How do you handle when the Director & the M.O.M cant get along?

[ilovetosingforgod]

Here is the situation.....
I am the director of the Combined Choir...(there is only 2 choirs in our church) The MOM at first was very becoming to me...
But as of lately she has been stand offish and communicate more with the choir's secretary...
For example last rehearsal the mom got the Choir Secretary to Teach a song... She didnt make me aware of the song and it being introduced. So the Choir Secretary got up and sung the song... So after she got finished singing I took the lead and begin teaching the song... I think she (MOM) was trying to exclude me from it all togather... But I decided that I would take a stand and I would teach the song and luckly I knew the song already.....
My question for you is how would you handle a situation where you are the director and the MOM will not communicate with you and she lets you know nonverbally that she dont plan to do any better...
I wil text her during the week to ask her what her plans are for rehearsal she will not respond but she communicates with the choir secretary and the Choir President. .....
Here we are Sunday going be celebrating our Pastor's' Anniversairy and she has yet to tell me what song were going to sing....

[sjonathan02]

You have to call her on it. Ask the problem; see if a solution can be reached, then go from there.
If that doesn't work, talk to the pastor...all of you.

[dr.fingers]

Hello,

This is the first time I have used this site and I am enthralled to be here.  Let me say thanks for posing the question just for the sake of discussion.  I have often experienced as well as seen situations like this when people are not clear on their position, priorities and purpose.  This dysfunction can be resolved if the two parties are willing to come to a common ground and discuss the issue.  The bible says if anyone has an aught against anyone, then go to them (in a non-confrontational way..."a soft answer turns away wrath").  If there no common ground is not achieved then do what the rest of the scripture says and follow the chain of command.  The pastor should be the last recourse.  If he is a good leader, he will already be abreast of the situation.  You never want to be a hinderance to anyone in any ministry so I can also say to you, EMPOWER YOURSELF with tools to at least be cordial and professional at all times.   A little introspection - look to see if YOU are the problem or not.  Sometimes people can be triggered or have triggers that cause the replaying of a negative memory.  It could be misdirected.  Hope I could help.

dr. fingers

[baggettcindy]

First....welcome Doc!!  @Ilove....is there anything that could've caused her to be distant? This is really weird to me.  I would apologize to her...you know..."sorry if I offended you in anyway"...put the ball in her court and see what she says.  Try to work it out before you elevate it. 

[betnich]

That's a hard place. I'd go with the suggestion of approaching her first - that's Matthew 18.

But if communication has totally broken down, you may have no choice but to go to the leadership to get it sorted out...

[LaylaMonroe]

You have to call her on it. Ask the problem; see if a solution can be reached, then go from there.
If that doesn't work, talk to the pastor...all of you.

That's really the only way to handle it.

Coupled with Cindy's post, this is what you need to do.

[Poet_fo_life]

always, always, always, confront with a witness for the sake of keeping the peace... I am a mom, and like any relationship, without communication, there is room for the enemy to have his way...
Prayer has a way of changing a persons heart and mind, especially when your in the will of God.  Seek God concerning this matter, and then like others said approach her on it, but only with a witness so mess will not get started beyond that which is already in place.

[MrSparrow06]

I think that everything that needs to be said has been said... Except this... Document what has been going on so when you meet with your Pastor you can read what's been going on. You won't have to put how you feel, just exactly what happened. That will help the meeting go smoother.

[melodic_keyz]

always, always, always, confront with a witness for the sake of keeping the peace... I am a mom, and like any relationship, without communication, there is room for the enemy to have his way...
Prayer has a way of changing a persons heart and mind, especially when your in the will of God.  Seek God concerning this matter, and then like others said approach her on it, but only with a witness so mess will not get started beyond that which is already in place.

Amen to that!! We often leave out the witness.  Thanks for the reminder