Ok. Phew! I'm finished.
Several things come to mind. I hope I remember them all.
1. Thanks for posting and sharing. Your testimony, and the thoughts of others shared in this thread, are going to be a blessing to many more than just yourself.
2. Regardless of what you think her motives are, I agree with Hasmo. You should welcome her with open arms, and show her the love of Christ regardless of your personal feelings or thoughts. It's that kind of love that breaks yokes and heals wounds and changes hearts. She may come in one way, but leave a totally different person, one that will be a better mother, ex and co-parent- all because of your show of love.
3. You have to remind yourself that your SS is only 14. He's not going to think on your level. So, he's going to do and say things that may hurt you. It's not his intent. It's just the only way he knows how to cope. Remember, hurt people hurt people. You may not have asked to play this role, but now you're in it. The only person's actions you can control are YOURS. When he seeks his mother's love and support, and invariably doesn't get it, YOU show him love and support, whether he shows that he wants it or not. You must remember, you're planting seeds. All seeds grow in their season. What you do for him today may not seem like it's making much difference today, but years down the road, you're going to be the one he acknowledges when he reaches a milestone in his life, because YOU were there. YOU were supporting him, and he saw Jesus in YOU. The seed you plant today may not grow until he's in his 20's or 30's, but it will grow. So, be careful to only plant the seeds that will benefit him, no matter how unimportant or disrespected you may feel at the moment. Having said that, I do realize that it's a thankless job. So, if I may, let me offer some perspective. As a parent, biological or not, it's our responsibility to give our children the tools necessary to be successful in life outside of our homes. If we teach our children the way they should go, they really won't depart from it. One day, when the light bulb goes off in their head, they WILL realize who is responsible for them being the person that they are. Little consolation when you're not the one who's attention he seeks TODAY, I know. I encourage you to keep your eyes on the bigger picture, nonetheless. I'll stop now before this turns into a book. LOL
WOW! Your words are a blessing indeed! Thank you Lordluvr. Definitely gotta catalog your book on my shelf. The main thing that sticks out to me is the very thing I have to remind myself of every day - and that our counselor emphasized to all 3 of us last year:
The only person's actions you can control are YOURS.
While I do realize this, it's definitely not so easy to live by in the midst of my storms. But it's this very thinking that helped me to pull back some when I used to need to control everything. I came up with an acronym in my mind...or the Lord gave it to me - somehow this just dropped in my spirit, and I try to "run it" as often as possible in my head. (Obviously, it wasn't working this particular Sunday.
) When people and situations start working me over, I say to myself...
"WAY!!!!" It stands for
Worry
About
YOU! Alternately, it can stand for "
What About
YOU?" "Where are
YOU?" Or..."Who are
YOU?" Or..."What are
YOU?" Etc., etc. You get da picture. When I run that in my head, it's not that
I am the only one who matters, it's just a quick, handly reminder for me to deal with the one person I can control and not drive myself crazy trying to manage other people's responses and actions. It's like an "at ease" command that works wonders
when my mind cooperates. And now that you've got me thinking about it, the best part of this is that WAY is the the first part of the John 14:6 essence of Chist...the Way, the Truth and the Life! GLORY!! See what y'all done did...gone make me preach in here!
Just thought I'd share that. Honestly, I haven't used "WAY" lately, but your response was a great reminder to help me re-focus. The rest of Point #3 was powerul too. I may just have to copy, paste and post some of these responses somewhere I can read them every day, til I get better over this thing. BLESS YOU Lordluvr! And all of you who have shared. Y'all don't know how much you've helped me! I love you guys already. Continue to let the Lord use you LGM fam.
Poll