush that noise up. NOW!!!!! Do you understand me?? You're NOT getting a cookie. So hush it!!!" The boy made a grunt type of sound and hit his mom on her lap. The bystander lady grabbed him by his arms and went off on him... she was telling him that he better not ever lay his hands on his mother again or any other woman for that matter, and that if he made another sound she was going to take her belt off. She told him to sit his behind down in a seat and not to move until his mama said it was time to go. "And don't ask for a cookie or nothing else today, either!!!" LOL! And the lady wasn't crazy or anything at all... she was a regular professional, working woman, well dressed and nicely groomed, who was really frustrated by the way this boy was acting.

ok you give us all that and never say what the mother said, or, what the child did. c'mon! lol

[malthumb]

I would have gone over to the woman and said something like....

"Ma'am, I believe you meant well, but I am advising you now that before you put your hands on another person's child, you need to confirm with them that they need your help.  If I were not a follower of a forgiving God, you might have suffered some unintended consequences for doing what you apparently thought was helpful.  I would have appreciated it if you had asked me if I needed your help.  For the record, I did not.  If you did it because you were annoyed, then your issue was with me, not my child.  Deal with me."

[LaylaMonroe]

ok you give us all that and never say what the mother said, or, what the child did. c'mon! lol

Oh oops. LOL!

The boy straightened up and just sniffled for the remainder of the trip (I got off before they did, so I'm not sure how long his good behavior lasted). He had angry eyes and kept making that sound you made as a kid when you hit someone (I'm not sure how you'd spell it out... lol... kinda like an angry grunt that coincides with the swatting of the hand). He would make the sound, but he sure wasn't raising his hand at anyone. And he kept cutting his eyes at that lady, probably wishing he could slap her in the back of her head. LOL

His mom appeared to be really grateful. While the lady was shaking up the kid, the mom was just shaking her head and telling him to "just stop" in a very soft voice. I really think she was at her wit's end. She probably wanted to tear him up but was afraid someone would call DFCS on her. She was probably wishing the lady would pull out a belt. LOL

After the shake-up, the mom whispered "thank you." And they had a whispered conversation... I didn't hear much of it, but I know that lady was telling the mom she needs to wail on his tail a little more often.

[JustBritt]

I don't know what I would have done or said. But I probably would have been embarrassed.

 

[THE WOLFMAN]

thats a tuffie.

our 1st reaction is to be rather indignant at someone touching their child. I cant front, If someone  touched The Wolfing that aint family, i'd be irate and get real Alpha-Male.

But how many times have we heard the stories of "Big Mamma" or someone that had the "Big mamma" spirit on them? She wasnt mean, just believed in order when it comes to parent and child, and when other folkes kids were around her, they straightened up?  But, we dont live in such times anymore, methinks.
\
In Larue's tale, look at what she said, it wasnt just "saddoun and shaddap" but moreso, backing up moms authority as apparently Moms was NOT in control.



But still dicey with the touching...

[ReddGirl]

Well....it took me by surprise because I turned my back and she was holding his cheeks and telling him "to calm down right now". You have to understand, I have been told that my children are very well behaved. Every now and then they do act up. This was one of those times when the 4 year old was upset with his brother and let it out! And no I am not one of those parents with perfect kids. They are kids!!!

I got upset  because when she got in his face he turned away from her and she raised her voice. The mother bear in me rose up. I told her to take her hands off my child. She told me he was disturbing the store. I told her that she might need to leave. It went on for about 5 minutes but I just was so shocked.....

I would NEVER put my hand on anyone else's child. NEVER............ I do believe that her intentions were well but misplaced


She happened to be a white lady (this target was in a very nice area of Memphis). I am sorry but I do believe she had some preconceived ideas. There was another white couple who had a loud little boy but NO ONE touched him. I have to tell you, last night it took me a long time to calm down...

I asked God to forgive me for loosing my temper BUT I am my children's advocate and I would die for them. I felt she had disrespected me as a parent. She did not know the circumstances...was he sick...was he mentally ill....SHE DID NOT KNOW... She did not ask my permission.

After that incident..we continued to shop and there were no other problems. A black lady came up to me later in the store and said "She had no right to touch your child.. you had the situation under control."

As for the white lady, after the confrontation she left the store. I very "politely" told her she needed to leave quickly.

[LaylaMonroe]

She happened to be a white lady (this target was in a very nice area of Memphis). I am sorry but I do believe she had some preconceived ideas. There was another white couple who had a loud little boy but NO ONE touched him. I have to tell you, last night it took me a long time to calm down...

I hate to say it, but for me, that changes everything.

It may sound racist, but I'm just being honest.

[kodacolor]

She happened to be a white lady (this target was in a very nice area of Memphis). I am sorry but I do believe she had some preconceived ideas. There was another white couple who had a loud little boy but NO ONE touched him. I have to tell you, last night it took me a long time to calm down...

image deleted due to double entendre

What would have changed for me is how I would have said what I said and I would have mentioned the boy she so conveniently bypassed.

[SavnBass]

How she touched the child would have had a lot to do with the .... intensity of my reaction.. but it would have ranged from.. a "Thank you but I have this under control... " to something possibly a little more forceful.. but all of them would have ended with some form of do not touch my children.  After all you were right there... Quite a bit presumtuous of her.. and had she been elsewhere..  and with another parent it cold have gotten ugly.. I think Malthumb got it dead on.

Not for nothing though... but I have seen some other folk's kids go NUTS in public.. with a mere.. "Now Timmy behave... "

None of my kids ever had that "luxury"..

[phbrown]

Well....it took me by surprise because I turned my back and she was holding his cheeks and telling him "to calm down right now". You have to understand, I have been told that my children are very well behaved. Every now and then they do act up. This was one of those times when the 4 year old was upset with his brother and let it out! And no I am not one of those parents with perfect kids. They are kids!!!

I got upset  because when she got in his face he turned away from her and she raised her voice. The mother bear in me rose up. I told her to take her hands off my child. She told me he was disturbing the store. I told her that she might need to leave. It went on for about 5 minutes but I just was so shocked.....

I would NEVER put my hand on anyone else's child. NEVER............ I do believe that her intentions were well but misplaced


She happened to be a white lady (this target was in a very nice area of Memphis). I am sorry but I do believe she had some preconceived ideas. There was another white couple who had a loud little boy but NO ONE touched him. I have to tell you, last night it took me a long time to calm down...

I asked God to forgive me for loosing my temper BUT I am my children's advocate and I would die for them. I felt she had disrespected me as a parent. She did not know the circumstances...was he sick...was he mentally ill....SHE DID NOT KNOW... She did not ask my permission.

After that incident..we continued to shop and there were no other problems. A black lady came up to me later in the store and said "She had no right to touch your child.. you had the situation under control."

As for the white lady, after the confrontation she left the store. I very "politely" told her she needed to leave quickly.

I would have done the same thing

[phbrown]

I took my three kids to Target. Daryl was at home working on the site. So my 4 year old and 6 year old get into it very briefly and the 4 year old screams very loudly 2x. I am now getting upset with them and calming the 4 year old down. As all this is going on a 50-60 ish lady comes over to my 4 year old and takes both of his baby cheeks in her hands and says "You need to calm down right now." He turns away from her and she begins to raise her voice.....

What would you have done at that moment?

Stranger Slaps Crying Child at WalMart

[rayjohnson83]

I would have went H.A.M.

[Sillyie]

That really do take "It takes a village to raise a child" really out of content. At first I thought that she had good intentions but have hearing the rest, I think that she was doing it only for her benefit. I'm sry, but five minutes is to long to be going back and forth. I would have told her to get out my childs face, and roll out. I'm far from physical altercations but I don't know what I would do if she would have raised her voice at my child, but that's just me. As for that man slapping that child in Wal-Mart, that cause for something physical, lol.

[ladycft]

I would have went H.A.M.

this

I dont have any kids yet. But I will have to have to pray about wat would  come out of my mouth. It wouldnt b pretty. (Same thing if some one slap my child.)Was everything ok up there in her head? Smh!

[nessalynn77]

Reminds me of an incident in our lobby at work a while ago.  A young black man and his young wife or girlfriend, and their newborn and two toddler sons.  Wife is over in the corner sitting at a table filling out an app, while dad has the two boys on the other side of the crowded lobby (picture typical welfare office crowd in this economy).  So the little two year old is throwing a screaming fit, and it has been about 30 mins and people in the lobby are starting to get irritated.  Dad is ignoring him.  My office is quite a ways from the front, but I could hear the kid out there screaming bloody murder. 

The kids are cute so people wanted to help him, pick him up, etc.  Dad says no, don't touch him.  So after a while our hippie white lady social worker supervisor takes it upon herself to get involved, that's when I happen to be coming through the lobby.  She keeps asking dad to come in the back with her and just little pesky offers of assistance that pissed off parents don't usually feel like bothering with.  So finally dad yells at her and says he doesn't want your help, the little boy is not hungry and does not need a change, he's just acting out (well they do tell you to ignore tantrums, right?).  So our security guard (also white), tells me that they're going to get the app from mom and get the people's info and turn them into CPS.  I. Went. Off. 

I asked for what, and they said because it was neglect or whatever.  I brought up the fact that experts teach parents to ignore public tantrums, and he says well he "looked like he was gonna hit him".  I was so enraged, I felt my face get hot.  They were both clearly being racist and assumed this young black boy was a monster and an improper father to his son.  Both parents were very young and struggling with a newborn and 2 tots, so yeah, they weren't happy.  The kids were probably not happy about hanging out at the welfare office for a couple hours either.  The only thing that the social worker sup should have done was tell him that the child was disturbing the lobby and he needed to take him outside for a while, anything else was uncalled for.

Well, after having worked with the social worker supervisor in meetings and stuff since then, she should not be a social worker, she needs one.  She's a mess.  And the security guard has been moved from our office and has a court date for spanking his wife's son and leaving a mark on his buttocks.  How's it feel to have the shoe on the other foot?  It may just cure his ignorance.