Being forced by mother to be on the Praise Team

[SketchMan3]

Ok, so MOM's, I have a question. What do you do when you have a praise team member who makes it clear they do not want to be there? During rehearsal he does not sing, he just stands there with everyone else, staring at his phone texting, facebooking, etc. He does not listen to the director, and does not seem to take Praise and Worship seriously. He brings a spirit of rebellion, and just puts off bad vibes in general. Then when he finally does decide to sing, it's just not as good as it should be. When we have a new song to sing, he does not listen to it, does nothing, really, in preparation for learning the song. He's never there when it's time to sing for service, we always have to go running off looking for him, or he walks up in the middle of the song.

We really need to be united for this thing to work, and one undedicated person can mess it up for the rest. He really seems like he just wants to leave. I think he should, for the sake of the Praise Team, and for the sake of the worship service.

But he can't

Because his mother is forcing him to sing in some strange attempt at making him "use his talents for the Lord", for the sake of his Spiritual life.

I really don't know what to do. On one hand, it seems like he's already "not there" mentally, so his physical presence is a distraction, and it doesn't feel like he really takes anything about church seriously.

On the other hand,  I don't want to push him away from serving the Lord, because I really care for this dude. It's really a hard dilemma, because there's not much I can do about it, because his parents are also my parents, and I want to honor there decisions.

[LaylaMonroe]

He really seems like he just wants to leave. I think he should, for the sake of the Praise Team, and for the sake of the worship service.

But he can't

Because his mother is forcing him to sing in some strange attempt at making him "use his talents for the Lord", for the sake of his Spiritual life.

I really don't know what to do. On one hand, it seems like he's already "not there" mentally, so his physical presence is a distraction, and it doesn't feel like he really takes anything about church seriously.

On the other hand,  I don't want to push him away from serving the Lord, because I really care for this dude. It's really a hard dilemma, because there's not much I can do about it, because his parents are also my parents, and I want to honor there decisions.

Your parents (or as it appears, your mother) are misguided, though perhaps well-intentioned.

If I were you, I would use the family advantage and try to explain to your mother exactly what you've explained here. She's not helping her son, and worse yet, she's  hindering the effectiveness of ministry (the music ministry, the praise & worship ministry, and the church). Or perhaps you can talk to your father?

Also, if this is an option, I would talk to the MOM (or whoever is in charge of the PT) and address my concerns with him/her. I would suggest that your brother be allowed to participate in rehearsals, but not minister during services until he is able to sing with the same spirit of the PT.

I mean dang, Mom, praise & worship is MINISTRY. Is he even saved? How can you allow someone who may not even be committed to Christ to actually minister??? That's heavy. And quite problematic.

That reminds me, have you asked him whether he wants to be there or are you assuming based on his body language and behavior?

[THE WOLFMAN]

"mom, his heart aint in it, God aint pleased. He need to saddaown"

[betnich]

We have this problem in our small church - 5-6 kids who do want to sing in the Kids' Choir, and a couple of preteens who do NOT, but are being forced to by their moms. Have talked w/the leadership to have only the kids who attend rehearsal sing (instead of calling all the kids up), but with no success.

As the Bible says, a little leaven...{sigh}

[nessalynn77]

The only thing she's cultivating is resentment.  Especially at his age.

[LaylaMonroe]

I've been a "meddling kid" in the past, and I just don't want to be the bad guy anymore. Maybe I should just leave it to the leaders.

I so know that feeling. I declare I live it every day of my life.

Most days it bothers me to no end. But it's who I am. *shrug*

I want to tell you not to stop trying, but I think I'm kinda biased, so...

I dunno. Maybe you should just leave it alone. 

[betnich]

Yes, leaving it to the leaders (and to the Lord) is best. The dynamics are complicated by the fact that it's all in the family.

The MOM could try confiscating his texting device, but that wouldn't solve the deeper problem...

[LaylaMonroe]

I meant to say this earlier.

When my daughter started her "change" (from perfect, angelic, dream child to "what the heck have you done with my baby???"), she started hanging out with girls of whom I didn't approve. I have some acquaintances that have a community youth choir, and they are an awesome ministry. The teenagers and young adults there really love the Lord and are just on fire for Him. They are a close-knit group, and hang out together a lot outside of ministry. I thought this would be a great environment for my daughter, so I asked her if she wanted to check it out. She said no, but I cajoled her into at least trying it.

She never really gave it a chance (because she didn't want to do it), and that annoyed me... so we entered into a power struggle, and I made her go. She would sit through rehearsals barely moving her lips, looking angry, withdrawn, resigned, and just out of place. Then, she asked me if she could quit the usher board at our church (which she previously enjoyed doing) since I was making her do PG.

Then, they started having Bible Studies (discussions) on alternating weeks instead of rehearsals. She loved it. She actually asked me if she could skip rehearsals and just do the Bible Studies.

It didn't change her life (not yet, anyway), but the seeds were planted, and it was very good to see her excited about the Word, and making new Godly friends. Nonetheless, if I had it to do all over again, I would not have forced her. It only made her resent Jesus, church, and her parents.

[gtrdave]

On the other hand,  I don't want to push him away from serving the Lord, because I really care for this dude. It's really a hard dilemma, because there's not much I can do about it, because his parents are also my parents, and I want to honor there decisions.

I don't see a dilemma at all and the solution is easy.
Find out where his gifting lies, see what ministry that lines up with and then have him serve there.
Brother wants to stand there and text and play with his phone...first of all, that's a huge no-no during rehearsal and not allowed where I am...but is he a tech-head at all? Maybe there's some kind of tech ministry for him? Maybe a web ministry or web-page or Facebook page for the church that he could update? I dunno, just some ideas...

People (family) need to get over their own personal agendas and find out what God's will is and then do THAT instead of trying to please and/or manipulate people. I know, easier said than done...but still, it's gotta be done.

And I agree: "Maybe I should just leave it to the leaders."
Yes, you should, but it's sad that you have to watch leaders not lead.

[LaylaMonroe]

I don't see a dilemma at all and the solution is easy.
Find out where his gifting lies, see what ministry that lines up with and then have him serve there.
Brother wants to stand there and text and play with his phone...first of all, that's a huge no-no during rehearsal and not allowed where I am...but is he a tech-head at all? Maybe there's some kind of tech ministry for him? Maybe a web ministry or web-page or Facebook page for the church that he could update? I dunno, just some ideas...

People (family) need to get over their own personal agendas and find out what God's will is and then do THAT instead of trying to please and/or manipulate people. I know, easier said than done...but still, it's gotta be done.

And I agree: "Maybe I should just leave it to the leaders."
Yes, you should, but it's sad that you have to watch leaders not lead.

Though I do see the dilemma, that's good stuff, Dave.

He actually has a great gift for music. And the younger teens look up to him.

Inspired by Dave's comment, I ask: have you asked him what, if anything, HE wants to do with his gift?

And I asked earlier, have you asked him if he doesn't want to be there or are you just assuming based on his posture/behaviors?

[gtrdave]

He actually has a great gift for music. And the younger teens look up to him.

Then I defer to Wolfman's reply:

'"mom, his heart aint in it, God aint pleased. He need to saddaown"'

I'm sure I'm not getting the whole picture of what's going on, but if younger teens are looking up to him, then all the more reason he needs to either get serious or get out. He might be influencing the same behavior in them, although they're not showing it yet. Are they really looking up to him, or do they just think that he's cool?

[sjonathan02]

Then I defer to Wolfman's reply:

'"mom, his heart aint in it, God aint pleased. He need to saddaown"'

I'm sure I'm not getting the whole picture of what's going on, but if younger teens are looking up to him, then all the more reason he needs to either get serious or get out. He might be influencing the same behavior in them, although they're not showing it yet. Are they really looking up to him, or do they just think that he's cool?

In the minds of teenagers, there isn't much of a difference.  And, because of influence however great, he does need to saddown.


I agree with ask the child what he wants to do and move from there. As parents, let's stop putting our dreams on our kids and allow them to dream for themselves, eh?

[Ladycft]

I think it was a good idea forcing him into the praise team. May I ask, "How old is he??" At some ages kids dont know what to do. She is trying to lead him in the right direction God. Sometimes kids need to be forced in somethings to keep them out of trouble.


As I look back through my years. I didn't like singing in the choir. But im glad my parents made me go to church. Made me sing in the choir!! And as I was growin up it help me to pray about different situation I faced at school. And through out my daily life.


Some times we all need a little encouragement!!!!!! 


Exspecially growing up!!! Kids needs the encouragement to keep them going each and everyday. When he starts to sing. Tell him that he sings good!! Keep doing the good works of he Lord!!  That God sees his heart!! And yes God is real!!! He may not see it now but his mom is trying to help him out. In the  future he will thank his mom.


You have some kind of power there. By being his sister!! Use it!!!   He looks up to you also. Throw your arms around him and tell him that you love him. And thank him for helping you sing inside the praise team!! That he just dont know how much his help means to you!! Hopefully, you will see a change in him!


P.S:Please whatever you do, Take up that phone! If you see him with it out, ask him one time to put the phone up. Tell him if you see it out again. It will be taken up!! He can get it after practice is over! Do it in front of all the kids so they will know not to do the same thing!!


Stay Blessed!! *Ladycft*

[LaylaMonroe]

Anybody else think Ladycft is actually SketchMan's mom? Hmmm...

[sjonathan02]

Anybody else think Ladycft is actually SketchMan's mom? Hmmm...

 

[sjonathan02]

I think it was a good idea forcing him into the praise team. May I ask, "How old is he??" At some ages kids dont know what to do. She is trying to lead him in the right direction God. Sometimes kids need to be forced in somethings to keep them out of trouble.


As I look back through my years. I didn't like singing in the choir. But im glad my parents made me go to church. Made me sing in the choir!! And as I was growin up it help me to pray about different situation I faced at school. And through out my daily life.


Some times we all need a little encouragement!!!!!! 


Exspecially growing up!!! Kids needs the encouragement to keep them going each and everyday. When he starts to sing. Tell him that he sings good!! Keep doing the good works of he Lord!!  That God sees his heart!! And yes God is real!!! He may not see it now but his mom is trying to help him out. In the  future he will thank his mom.


You have some kind of power there. By being his sister!! Use it!!!   He looks up to you also. Throw your arms around him and tell him that you love him. And thank him for helping you sing inside the praise team!! That he just dont know how much his help means to you!! Hopefully, you will see a change in him!


P.S:Please whatever you do, Take up that phone! If you see him with it out, ask him one time to put the phone up. Tell him if you see it out again. It will be taken up!! He can get it after practice is over! Do it in front of all the kids so they will know not to do the same thing!!


Stay Blessed!! *Ladycft*

I disagree. Why can't he be an usher (or junior usher)?

Why can't he work in the media ministry (since he likes gadgets)?

Maybe, he can teach the little ones in Sunday School (provided he's equipped)?

There are many places where one can serve.   Why do so many people immediately jump to the music ministry? 

[LaylaMonroe]

He's a good kid because I promise you this: if my parents had tried that with me at 17 years old (SEVENTEEN???) they would see a rebellion to rival legion and I ain't playin either. At 17, I really wasn't trying to be told what to do beyond normal house rules (and I wasn't a bad kid, either). He's a really good kid.

[sjonathan02]

Seriously, I know. I thank the lord for this dude every time I see how a lot of other kids act out. Seriously, some of the stuff kids these days be doing... it's like the difference between Bart Simpson and Stewie Griffin.

I LOL'd.

[gtrdave]

What he seems to want to do with his musical gift is hip-hop/r&b. Yeah...

See, I'll probably be called a radical heathen and all that, but if I were the MOM at your church, I'd try to work that in if he's good at it and can glorify the Lord with it.

[sjonathan02]

See, I'll probably be called a radical heathen and all that, but if I were the MOM at your church, I'd try to work that in if he's good at it and can glorify the Lord with it.

He can always do some Canton Jones.