OK LGM fam.. I have a very personal situation that I need help with...

[SavnBass]

My daughter is getting married. Originally she had planned to have a gay friend of hers who is an ordained minister to marry her. This man is part of a gay couple.. and they both are wonderful people. They have known my daughter since she was 13 and I know that they love her. They both are some of the kindest , nicest people I have ever met. My wife and I have a problem with this.. with this man marrying our daughter. From our perspective it would be different if he were doing this in the capacity of a civil servant but he was doing it in the capacity of an ordained minister.. and that is where the problem lay for me because my bible tells me specifically that this should not be. When we told our daughter about this she was very hurt because she felt that she was being forced to choose between her parents and her friend. I explained to her that I had no problem with either of them being in the wedding.. they are her friends.. and it is her day ..but conducting the ceremony itself... was very problematic for me. I just could not see myself giving her to a gay man to marry her off and feel that it was something that God would look down favorably upon...

She has since changed her plans but it has put a strain on herr friendship and some strain on our relationship.. I mean she still oves us of course.. but it has caused her pain..

I have discussed this with a few people.. my parents.. my wife's parents.. and some friends of ours some who are Christians and some who are not.. and her sister.. Some of them agreed and some did not ... Not surprisingly most of the folks who agree with us were Christians and most of the ones who did not were not.. but there was some cross opinions going on.. My question to you fam is this...

What would you do? Do you think that we are imposing our values on her? Do yo think we are wrong? Because what I told her was that I could not give her away to this man to marry her off to her fiancee.. and she felt that nopt having her parents at her wedding or having me give her away was not an option but she  was very hurt by that and so was her friend.. and as I said .. I love these guys.. they are wonderful folks.. but for me marriage is not something to be taken lightly and iof it is to be done under the auspices of a religious ceremony as oppoed to a civil one then it needs to be correct. This man is not the pastor of a church as far as I know... and he has no flock that I know of.. he just has a piece of paper..

What say you all..? I will be checking back in a bit...

[Hasmonean1]

I don't think you were wrong brother.  We must let our light shine even when it's not comfortable.  I probably would have done the same as you did.  If we don't stand for something we are subject to fall for anything.   The enemy wants to use our family against us but who shall separate us from the Love of God?

[berbie]

Savn,  there is no good(for all involved)answer to your question.  Someone is going to get hurt feelings and perhaps enduring emotional pain from the event no matter which way you go.  It has already occurred to some extent,  but forced action on either party's part can fester and grow as the days pass and even become years.  It is easy to see that considering your friendship with him, the gay person thought you wouldn't mind,  but he should have asked.  I'm going to stick my neck out and say that he is in the best position to resolve the matter with fewer hurt feelings by gracefully backing out and taking another part in the ceremony.  This with a smile on his face.  It would show love for a friend by not making him act against his own religion and allowing less conflict between parents and their child for this oft long remembered event.  Best that this action by him would come unrequested, but as a peacemaking gesture.  However, that does not answer your question.  Forced to the wall,  I just couldn't miss my daughter's wedding.  I would smile, and walk down the aisle with her. I'd pray to the Lord that I made the right decision, and to be forgiven for any wrong.

[SavnBass]

That is exactly what he did... He said he did not want to come between her and her parents but I just wanted to run the entire scenario by you folks.... The whole thing is just .. troubling to me. The fact that my daughter would have even considered that... and she is going to be 25 on Friday so it is her life... and she has decided to not do it as well .. but it was just so disturbing..

[funkStrat_97]

Interestingly, one area where Millennials (Generation Y) part ways with Baby Boomers and even Gen-Xr's is that they are more accepting of gays and tend not to view homosexuality as a sin. They feel that the church has more important issues to concern itself with.  As such, there really isn't a good answer to this.  Do as you feel lead by the Spirit.

[csedwards2]

I like what berbie said, he could just do another part of the service.

When my father passed, of course I wanted my pastors to eulogize, and then my mother had her pick as well. So hers did the eulogy but mine was given space to make special remarks that was a little more significant than just the reg. remarks others were making. The compromise for me was satisfactory.

For weddings, Im not sure of the different aspects of it, but its probably a way to include the friend w/o just totally leaving him in the cold.

[lordluvr]

I, personally, would not have had a problem with the person marrying my daughter.  Here's why:

1. The person is licensed/ordained to conduct the ceremony.
2. The person is not getting married TO my daughter.
3. The person's sexual persuasion has no bearing on my daughter's persuasion, beliefs or Christianity.  For me, it's no different than allowing any other gay servant to perform a function for me.  I let gay people serve me food.  I let gay people deliver my online ordered products.  I let gay people count my money at the bank.  They are all performing a service for which their sexual preference has no bearing on the service provided.  Dude is ordained to conduct the ceremony.  I would have let him do it, ESPECIALLY because of his friendship with my daughter.  Some would argue that his sexual preference DOES have a bearing on the service provided, but I disagree.  He's simply officiating the ceremony.  He's not giving marital counseling.  He's not preaching a service or anything that would pose a conflict.

It's a slippery slope, I know.  Emotions can run high on both sides of the issue.  I tend to choose my battles.  This is one that I don't feel strongly enough about that I'd fight it.  However, I don't think you're wrong for fighting it because you DO feel strongly enough about it.

[SavnBass]

Thank you all for your input...  Things are still the same.. but I was considering telling my daughter top do what she wanted to do.. but I just have a problem with it in the context of a Christian ceremony when we know that according to scripture this is not something that God condones.. 

[terranb7]

If you truly believe in God's word, then you did the right thing. The word of God tell's us it is an abomination, If God does not smile on it, neither should we, so many times we take down or compromise God for the world. The word of God tell's us to be not conformed to the things of this world, but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind in Christ Jesus.

[Hasmonean1]

   I feel that marriage is both a legal action of men and a holy covenant ordained by God.  If a person should view marriage solely as a legal action, then yes a "gay minister" has the right by law to perform the ceremony for indeed it would be a common undertaking in our everyday life.  I view marriage as being a covenant between a man and a woman that would be a very reflection of the covenant between God and his people or Christ and the church.  The big difference, as we all know, is that the marriage covenant is intended to last until death whereas the others are intended to be eternal.  It is the holy aspect of marriage that gets discarded so often today.  Because it is special, and I know how God feel about those who put away "the natural use of a woman or a man",  I would not condone any wedding to be performed by such a person.  If I didn't think their lifestyle was sinful then I wouldn't have a problem with it. 

  I've been married 23 years and I know we wouldn't have made it past year 1 had it not been for the Lord on our side.  He showed such by letting me see myself.  Likewise I know we won't make it to year 24 without the Lord.  We've endured things that most couples would not and could have called it quits at any given year along the way but the grace of God has led us thus far.

   I can feel the disappointment may be that your daughter did not acknowledge the seriousness of the matter the way you did.  You raised her and may be feeling like you are to blame.  Don't blame yourself just continue to be the Man of God he has called you to be and guide your kids in the way they should go being led by the Spirit.  Sometimes our kids will make their own decisions but yet we remain longsuffering and every prayerful.

[funkStrat_97]

   I feel that marriage is both a legal action of men and a holy covenant ordained by God.  If a person should view marriage solely as a legal action, then yes a "gay minister" has the right by law to perform the ceremony for indeed it would be a common undertaking in our everyday life.  I view marriage as being a covenant between a man and a woman that would be a very reflection of the covenant between God and his people or Christ and the church.  The big difference, as we all know, is that the marriage covenant is intended to last until death whereas the others are intended to be eternal.  It is the holy aspect of marriage that gets discarded so often today.  Because it is special, and I know how God feel about those who put away "the natural use of a woman or a man",  I would not condone any wedding to be performed by such a person.  If I didn't think their lifestyle was sinful then I wouldn't have a problem with it. 

  I've been married 23 years and I know we wouldn't have made it past year 1 had it not been for the Lord on our side.  He showed such by letting me see myself.  Likewise I know we won't make it to year 24 without the Lord.  We've endured things that most couples would not and could have called it quits at any given year along the way but the grace of God has led us thus far.

   I can feel the disappointment may be that your daughter did not acknowledge the seriousness of the matter the way you did.  You raised her and may be feeling like you are to blame.  Don't blame yourself just continue to be the Man of God he has called you to be and guide your kids in the way they should go being led by the Spirit.  Sometimes our kids will make their own decisions but yet we remain longsuffering and every prayerful.

It's more than just a point of view....it's a fact.  Marriage definitely has legal consequences for believer and non-believer alike.  Now, as believers in Jesus Christ, we also know that there are spiritual consequences that apply.  BTW, a big congratulations to you and your wife for surviving, I mean celebrating, 23 years of marriage  .

[SavnBass]

   I feel that marriage is both a legal action of men and a holy covenant ordained by God.  If a person should view marriage solely as a legal action, then yes a "gay minister" has the right by law to perform the ceremony for indeed it would be a common undertaking in our everyday life.  I view marriage as being a covenant between a man and a woman that would be a very reflection of the covenant between God and his people or Christ and the church.  The big difference, as we all know, is that the marriage covenant is intended to last until death whereas the others are intended to be eternal.  It is the holy aspect of marriage that gets discarded so often today.  Because it is special, and I know how God feel about those who put away "the natural use of a woman or a man",  I would not condone any wedding to be performed by such a person.  If I didn't think their lifestyle was sinful then I wouldn't have a problem with it. 

  I've been married 23 years and I know we wouldn't have made it past year 1 had it not been for the Lord on our side.  He showed such by letting me see myself.  Likewise I know we won't make it to year 24 without the Lord.  We've endured things that most couples would not and could have called it quits at any given year along the way but the grace of God has led us thus far.

   I can feel the disappointment may be that your daughter did not acknowledge the seriousness of the matter the way you did.  You raised her and may be feeling like you are to blame.  Don't blame yourself just continue to be the Man of God he has called you to be and guide your kids in the way they should go being led by the Spirit.  Sometimes our kids will make their own decisions but yet we remain longsuffering and every prayerful.

Thank you.......