christian marriage

[nica24141]

A friend (who is very devoted to her church) came to me and asked me for some advice.  She was married in the church and after the wedding found out a lot of disturbing things about her husband.  He has been lying and cheating on her since before they got married.  She decided to go to counseling with her pastor, but the pastor told her mother intimate details of their sessions so she doesn't trust him anymore and now they aren't in counseling.  She is now involved in an internet affair with some guy and her husband is doing all the awful things he promised her he wouldn't do anymore.  My question is if you are a Christian, how long and hard should you fight to save your marriage?  Is divorce ever an option?  I really need help because I fear for my friend's soul and i didn't know what to tell her.  
                           God Bless!

[Annointed-n-Appointed]

OK.  Let's go to the word and see what is says, shall we?

Now, this is the same problem the "smartest bible scholars" of the New Testament, called Pharisees, had.  They knew so much, but they couldn't understand the ins and outs of divorce.  The problem came up in Deuteronomy 24:1.  By the way, I will not give you the scriptures because I use about 6 different versions and I want you to look at them for yourself.  Anyways, the Pharisees couldn't get it.  They didn't know why Moses had said they could get a divorce.  In other words, what conduct is grounds for a divorce.

In Matthew 5: 27 - 32, Jesus is explaining the entire process to them.  He lets them know what the exact grounds are for divorce.  If there is any other reason, it is not acceptable to God.  Once again, the Pharisees came to Jesus asking him about the grounds for divorce in Matthew 19: 3 - 10.  Take a look at those verses.  They will give you a better understanding of how God views divorce and what he says is acceptable, since he knows everything anyway.  You know?

Now that I've said that, I'd also like to add this.   IF anyone wants to divorce his/her spouse they need to make perfectly sure that they have done EVERYTHING they are required to do as a mate.  I mean EVERYTHING because on judgement day, God won't say anything about what your spouse did.  He will ask you about yourself!!!  And you better come up with a REAL good excuse, you know what I mean?  We all have to analyze ourselves on a daily basis to crucify everything that is opposite of what God requires of us.

Whatever you do, please READ those scriptures.  If you'd like to do a study with me on those scriptures, let me know.  There are some more really deep nuggets of information that we can go into.  If you are on YIM, send me a message at annointednappointedbygod or AIM at is4jj.  Stay encouraged and armored!!! I love you and can't wait to see you when we get to heaven!!!

[gospelqueen]

this is a serious situation i definetly agree appointed-n-appointed Jesus did deal w/this situation. As far as i can say is you have to be lead by God. Seek God in this situation.if He wants her to leave then he will make a way of escape if not she will have to lean and depend on the Lord every step of the way-why because she's the christian and she took vows and others are looking to see the God in her life.

[BBoy]

How sad. There are two separate things your friend needs to deal with; one, her husband's actions and two, her own. His infidelity doesn't give her reason to have any type of affair, as hurt as she may be. She needs to find a Word-filled, Spirit-filled and seasoned counselor right away who can pray with her, cry or grieve with her, and help her get healed from the hurt and disappointment.

Then she can see clearly to how to deal with the actions of her husband. Now, let me repeat . . . . I am not saying she may not be hurt, but that doesn't excuse her actions. So here is a synopsis:

1. Tell her to cry out to God. Tell God how hurt she is, how angry and confused she is, but that she doesn't want sin to make her life worse. She needs to repent for HER actions and run from the sin IMMEDIATELY. It would probably be better if she is with a Holy Ghost filled sister who knows her very well when she does this.

2.  She needs to run, don't walk, to a Word-filled, Holy Ghost-led and seasoned counseling ministry immediately. If she can't find one near her, there are some ministers on this board that can help some. Have her contact a FEMALE minister on this board that she can ask for prayer from.

3.  She needs to get healed, then seek God for direction.

We will pray for her. Be Blessed, and you are a blessing to the Body of Christ and to your friend.

Then What... After all of the running is complete and the shouting and laying of hands are over than what...  The folks that prayed go home to their life... the folks that laid hands go home to their life...  Then What  You are by yourself... and that is when the pain kicks in.  I agree there has to be spiritual help!  Yet, God will not come against... her will nor the will of the man...  This is what I have always been taught.

See, it is easy to say go to the word...  Yet, Saints... I am here to tell you the word... Will hold you... BUT it won't satisfy(spelling) that yearning to release the hurt and hardness of the heart.  The best thing she can do is get away from all of it...  let it go.  I am not saying divorce... as a Therapist....  I NEVER tell people to Divorce...  I tell them to seek God and hold fast... I also tell them NEVER take advise about Divorce from someone who has never been Divorced.

[BBoy]

Oh, I would have to disagree. The Word, in fact, is the ONLY thing that will satisfy that yearning to release the hurt. The Bible says the God sent the Word, and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions. The Bible also lets us know that God will take away the heart of stone and replace it with a heart of flesh, so that we may obey His commandments. We are commanded to forgive and to love, but until the Word softens the heart so hurt by the terrible things of life, many people don't get to the point where they can love the way they are supposed to. I must repeat, Word-based, Spirit-filled counseling is necessary. . . not just jumping and running, as you say . . . but WORD based, HOLY GHOSt filled, seasoned ministry.  

Yes, there are a lot of people out there who don't know how to use the Word to apply healing to the wounded heart, and that is a shame. They are running around with no training in ministry, just telling people that everything will be alright. The Bible speaks about them in Jeremiah when it says that they heal the hurts of God's people superficially,crying Peace, peace, but there is no peace. Just like there must have been special training for you to become a therapist, there must be special training in the Word to minister. Unfortunately, this is not the case .. . however, it is what this sister needs.

Be Blessed . . . .