Help me figure this out re: a homeless church member

[LaylaMonroe]

I mentioned this in the CS thread, but we got to talking about the perception some men have about women being paranoid or controlling, so we didn't discuss this subject.

Are there any thoughts on this? An active and faithful church member (never misses a service, participates in several auxiliaries, attends Sunday School, Bible Study, the whole nine) becomes homeless. The pastor allows her and her children to stay in a part of the church (not the sanctuary, no pews or beds; they sleep on the floor).

Is it wrong to think that the pastor or someone in the church should have invited her to stay with them, if they have an extra bedroom (or two)? Does this speak to a broader issue about how society, the Black family, and the church have moved away from the sense of community we once had? If you knew of a family that was homeless, would you allow them to stay in your guest room or family room until they find a home?

[LaylaMonroe]

Just as I was clicking 'post' I remembered that when I was younger, a sister from our church moved in with us. I was too young to really understand it, but I was mad because it meant that ALL my sisters and I had to share a room (there are five of us). My parents gave her my older sisters' room, and they moved into the younger girls' room. Then to make it worse, they were ready for my baby sister to move out of their room so she came into our room as well. It sucked.

It turned out, the woman had a fire and lost everything. We had a 3 BR house with 1 bathroom. So there were 3 adults and 5 kids living there... that lasted for at least a year. It seemed like forever. Maybe those are the experiences that created my frame of reference for situations like this. I just have the 'as long as the door can close' belief... *shrug* It may not be comfortable, it may not be convenient, but if I can help someone - especially a sister or brother - I just will.

[csedwards2]

hospitality is not my strong suit. However, I have felt the Lord soften my heart in this area, specifically in the area of "lending to the Lord" - (giving to someone without the expectation of return). There are promises in it for us if we do, but its hard to offer up something that results in inconvenience. I pray I'll be ready when the time comes.

[under13]

I'd honestly would be happy to sleep in the church. *U13Shrug*

But I agree with you. My father was always one who would let family and friends stay with us. It was a major nuisance as some of them were alcoholics, and drug users. However when it was our turn to be homeless we were taken in by family and never had to spend a moment in a shelter or on the streets. If I had a house, I would be reluctant to have someone stay with me as I like my privacy, but you reap what you sow, and you never know how your actions today will help you tomorrow.

[LaylaMonroe]

I don't think my friend had a problem sleeping in the church. I think she was happy to have some place to go. It was ME who was like   Why didn't your pastor offer his home???? But I realize people don't HAVE TO do that. I really do get it. I know there are different circumstances and situations, and some people live check to check and can't afford the higher water bill, electricity bill, etc. I get that. I guess my question is more geared toward the ones who CAN but don't. I remember a couple of years back, my cousin was escaping her violent husband and asked my grandmother if she could move in for a little while. My grandmother can't stand children, and my cousin has 3 (one was a baby). My grandmother said no. I really couldn't believe it. I was so hurt and angry. My cousin wasn't upset at all because we all know my grandmother. But I was pissed. She lives in a 3BR, 2 BA house with plenty of space. Then she had the nerve to tell my cousin to ask my mother. Knowing that my mother had my nieces and stepsister living there.

I just don't get people like that. Especially not saints. At least my grandmother isn't what most would call saved.

I mean, nobody really WANTS their privacy invaded or their utility bills to spike... nobody wants to adjust to sharing their space, especially when there are kids involved. But I just couldn't see letting someone sleep in a church (and there's no shower there, either???? omgn).

[csedwards2]

Regarding the can, but don't... I think many people can but don't realize it because they don't think about it long enough to solve the problems in thought first. The knee-jerk response is convenient and wipes their hands of responsibility quickly and easily. Not advocating this brand of response, just giving different perspectives

[sjonathan02]

The problem with your scenario, for me, is whether or not you know the pastor has the room, or the resources to take in this person.


Why don't those who can, do? I have no idea. 

[csedwards2]

I think I kind of thought of that a lil, because as the pastor you have both the church and the house; so you offer the church first, and if thats not suitable, then the house. idk

[sjonathan02]

I believe I'd put them in a hotel, and as a church, provide food or meals for them.  In this way, they can have some semblance of space while no one is unduly put out.

[LaylaMonroe]

The problem with your scenario, for me, is whether or not you know the pastor has the room, or the resources to take in this person.


Why don't those who can, do? I have no idea. 

The pastor has a 3 br house and no kids.

[csedwards2]

well then the wife doesnt want another woman tipping around pastor in her unmentionables.

[sjonathan02]

well then the wife doesnt want another woman tipping around pastor in her unmentionables.

Hmmm.....never thought about that.

[SavnBass]

well then the wife doesnt want another woman tipping around pastor in her unmentionables.

Probably.. as for the OT .... It is problematic.. I know a family at my church who took in a woman and her two k8ids.. and they stayed there for almost two years..  I think that burdens like that should be shared by the church .. those who can... but I think often the subject is almost taboo.. Honestly I don't know what I would do if facing that situation.

[lordluvr]

Question: I may have missed this in the original account.  I know she's homeless, but is she also jobless?  What was it that led to her homelessness?  Was she evicted?  Was she burned out?  My response to the situation would likely vary according to the circumstances that led to her current status.  Though I'd desire to help no matter what the cause, the type of assistance I'd offer and suggest the church offer, may vary according to what's more prudent.

[LaylaMonroe]

Question: I may have missed this in the original account.  I know she's homeless, but is she also jobless?  What was it that led to her homelessness?  Was she evicted?  Was she burned out?  My response to the situation would likely vary according to the circumstances that led to her current status.  Though I'd desire to help no matter what the cause, the type of assistance I'd offer and suggest the church offer, may vary according to what's more prudent.

Because it's a real-life situation, not hypothetical, I will answer via PM. I don't mind sharing the info, but the internet (and FB) has made this such a small world that I don't know who might stumble upon this.

[LaylaMonroe]

I believe I'd put them in a hotel, and as a church, provide food or meals for them.  In this way, they can have some semblance of space while no one is unduly put out.

A friend who is familiar with the situation just said the same thing. As I told her, I don't think the church can afford that, but she disagreed with me. I will say this: if we (general we) stopped putting all our money into conferences and guest musicians and guest speakers and new robes and stuff, we might have a little money to do the mission - per the book of Acts.

[LaylaMonroe]

well then the wife doesnt want another woman tipping around pastor in her unmentionables.

I don't think that's the case, but it's a point I've considered in the past. This particular wife is.... hmmm..... not really sure how to describe her. 'Not extremely outgoing/friendly'? She's not the type who enjoys being around people, and I know she really values her privacy and space. She doesn't socialize and fraternize beyond necessity, so it's not hard for me to imagine her having a "HECCCKKKKKKK NAW" type of reaction if the pastor did suggest or request that they invite the family to stay with them.

But that's all speculation because I don't know whether it was ever suggested at all or whether they have a good reason for not inviting/allowing her to stay there. As my friend and I agreed, the only thing we know for sure is that they have a 3 BR house. That's it. No clue whether there are any circumstances unknown to me...

[chevonee]

I was homeless at age 6 and we stayed in an empty tractor trailer truck overnight until a white church lady and her family took us (my bro and I ) in. I believe that it is the job or responsibility of the church to serve the homeless, sick, and needy. Especially when they cannot help themselves.

Around here, churches are too busy trying to see who can buy the biggest storefront church to decorate. It is the most embarrassing thing I have ever seen in my life. We have a church with two or three members on each corner while homeless people are walking around hungry. When a church wants to make a scene they call the local news station and "publicly" serve food to the needy.

It's a joke...FA'REAL!!

[Mysteryman]

I dont mind helping people but times are different these days. I would think about leaving another man home with my wife or children if I was married. Also the points made about bills, I would be concerned with that. Depending on the person I would help them in a different way. If the person is able to work and is responsible I might consider it but most likely I probably would put them up in an extended stay hotel buy, by some necessities, and try to find them some employment quickly. In the past, I have let people stay with me in the pass rent free hoping they would save money but they would always spend it so I shy away from that.

[csedwards2]

I dont mind helping people but times are different these days. I would think about leaving another man home with my wife or children if I was married. Also the points made about bills, I would be concerned with that. Depending on the person I would help them in a different way. If the person is able to work and is responsible I might consider it but most likely I probably would put them up in an extended stay hotel buy, by some necessities, and try to find them some employment quickly. In the past, I have let people stay with me in the pass rent free hoping they would save money but they would always spend it so I shy away from that.

experience is a teacher