Dating in the Church: Allowed? or Shouldn't Be Allowed?

[Cinta]

:? What do you think,

Should people in the church be allowed to date, or not necessarily date, but just spend quality time together having a mutual conversation in a Holy and pleasing way unto the Lord?  If you are a mature Christian and you connect well with someone in the church and you have a special bond, should you be able to build a relationship that would soon lead to marriage?  I know in my old church, we always told the youth to not go out with anyone in the church because then they would use the church as their meeting spot where they would do their own thing.  Was that wrong? Should we allow it?  This subject is kind of confusing.  Whatchu tink?

[B3Wannabe]

Dating isn't a sin, so why would it be wrong? The problem is, like I said in another thread, when people think of what dating consists of, one of the first things that come to mind is sex. Dating has nothing to do with that. However, I feel that dating is a serious thing, one that is a precursor to marriage, and I feel that you shouldn't date someone, if you're not considering marrying them. Doing so, in my opinion, sets yourself up to get tempted into sin.

[Cm9_Ed]

I feel that you shouldn't date someone, if you're not considering marrying them. Doing so, in my opinion, sets yourself up to get tempted into sin.

I agree and disagree. I belive that the Bible holds the instructions for the christian life. If we would do just what it says, we could prevent most of the trouble we get it. Dating does lead to premarital sex, but at the same time, I couldn't run up at beautiful woman that I see on the street and prepose to her before I get to know who she is. Christians should date, but hold strong to christian values for the duration of the dating period.

If you are not ready to get married, dating can open a whole boat load of temptation. So I guess you shouldn't open your self up to this temptation unless you feel that you are strong enough in the Word to resist. If you are looking for that special someone, then I believe dating is the first step.

As for dating in the church, I believe that it is a good thing to find someone that have the same beliefs and christian values, but younger saints are more likely to fall into temptation and loose focus on the Lord at church. So I guess overall, in my opinion, it depends on the person and their relationship with God.

[c3hamby]

I hear people sometimes talking about being opposed to dating in church, but I hear those same people wanting to marry a Christian!?

People should learn how to date in a respectful way.  

I don't think dating has to necessarily lead to sex.  I mean, one could say that meeting someone of the opposite sex leads to sex....

Anything good can lead to sex.  Anything good can lead to a right relationship.

[DbKeysinCT]

no church can say u can't date people in that particular church, if ur mature enough to meet someone who u click with in chucrh and ur both christians then whats the problem?

[bigtforreal]

I'm not going to say dating is wrong..however we as believers can't have the same approach as the world does in regards to dating.  A stereotypical worldly dating is more of being with someone just to be with someone.  And that leads to pre-marital sex and spiritual, emotional strongholds.

As believers...I believe that the apporach that we got to have is that it's cool to have someone, to be in relationship. However we want to make sure that we approach it as being friends first.  We got to have that pure friendship first and if their is some qualities that the man and woman may like about each other..it can lead to courtship..and then courtship is preparing to marry that person over time.

We can't be dating somebody just because, I agree it could lead to something ungodly.

I kind of agree younger people shouldn't be "dating",especially the worldy view of dating.  However if we do meet someone from the opposite sex, we have to build a solid friendship (it is cool to go kick it to the movies).  Some say it's best to kick it with a group.  However build on that friendship that could possibly lead to courtship and then to marriage.

If we are single with no "friend" (or even with "friend"), We have to build ourselves to God and be everything what God wants us to be so we can be the best possible person you can be in God eyes.

T

[Cm9_Ed]

On the same lines, what about Pastors? At the last church I played for, the paster was dating a much younger female from the choir for at least 3 years now. A lot of ppl had problems with it. If would feel that we should date in the church, why is it so taboo for minsiters to date?

[BBoy]

This is definitely an issue that would vary from Church to Church. Therefore, I strongly believe this is an issue that should be addressed the particular pastor of that church. There is no one answer that would address every Church, because different churches struggle with different things. Just like some nineteen year olds are mature enough to date, and some forty years olds are not at all ready to date!  

Some churches struggle with sexual sin in the group. This was the case with the Corinthian church. Some churches struggle with a gossiping spirit, and the people aren't strong enough to challenge each other not to gossip. In these cases, dating in the church can lead to either fornication, or good people's reputations being ruined as people accuse them of fornicating. Some Churches are full of people who have been divorced and have not been healed from the divorce . . . . therefore they are either desperate to marry again or very negative about the whole issue of marriage.

As a single Bible teacher, I am VERY careful if I choose to date someone in the Church. And no, I would never date anyone whom I didn't think a future with God and them could be a possibility. Even so, when you are single and saved, people LOVE to dig in your business . . . .ESPECIALLY if you are in visible ministry, because the Bible says not to let our good be evil spoken of.

Another problem is when one person has gone through extensive Bible training on how to date as a Christian, and another person has not. This is why, as a counselor, you should try to avoid counseling only one person in the realtionship. So again, this is an issue that pastors should address because they know where their people are spiritually and how much they know.  

So my two cents is that this should definitely be addressed to the pastor of the Church.

Be Blessed!

[c3hamby]

Bboy, this is just to further this discussion along-I don't understand how a preacher of a church can say, "none of you people can date each other, cuz you don't know how to date!".  

That would be assuming the preacher knows that nobody knows how to date, that there's not ONE person in the church that knows how to date.  

But you are right, you do have to be careful...if you know how to date, you're not going to date someone that can't respect what is important to you.  People that know how to date wisely don't get in restraining order situations!  8O  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  8O

[BBoy]

Oh, I agree . . . most definitely people should not issue blanket statements such as "No one should date here." That would be silly . . .  If no one dates, how can anyone get married?

The issue is how the situation is handled by the Church. For instance, it might even be wise for a dating couple who are active in visible ministry to go to separate churches if the church is struggling with gossip, lest rumors damage someone's ministry. Or let's say that two people date for a while and then decide that this isn't God's will and they decide to be friends. Too many people being involved can be disastrous . . . . "Oooh, what happened? Why aren't they married?" This can easily happen.

For a church that has a lot of divorced people, the pastor may feel led to ask people to hold counseling sessions if they are dating.

For a church that seems to struglle with fornication, etc . . . . the pastor may want to appoint leaders in the church to hold other people accountable if they date, etc.

We must remember that the pastor always sees what the other people don't see or know simply because they are the pastor. As a boss on my job, I know of particular situations that my staff don't know about . . . so I may, in the best interest of the entire staff, do something that everyone might not understand.

This is a good discussion, but I think that some of the confusion with issues like these may come from actually not understanding what the office of a pastor is. Please don't take offense, anyone . . . this is meant to no one in particular. There is simply no way that the church can see what the pastor sees or know what he knows. If they are doing something, there is probably a very good reason for it . . . a reason that we would probably agree with if we knew all the details that they know.  

Be Blessed

[key-wiz]

Amen

[c3hamby]

Ok thanks, I think I misunderstood something before.

[Cm9_Ed]

I understand that churches are different, but I don't understand why christian beliefs have not been standardized. I guess this is the reason for denominations. When one doesn't agree with someone's interpretation of the scriptures, they break off. The bad thing is that this is seen within like denominations. A pastor at one church (B.C. for example) is dating someone and his congregation accepts it, but at another "B.C." church, the congregation, deacons, etc... presure the pastor to marry or not date.  :?

[c3hamby]

I understand that churches are different, but I don't understand why christian beliefs have not been standardized. I guess this is the reason for denominations. When one doesn't agree with someone's interpretation of the scriptures, they break off. The bad thing is that this is seen within like denominations. A pastor at one church (B.C. for example) is dating someone and his congregation accepts it, but at another "B.C." church, the congregation, deacons, etc... presure the pastor to marry or not date.  :?

Well, that might be an example of a preacher that is being told that for a particular reason, it does say in the Bible that if you're acting improperly toward the virgin you are dating, that you should do the right thing and marry her(not word for word).  So maybe they are addressing a particular situation.

Then again, having been a preacher's kid I know that many people stick their noses where "...angels fear to tread...."  I have known churches that forbade their people to date each other, but it was not to address a specific congregational issue, that's just what they believed.  What do the member's do?  They do it secretly, which leads to shame and sin, or they end up marrying someone outside of the church.

[newgreaterlover]

it depends on what your purpose for dating is
a lot of people I know met their Husband or wife because they went to the same church.
so I think it Just depends on what the purpose is

[scoop]

I totally appreciate everything that was said about this topic. It is sort of a sticky topic. Firstly, I think that dating in the church between emotionally and spiritually mature people is good... in fact I think that's the way God wants it. What if I dated someone who didn't go to church in the hopes of swaying her and keeping the old church members out of my business? This would likely pull me down b4 anything else.

Also, talking about something that was addressed earlier ~we should only date when we are considering marriage~ I want to add to that. I was friends with this girl... she was saved! We'd gotten progressively closer...still Holy y'all  :lol: All of a sudden things got awkward... Long story short, we backed up, and did the 'friend' thing again. Then the awkward stuff faded. So I think that dating doesn't always end in marriage, but we should probably look for it in the long run.

[c3hamby]

dating only for marriage?  

Well, people who date a lot before they get married, and I don't necessarily mean serious dating, they going to be better off, because they have some social skills, and they know what to look for, if no one has ever gotten to know a woman, and they only date the woman they are going to marry, how are they going to know who they need to be looking for.  I understand that God provides, but I feel that we need to go thru the stages of growth in relationships....

[Cm9_Ed]

Churches are full of people who have been divorced and have not been healed from the divorce . . . . therefore they are either desperate to marry again or very negative about the whole issue of marriage.

I myself have been divorced. I married someone from church. It took me a long time to begain dating again because I had a strong belief that it would be sinful to date again, so I remained single. Then I found out that my ex remarried, but it resulted in another divorce. It is hard for me to move into the marrige direction right now because there are so many failed marriages out there. This is affecting my current relation ship because she is ready to move on the next level. Should I have remained single until I am ready to remarry?  It's difficult to be alone.

[GIRT]

My question to all that have replied to this question and ones that will reply in the future. What does the bible say about dating? That's a million dollar question. Everyone has his/her own personal beliefs in what they think that God stated about dating. I've played for churches that don't think a person should date but they constantly preach about how to prepare for marriage (you should meet the person of interest in public places in a group). You can't get to know somone in that fashion. I even see that someone has mentioned something to the effect of counseling. The probelm with that is you are getting someone's personal belief on what he/she thinks that you should do. Some of these people aren't married themselves. My answer to the whole dating issue is to seek GOD for whom he has for you not for how you think will be right for you. We as Chirstians will ask GOD for anything in this world inculding getting married but we want GOD to bless us to marry the person that we want and not the person that he has for us. When we stop listen to people about this topic and listen to GOD then all of us will be with our intended mate. GOD has a way to put you with who he wants you to be with. I know with out a doubt that GOD put my wife and I together. People in church talked about it. The pastor informed me that GOD had let her know that my wife was a member of her church. My wife was in NC and I was in SC over 100 miles apart. As my friend Keith "Wonder Boy" Johnson would say "Let go and let GOD have his way."

[c3hamby]

Ok BBoy, where are you, let's see those dating verses!!!!

(and nothing from Song of Solomon neither!!!) :oops:

Here's one for ya:

"The man shall leave his mother, and the woman leave her home.  The two will become one flesh"

Here's another:

"After the Lord created Adam, he saw that it was not good for man to be alone"

One more:

"Be ye not yoked with an unbeliever"

Here's another:

"Thou shalt only date people in your church or people met in groups.  Thou shalt not see ye a counselor if ye become disconsolate about said people that ye should meet"

Whoops, that's not in there.....