Trouble's In My Way Isn't Just a Song, Please Pray

[compton3c]

Sometimes I really have a hard time with dealing with troubles, let me highlight some to make it brief:

lost job by passing out, (chemical exposure, I believe) 06-2012

home could be auctioned off 09-03-13 (in foreclosure)

wife retired years ago because of diabetes complications which almost took all eyesight (only 20 degrees from center left in one eye--thank God for that)

what work I get is with sister paying BELOW min. wage for farm work, and is for a few days, almost dark to dark

home has been falling apart

Boxes/ clutter everywhere and wife does almost no cleaning/ laundry, thus I'm not too motivated to do but the necessary! I've dealt with her on this, but that's the default for her, no cleaning! We had to empty her stuff from teaching, a 10' x 10' storage unit of 5 years, because of financial woes, now there's hardly walking space and danger of moving even more stuff

Looking for God's hand, things appear to get worse, feel so alone, like no one cares, but thankful for God's blessings and what we do have

Fear being forced out of home where stuff would take LONG TIME to remove with nowhere to go, no money to get another place, afraid if new job, this could come to pass while working and be fired missing work to deal with it

church where I go seems to be dying (a handful of members, like 8 adults--less than the few more we used to have, church started 7 or 8 years ago; the pastor's ideal way to run things is his way, with him only having to preach once a month with members self-training and putting together messages, teachings; to teach/ preach voluntarily (he does seem to seek God, but his manipulative methods have only been evident to me the in the last year or so, I guess because he was turning to me to try and free up his prep time).

have been discouraged, not as much by word (except through indirect implications in the pulpit, and a push to fulfill above listed ideal) as by action/ lack of encouragement against playing in the church, even when I've been able to play some songs, I've been hindered.

Due to stress/ worry, fallen in my walk before, had drug relapses, devil working hard, but today stand free of it, thank You, Jesus

Go to Celebrate Recovery, like the church there, but can still feel isolated, not receive response from the very person who is over the group

waiting to see if it's God's will I leave this storefront church, asking as a sign that if he can't keep storefront, that's the sign to go (this person was a co-worker at a school my wife used to teach at, and was ministering to her/ us during her sight problems/ 7 operations)

--I'm sorry, this is long, please pray, I am so despairing, but I still have that ray of light that God is going to do something, don't know if we will have to move out to the street, and it's close at hand, makes it harder to be motivated. I have even been hindered in continuing to learn to play, can't afford teacher, and with all the aforementioned, as well as seen as not wanted to play in the church (the pastor plays 2 or 3 chords, carries the service, I think he gets jealous and shows by his doings--he wants to call ALL the shots, in the whole ministry!), I stand wanting, needing and imploring the help and guidance of the Lord.

Thank you for reading

Thank you for praying

thank you for believing

thank you for not judging

thank you for loving as Christ loves, may I be more like Him.

I look forward to giving a testimony of the awesomeness of God, what He's done for me. I do love Him, adore and cherish Him, may I do it in word and action always and walk in the Spirit, Word and love.

Be blessed and I pray your blessings manifest according to His will, in Jesus name.

--Craig

[betnich]

Am praying. May God be with you, touch you both, and give you strength and wisdom in your difficulties.
Just left a 'Storefront' situation myself, so I can relate to your struggles w/the church.

Here's a thread on Storefront churches. for some comic relief - http://www.learngospelmusic.com/forums/index.php?topic=81469.0

BTW - Does your wife use social services or go to Braille Institute classes? If she's visually impaired IMO she could use fellowship and advice from others in a similar situation. She could be depressed...

[compton3c]

Thanks betnich. I appreciate it. God is good, the comic relief is good and enlightening--I haven't even finished reading all of it, yet.

She doesn't use any social services, at the time. We're getting food from a few places, I think she'd have difficulty (we both probably would) locating records they'd require. She has been working a little bit with an online product service, answering calls and looking up info, but limited sight restricts her time before the PC. We had heard of the Lighthouse of the Blind, but she hadn't expressed a desire to go to anything like that. We may review some of these things in the future, yeah, she's been depressed, we both have, but are usually upbeat despite circumstances, events and inability to fix/ pay for things, bills, etc. I don't know how, it's hard to imagine, but I know God going to work it out, somehow. It's just hard fighting off fears of being forced out of our home by the sheriff. It's been a downward spiral since she was forced to retire. Jesus IS our HOPE, in spite of my fears, worry, etc. Will he condemn for worry, or judge, fail to answer, fail to help? I don't believe so, He's lookin for a place in our lives to rely on Him, build our faith (the Word intake is always good), to yield to Him, regardless of this difficulty, I praise Him, love Him and am thankful for His blessings, love and concern. I'm fearful, doubt, worry and fail sometimes, but He's faithful and doesn't abandon me. I do have the faith to see him working a miracle. Matthew 7:7-11 talks of asking, receiving, seeking, finding, knocking, it shall be opened. (This is one reason, the chief reason I posted this. Our. Our collective prayers are so powerful! And we learn to love as He lives, to pray as He prays, to have compassion, to get outside our box that the devil just rejoices to see us stay in.) God is good. He gives us good things--I believe He will do it, I just execute His wonderful and precious Word.

Sorry for wordiness, however, it's helping build my faith, and I trust, the faith of others. I will testify of the goodness of the Lord, I will bless His holy name. I still have the faith to practice, at least freehand, on my keyboard, regardless of rejection to play/ learn more playing with the pastor. I'm getting better, I can play in ways he can't, but I'm not looking to out-do, I just want to do well. I'm desirous to play for God's glory, He's put melodies and some songs in my heart that I just quite can't play yet, but I'm getting better, getting closer. I've been at it close to 3 years now. The devil wants to hinder, he has hindered in this area and others, but I look to the Author and Finisher of our faith. I believe He will bless this area, too, for it hasn't died like some other dreams I've had (video, to name one).

I'll state about what I can do: I can play a number of keys of major and minor scales fairly well,  most I can play without mistakes (I often will do this if I don't do anything else).

I practice inversions on majors, doing it some on minors

I can read a basic treble clef, and use fake books in key of c, but was having hard time with Timing issues, especially moving to 1/16ths, and for a long time sought to play by ear to be able to play in church.

I shoot for the ability to play what songs I know in any key, but heck, just being able to play them without error is challenging

The song I know best is one learned from YouTube: This Is My Desire

I can play a basic song that God has given me, but it needs more work and perhaps more lyrics.

I don't know why I'm talking about all this, I guess it's in my heart to play fo' real.  :-)

Anyway, I look forward to getting to know this community, for being a blessing and a service, thank you all.

Peace be unto you,

--Craig

[compton3c]

Hi, thanks to all who pray, still pray. I'm going to make it short, further details can be posted if requested:

God made it possible for mortgage to be modified. We are on probationary stat., God is moving in answer to prayer. I'm working, though low wage, I'm grateful to God, looking for his direction. Attending another church as well (along with the 1st, but only at 2nd location), Spanish (I have moderate fluency) and am welcome to play along with; pastor seems genuine not controlling, or at least authority properly handled, so I'm looking for God's direction, am dedicated to God, and purpose so every day. This pastor was met, somehow by my other storefront church pastor who wanted a 2nd location, but this other servant seems more upfront and doesn't hide intent, motive or play a manipulation game (although the other man has a heart for God/ people...), so I'm just being wise, not disparaging, gossiping but waiting upon the Lord and seeking His direction, results, etc. Anyway, brothers and sisters in Christ, if we pray, trust and wait (patience and service both meant here), God will come to our aid. Be faithful, He is. He will perform it, hold on, praise and thank Him, find out what the Word says and pray it back to Him. Be blessed.

--Craig C