Say What You Need to Say...

[nessalynn77]

You know this is probably a bit of a rant, but in the spirit of my thread title...

Why post things like, "I would say something but I know how people are."  Or "I have something to say but y'all can't handle it", or  "", or some related statement?

If you have something to say, say it.  If you don't want to say it, why post something antagonizing? 

[Fenix]

I agree. It is annoying and you are being disingenuous.

[LaylaMonroe]

Who does that (other than the obvious, since U13 just said that)?

I used to see the  a lot, but I haven't seen it in a while.

Anyway, to answer the "why" part of the question, my take on it is this: everybody communicates differently. I just had it out with a friend over the weekend because she has THE MOST ANNOYING HABIT of saying "do you want... oh nevermind, I know you're gonna say no" or "maybe we could... nah you won't like that." That kinda stuff drives me INSANEUPTHEWALLCRAZY. I hate it. Another friend of mine does that too, come to think of it. But I understand where it comes from and why they do it, so I give occasional passes. That's just how they communicate... and everybody communicates differently. It's all a part of our personality make-up.

[under13]

Maybe to say that we acknowledge something, but we dont want to hear certain people wine and cry, or we dont want to spend the day going back and forth. *shrug*

[LaylaMonroe]

Oh, addition to my comment:

Some people really don't have the courage to go out on a limb with their thoughts. I will speak for myself. As outspoken as I am, I do not have as much courage* as some people think I have. You should see the stuff people ask me to write about. Just yesterday, I visited a certain church and a friend told me I should write a blog about the experience and use it to combat people's perceptions about that particular church. Just the fact that he asked me that showed me that he clearly doesn't realize what a punk I really am. I have a little bit of spine, but surely not that much. These folks would run me right out of Atlanta, and y'all would probably run me right off of LGM.

A lot of people say things here on LGM that I know I wouldn't have the courage to say. Sometimes, you just don't feel like putting yourself out there, but you want it to be known that you have an opinion and would rather not share it at the moment.

OAN, it also drives me nuts when people say "I'll comment later." I don't consider it a bad thing, just humorously annoying, if that makes sense.



*it's not really "courage," I just couldn't think of a more appropriate word. *shrug*

[under13]

Oh, addition to my comment:

Some people really don't have the courage to go out on a limb with their thoughts. I will speak for myself. As outspoken as I am, I do not have as much courage* as some people think I have. You should see the stuff people ask me to write about. Just yesterday, I visited a certain church and a friend told me I should write a blog about the experience and use it to combat people's perceptions about that particular church. Just the fact that he asked me that showed me that he clearly doesn't realize what a punk I really am. I have a little bit of spine, but surely not that much. These folks would run me right out of Atlanta, and y'all would probably run me right off of LGM.

A lot of people say things here on LGM that I know I wouldn't have the courage to say. Sometimes, you just don't feel like putting yourself out there, but you want it to be known that you have an opinion and would rather not share it at the moment.

OAN, it also drives me nuts when people say "I'll comment later." I don't consider it a bad thing, just humorously annoying, if that makes sense.



*it's not really "courage," I just couldn't think of a more appropriate word. *shrug*

Believe it or not, I only give yall about 50% of what I feel...maybe less. If I said all of what I felt, everyone would hate me.

[nessalynn77]

Maybe to say that we acknowledge something, but we dont want to hear certain people wine and cry, or we dont want to spend the day going back and forth. *shrug*

Here's the thing.  You call it whining or crying (and it's not just you btw, I guess some don't realize that they do it) but if the purpose of this board is discussion, no matter how much you disagree, then it appears that you just don't want to discuss it, in which case why even acknowledge it?

It seems like a dig, to me.  Like saying, "I can really say something to you, but you're opinions are so wrong and so beneath me that I'll just let everybody know that I have a more enlightened opinion, but I won't share it because you're not worth discussing it with"

That may not be what you mean, but that's how it feels to some of the other participants in the discussion.  There are a lot of times I could say the same, but it's so doggone passive-aggressive, and I know I don't care for it when it's done to me.

[nessalynn77]

It's like joining a debate where everybody else shares their side and their reason, and you disagree but won't open your reason up to discussion.  You keep yours hidden while everybody else is vulnerable to criticism.   I can't respect that.  You either gotta be all in or stay out.  (Just my opinion)

***The "you" here is not any direct person.  Like I said, many people do this.***

[LaylaMonroe]

This board (and every other message board I know of) is full of passive-aggressive behavior. I mean, to be honest, I think that this thread falls under a passive-aggressive category. I'm not hurling darts, I'm just saying... like you said, Nessa, maybe some people just don't realize they do certain things. Making a comment about "some people" when you could direct it to the ones you're referring to is passive aggressive. But maybe sometimes passive-aggression keeps peace? Idk... just thinking aloud, I guess.

My thing is this: I'm approachable, especially in private. If I do something that's wrong or even a nuisance, I'd like to be told so I can either explain it or fix it. BTJM. That said, like I said, everyone communicates differently. A lot of people have communication habits that are annoying to me, and I'm sure I have some that annoy others (hence this thread, perhaps? LOL). I would ask why address it indirectly? Why even acknowledge it. #rhetorical

[LaylaMonroe]

It's like joining a debate where everybody else shares their side and their reason, and you disagree but won't open your reason up to discussion.  You keep yours hidden while everybody else is vulnerable to criticism.   I can't respect that.  You either gotta be all in or stay out.  (Just my opinion)

***The "you" here is not any direct person.  Like I said, many people do this.***

Not so, Nessa. You've done that yourself a time or two (but please don't ask for an example, because my memory isn't specific like that). But I do know there have been discussions where you've either kept your opinion to yourself because you didn't want to get involved in the fray or didn't want to beat a dead horse, OR where you've said "I'm gonna stay out of this one" (paraphrased).

[nessalynn77]

This board (and every other message board I know of) is full of passive-aggressive behavior. I mean, to be honest, I think that this thread falls under a passive-aggressive category. I'm not hurling darts, I'm just saying... like you said, Nessa, maybe some people just don't realize they do certain things. Making a comment about "some people" when you could direct it to the ones you're referring to is passive aggressive. But maybe sometimes passive-aggression keeps peace? Idk... just thinking aloud, I guess.

My thing is this: I'm approachable, especially in private. If I do something that's wrong or even a nuisance, I'd like to be told so I can either explain it or fix it. BTJM. That said, like I said, everyone communicates differently. A lot of people have communication habits that are annoying to me, and I'm sure I have some that annoy others (hence this thread, perhaps? LOL). I would ask why address it indirectly? Why even acknowledge it. #rhetorical

I wouldn't list names, because that's not really the point.  The point is that it bothers me enough to rant about it and if someone does it and has a differing opinion, they can post it here where we can discuss it.  I won't shy away from saying my true feelings about a subject, but I also won't force someone else to state theirs.  If I ever don't want to state my true feelings, I just won't say anything at all.

[nessalynn77]

Not so, Nessa. You've done that yourself a time or two (but please don't ask for an example, because my memory isn't specific like that). But I do know there have been discussions where you've either kept your opinion to yourself because you didn't want to get involved in the fray or didn't want to beat a dead horse, OR where you've said "I'm gonna stay out of this one" (paraphrased).

Yep, sure have.  But to me, saying I'm going to stay out of this one, doesn't have the component of saying, "Oh I could really let you have it if I was so inclined."  Most of the ones I stay out of, I don't really care either way or if I have an opinion it's just not that important to me.  It's not a statement to the people involved that I agree or disagree.  If I did, I'd say it or say nothing.

[sjonathan02]

Here's the thing.  You call it whining or crying (and it's not just you btw, I guess some don't realize that they do it) but if the purpose of this board is discussion, no matter how much you disagree, then it appears that you just don't want to discuss it, in which case why even acknowledge it?

It seems like a dig, to me.  Like saying, "I can really say something to you, but you're opinions are so wrong and so beneath me that I'll just let everybody know that I have a more enlightened opinion, but I won't share it because you're not worth discussing it with"

That may not be what you mean, but that's how it feels to some of the other participants in the discussion.  There are a lot of times I could say the same, but it's so doggone passive-aggressive, and I know I don't care for it when it's done to me.

This. I can't stand it, either, Nessa.

[LaylaMonroe]

I wouldn't list names, because that's not really the point.  The point is that it bothers me enough to rant about it and if someone does it and has a differing opinion, they can post it here where we can discuss it.  I won't shy away from saying my true feelings about a subject, but I also won't force someone else to state theirs.  If I ever don't want to state my true feelings, I just won't say anything at all.

Oh ok. I totally missed that part in bold. I didn't realize that was part of the point. I gotcha.

[LaylaMonroe]

I just think the bottom line is what Nessa said: apparently some of us don't realize some of the things we do. *shrug*

[sjonathan02]

Yep, sure have.  But to me, saying I'm going to stay out of this one, doesn't have the component of saying, "Oh I could really let you have it if I was so inclined."  Most of the ones I stay out of, I don't really care either way or if I have an opinion it's just not that important to me.  It's not a statement to the people involved that I agree or disagree.  If I did, I'd say it or say nothing.

I disagree.  If one has nothing to say, then one need not annouce he/she has nothing to say. Just get some popcorn and chill.

[nessalynn77]

I disagree.  If one has nothing to say, then one need not annouce he/she has nothing to say. Just get some popcorn and chill.

You're probably right.  I'll remember that going forward.  *places order for family size white cheddar popcorn and cherry pepsi*

[LaylaMonroe]

I disagre.  If one has nothing to say, then one need not annouce he/she has nothing to say. Just get some popcorn and chill.

Is that the French version of disagree?

[sjonathan02]

Is that the French version of disagree?

Oui.

[nessalynn77]

I was looking for an extra "e" to loan him... lol.