By J. MATTHEW COBB
Editor-At-Large, PRAYZEHYMN Entertainment
Posted: June 23, 2009
EVERY COMMUNITY HAS ITS SHARE of problems and embarrasements: Republicans have Sarah Palin, Birmingham has Bull Connor, Detroit has General Motors and hip-hop has Souljah Boy Tell 'Em. Certainly there's a load of irritations in today's gospel arena perpetuated by over-excessive usage, the worst frontline cheerleaders and all the wrong kind of attention. We decided to compile a list of 33 things that seem to generate too much hype in gospel music. Some will laugh, some will say "amen" in agreement and some will protest with great outrage. But if we don't talk about it, nothing will be done about it.
33. Email distribution services
It’s the easiest way to get word out about your event or services, but there’s one problem. Most people view this overpopulated term “spam.” It’s sad to call it that, but what do you expect when you get the same emails from the same folk three times a day and your own email server throws the messages into the spam file; leaving us no other choice but to click the box and delete.
32. New artist showcases
You pay from $100 to $500 just to sing on a stage of hundreds for ten minutes. All for what? For the promoter to run to the bank with a happy face come Monday morning.
31. Singers trying to mimick the original vocal
Is it de ja’ vu or is there a big lack of originality?
30. Overdone hair weave
It’s not yours, it’s the Lord’s.
29. Mime and praise dancers
Dancing and doing mime to a pre-recorded tape sounds kinda cool if a church needs a serious back-up plan. But service after service, musical after musical, it all starts to look like an aged gimmick in need of a good mortician.
28. Verity/Zomba
If you’ve seen how the gospel market works. A small label arises from the small corners of America making a great sound and it gets gobbled. Hats off to Verity/Zomba. The super-mega label continues to put out dozens of album releases in a month and is swept up with heavy promotion - leading their albums to the top ten slots week after week on the charts. It’s so ironic that PRAYZEHYMNOnline.com still doesn’t get one project from their mailing list. You would think that they would be a little more generous to us like they are with Gospelflava, GospelCity, Nuthinbutgospel and GospelPundit.
27. 21:03
In a desperate cry for fans, sales and exposure, 21:03 continues to bring the teeny-bobber version of the boy-band image into the gospel world while also using irritating MySpace-distributed bulletins and loads of aerobic jumps that lack the crispness of a Chris Brown music video. Now that New Edition, the Backstreet Boys, n’SYNC, 112, Immature and B2K have all since retired, 21:03 might need to rethink their future endeavors as solo acts.
26. IHOP
The renowned International House of Pancakes seems to be the only destination for the traveling choirs and groups for eating. Of course its open late but let not that be the only option available. For God’s sake, think quality for your buck. You’ll feel better after you realize you really don’t want to leave them $2 dollars on the table after your meal.
25. Auto-Tune
If you can’t sing at all, why give off the impression that you can sing? If you can sing, why are you trying to sound like you can’t sing?
24. Rapping preachers
Oh, you know them. When they get up to pray or preach, all their sentences and words have some rhyming pattern. If this trend gets more popular with the young church crowd, expect to see 50 Cent joining the clergy.
23. R&B artists going gospel
It was cute at first. Sure gospel music needs some extra lovin’. It’s a wonderful genre to enjoy. But the strangest influx of artists, desperately looking for a best-selling album on any chart, seemed to rush towards the gospel waters. It makes you wonder what the motive was.
22. Satellite radio
If you really want a strong, diverse set of music without commercials or a monthly subscription, now might be the best time to invest in an iPod.
21. Worship teams
Now we understand why the small churches need a worship team. Organizing choirs in that kind of atmosphere just doesn’t create the most suitable results. But why, oh why do they have to be so cocky in their presentation and attitude. They stop singing in the choir. They sit on their own pew. They have to sing for or five songs without a definite time limit, while the mass choir remains limited to only two selections with a fixed Timex countdown. Guess the old phrase wins in this case: “Out with the old, in with the new.”
20. Tye Tribbett
The guy is quite entertaining to watch, but after awhile - after scanning his enormous _ of supporters, the series of questions suddenly arise. Four albums to date and only four singles. And only one of the four was church-accessible. Smells like too much hype to me.
19. TBN’s Praise the Lord
Tune in and you probably might catch your favorite artist singing to a track.
18. Vocal runs
Can anyone sing the melody these days? You wonder if these people can even hold a note. They’re so busy trying to find the next one.
17. Superstar diva choir directors
You see the choir album cover, but there’s no choir pictured. For all the hard work they do and the long hours of practice, the one that gets all the credit is the vocal-less, model-wannabe choir director. That’s not fair.
16. Gospel goes CCM
One second you’re hearing your favorite artist going for what you expect from them. Then they go in the pop direction and then there’s loads of praise-and-worship thrown in. Sure it’s good to be versatile, but do you really think the CCM-pop is ever going to fully embrace a gospel artist. Pop embraces R&B and hip-hop, but that’s rarely going to happen for your favorite gospel artist.
15. Stellar awards
Everybody’s got one, but no one really cares. There’s not even a good, accurate and public-accessed database available that points out the history of nominees and winners of the award show. It’s about time they take some notes from their white counterparts - the Dove Awards.
14. Midnight musicals
The churches remedy of fighting those inner urges to head to the night party and the clubs and pubs. Does it really work? Um, you should see the hotel rooms. The lyrics to Donnie McClurkin’s “We Fall Down” now come to mind: “For a saint is just a sinner.” The end.
13. Superstar collaboration efforts
In 2009, Mary Mary announced their desire to collab with T.I. While rappers are constantly looking for the next vocalist to help save them from depressing record sales, gospel artists are doing their best to boost their popularity by finding the next superstar in line for a gospel collab.
12. COGIC
Most Protestant denominations possess an inner pride for their respected organizations. But there’s nothing quite like the Churches of God in Christ. They take pride to the next level. Need proof? Go on a COGIC-oriented blog, message board or Youtube video and watch their commentary fire up with superior boasts and “I’m better than your church” outcries. They don’t call them grand’ ole Church of God in Christ for nothing.
11. Sunday Best
While it is true that gospel lovers need to have some alternative to American Idol, Sunday Best isn’t the perfect remedy. You have three judges that are current-day artists that are too afraid to offer up any serious criticism because they don’t want to upset their fan base. And just because you’re the best on Sunday, what ever happened to the rest of the week. Sadly, the show is looking more and more like Second Best.
10. The WOW Gospel series
Each year we all await to see if the folks over the best-selling WOW Gospel series would come up with a compilation as good as their debut 1998 project. And of course, they don’t. Part of the reason is because gospel music on radio is becoming more and more predictable. The other half of the reason is because they always pick the B-sides over the big hit. Now that’s not fair.
9. Tonex’
They already call him the Prince of Gospel (named after Prince the musician). He’s got millions of subscribers on MySpace. He’s gone back and forth in and out of retirement from gospel music, sued, signed and dropped by music labels and now he’s currently pursuing a career in between gospel and mainstream. Okay, enough of the madness already. Does it take all of this to be a good gospel artist or are we in need of attention?
8. Vocal runs
Can anyone sing the melody these days? You wonder if these people can even hold a note. They’re so busy trying to find the next one.
7. Men trying to sing like women
Gay men have always had a infatuations for divas. They know them by first names. Diana. Madonna. Beyonce’. Aaliyah. Mariah. Brandy. Sylvester.You get the point. So why is it we have a world of male singers trying to break out the screamin’ girly high notes? And let’s not point any fingers at Adam Lambert. He’s quite comfortable with his sexuality.
6. Jamal-Harrison Bryant
Just because the guy comes up with ghetto-fab sermon titles, invites black erotica author Zane to his church and omits off enough black power to revive the NAACP, Jamal-Harrison Bryant is becoming the preaching celebrity we have all grown to dread. Even with his legal woes, the consistent news clippings, his most recent divorce and the groves of African-Americans still in support of him, you wonder if he’s an apostle of R. Kelly.
5. Twitter
Since the rest of Hollywood has made that great transition from MySpace to Twitterville, here goes the gospel folk. With account at BlackPlanet, Yahoo!, Google, YouTube, MySpace and Facebook, gospel artists and their agents are going to have more passwords than the Mafia. By the way, you don’t think that the real artists have that much time to “tweet” their everyday whereabouts. They have music to create.
4. Gospel Music Industry Roundup
Great idea by Lisa Collins, buy why does it cost over $5,000 for one single-page advertisement? I wouldn’t mind if there weren’t so many obvious typos present. For more bang for your buck, stick to adverting in your local paper and the Yellow pages.
3. Super bow-ties
A trend that is definitely making our young Christian men look more like Homie the Clown. It makes you wonder what will be under the Christmas tree this year.
2. Vibrato
What should be used as a vocal embellishment is being used to create earthquakes to the human language. After such a performance, you barely can tell what these singers were even singing about. And what’s up with the constant Pac-Man mouth movements? Let’s be serious for a quick second. Imagine if an electric guitarist played every note using the whammy. Point taken.
1. The “anointing”
Okay. What is this uncanny churchy term really? Church folk make it sounds like an ambiguous formula that rivals ginseng and caffeine. At the end of the performance, the person who possesses this godly superpower is mostly arrogant, pompous and sometimes looks for trouble. There’s a term in music that actually best defines the characteristics of the “anointing,” its called soul. Don’t let the holy language fool you. Advert back up to “midnight musicals.”
