Big Problem..Need Advice.

[Big T.]

My drummer has been causing a lot of problems for me, and now here is the biggest. Several people have come to me to tell me that he has been living an alternative lifestlye. He has even started bringing them to church. He also has been coming to church smelling of alchohol. I know that I have to do something, but what would be the best approach? Please help me!!!

[under13]

Talk to him, give him a month to get right and If he cant do it, then sit him down or fire him.

Can you define alternative lifestyle?

[sjonathan02]

My drummer has been causing a lot of problems for me, and now here is the biggest. Several people have come to me to tell me that he has been living an alternative lifestlye. He has even started bringing them to church. He also has been coming to church smelling of alchohol. I know that I have to do something, but what would be the best approach? Please help me!!!

Use the biblical premise found in Matthew 18. There must be a standard.

[under13]

Use the biblical premise found in Matthew 18. There must be a standard.

Matthew 18:15-17 (The Message)

 
 15-17"If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him?work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you've made a friend. If he won't listen, take one or two others along so that the presence of witnesses will keep things honest, and try again. If he still won't listen, tell the church. If he won't listen to the church, you'll have to start over from scratch, confront him with the need for repentance, and offer again God's forgiving love

[karlmhoon]

Matthew 18:15-17 (The Message)

 
 15-17"If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him?work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you've made a friend. If he won't listen, take one or two others along so that the presence of witnesses will keep things honest, and try again. If he still won't listen, tell the church. If he won't listen to the church, you'll have to start over from scratch, confront him with the need for repentance, and offer again God's forgiving love

Amen to this

[Big T.]

Talk to him, give him a month to get right and If he cant do it, then sit him down or fire him.

Can you define alternative lifestyle?

By alternative lifestyle, I mean to say that he has be said to be, and confessed to being homosexual.

[LaylaMonroe]

You need to quietly ask yourself (and possibly ask the Lord) if these people are coming to you with a genuine concern, or just to bring you gossip.

Secondly, if your church teaches against homosexuality and has a "no-homosexual" standard for those who serve in ministry, and a number of people are bringing this to your attention, you do, indeed, have a problem on your hands.  I assume that since this drummer is a servant in the ministry, he is aware of the standards of the church.  Therefore, you should go to him, one on one, and ask him pointedly whether he lives this "alternative lifestyle."  If I were you, I would not mention that other people have suggested that he is gay.  That's messy, and it will probably make him very uncomfortable and resentful.  Plus, he'll probably want to know "who" and you probably won't want to disclose that...

If he is gay, and comfortable, then you, your HR people, and/or your pastor need to determine what is the appropriate next step.  If he is gay and uncomfortable, then you need to minister to him, and/or ask him if it's okay for you to talk to the pastor about this situation.  If he says he's not gay, there's nothing you can do, IMO.

Regardless of what his reaction is, your only response to the people who originally came to you should be "thanks for bringing this to my attention; it has been dealt with," and nothing more.

Regarding the alcohol... big no-no.  If you've smelled it yourself, tell him that you've smelled it, and ask him if he has a problem with alcohol.  If he does, minister to him and offer outside assistance.  If he says he doesn't, tell him that you cannot tolerate him serving in ministry carrying that odor, and that if it happens again, disciplinary action may be taken.

Most importantly, if I were you, I would tread very lightly.  These are very serious issues that could really run him off if not handled with love and sensitivity.  Watch your every word, gesture, tone of voice, and pray first.

[Big T.]

You need to quietly ask yourself (and possibly ask the Lord) if these people are coming to you with a genuine concern, or just to bring you gossip.

Secondly, if your church teaches against homosexuality and has a "no-homosexual" standard for those who serve in ministry, and a number of people are bringing this to your attention, you do, indeed, have a problem on your hands.  I assume that since this drummer is a servant in the ministry, he is aware of the standards of the church.  Therefore, you should go to him, one on one, and ask him pointedly whether he lives this "alternative lifestyle."  If I were you, I would not mention that other people have suggested that he is gay.  That's messy, and it will probably make him very uncomfortable and resentful.  Plus, he'll probably want to know "who" and you probably won't want to disclose that...

If he is gay, and comfortable, then you, your HR people, and/or your pastor need to determine what is the appropriate next step.  If he is gay and uncomfortable, then you need to minister to him, and/or ask him if it's okay for you to talk to the pastor about this situation.  If he says he's not gay, there's nothing you can do, IMO.

Regardless of what his reaction is, your only response to the people who originally came to you should be "thanks for bringing this to my attention; it has been dealt with," and nothing more.

Regarding the alcohol... big no-no.  If you've smelled it yourself, tell him that you've smelled it, and ask him if he has a problem with alcohol.  If he does, minister to him and offer outside assistance.  If he says he doesn't, tell him that you cannot tolerate him serving in ministry carrying that odor, and that if it happens again, disciplinary action may be taken.

Most importantly, if I were you, I would tread very lightly.  These are very serious issues that could really run him off if not handled with love and sensitivity.  Watch your every word, gesture, tone of voice, and pray first.

Thank you ofr the sage advice. I will be following it.

[bass_mann1]

I agree whole heartedly with LaRue 1212, we have gone through a similar situation, they have been ministered to, I believe neither wanted to listen, so the Lord is dealing with them (sickness, loss of job, losing use of their limbs), that gave another opportunity to minister to them again, I think they may listen this time, either way, we all must keep them in prayer 

[Big T.]

I agree whole heartedly with LaRue 1212, we have gone through a similar situation, they have been ministered to, I believe neither wanted to listen, so the Lord is dealing with them (sickness, loss of job, losing use of their limbs), that gave another opportunity to minister to them again, I think they may listen this time, either way, we all must keep them in prayer 

That's true. When we let the Lord deal with problems, that is for the best.

[momuzik]

... Several people have come to me to tell me that he has been living an alternative lifestlye. He has even started bringing them to church...

Just curious, if he starts naming names of other folks working "in ministry" with his kind of lifestyle, what are you prepared to do?

... He also has been coming to church smelling of alchohol...

If he points to someone in ministry that he drinks with (who doesn't carry the smell of alcohol), what will you do?
I just know that when people go down, they don't want to go by themselves - they like to take somebody with them.
Whatever you do, make sure you base it on facts; not just rumors.

[themidiroom]

That's true. When we let the Lord deal with problems, that is for the best.

Big T you could always kick the drummer.  If it doesn't kill him, it might make him forget about his alternative lifestyle.  Sorry, just trying to find a bit of humor in this difficult situation.

[Lildrummaboy66]

You need to quietly ask yourself (and possibly ask the Lord) if these people are coming to you with a genuine concern, or just to bring you gossip.

Secondly, if your church teaches against homosexuality and has a "no-homosexual" standard for those who serve in ministry, and a number of people are bringing this to your attention, you do, indeed, have a problem on your hands.  I assume that since this drummer is a servant in the ministry, he is aware of the standards of the church.  Therefore, you should go to him, one on one, and ask him pointedly whether he lives this "alternative lifestyle."  If I were you, I would not mention that other people have suggested that he is gay.  That's messy, and it will probably make him very uncomfortable and resentful.  Plus, he'll probably want to know "who" and you probably won't want to disclose that...

If he is gay, and comfortable, then you, your HR people, and/or your pastor need to determine what is the appropriate next step.  If he is gay and uncomfortable, then you need to minister to him, and/or ask him if it's okay for you to talk to the pastor about this situation.  If he says he's not gay, there's nothing you can do, IMO.

Regardless of what his reaction is, your only response to the people who originally came to you should be "thanks for bringing this to my attention; it has been dealt with," and nothing more.

Regarding the alcohol... big no-no.  If you've smelled it yourself, tell him that you've smelled it, and ask him if he has a problem with alcohol.  If he does, minister to him and offer outside assistance.  If he says he doesn't, tell him that you cannot tolerate him serving in ministry carrying that odor, and that if it happens again, disciplinary action may be taken.

Most importantly, if I were you, I would tread very lightly.  These are very serious issues that could really run him off if not handled with love and sensitivity.  Watch your every word, gesture, tone of voice, and pray first.

Co-sign!