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Main => Gospel Music Lounge => Topic started by: jgause2 on April 03, 2008, 07:24:37 AM
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So i was sitting with my sig. other last night watching Tyler Perry's House of Payne...and part of the show was discussing child discipline, which sparked up an interesting conversation about how we should discipline our children, or what techniques we should use. I for one am a believer in "spare the rod, spoil the child". If I have to ask a child to do something more than two or three times and he/she doesn't do it, then we have a problem. But to her, she prefers not to PERIOD! Doing so would be a LAST resort.
So just seeking opinions, here's a few questions:
1. Do you believe in Prov 13:24 (Spare the rod, spoil the child)? Do you believe it works (If done the RIGHT way?)
2. Do you believe there are alternate ways of disciplining the child without using spankings?
3. Do you think it's better to use those "alternate ways" instead of spanking?
God Bless!
J.
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I'm gone say this, I a firm beleiver in whoopings!! Not saying that everything warrents one, but it depends on the situation, sometimes a good talking to works, others you gotta "lay hands" but in Love! That's how my mama did me and I turned out fine.
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Dude!
If this relationship is serious, you'll definitely have to work that out BEFORE you get married! Otherwise, you're in for problems!
My wife and I were on different sides at first, we were both spanked as children, but I never felt I was abused. My wife, on the other hand, didn't like spankings because she recalled her personal abuse. Now though, she's with me. We both agree, spank BEFORE you get angry, not during or after. Some parents will let things build up until they explode on the kids.
I do believe in alternate forms of discipline too. The method of correction varies depending on what our children did and the time/location they did it.
With all that said, we make sure that we SHOW them more love than correction. I always take time to play with my kids and read to them. We do experiments and walk together. But somedays....it just seems like they do one thing after another.
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I'm gone say this, I a firm beleiver in whoopings!! Not saying that everything warrents one, but it depends on the situation, sometimes a good talking to works, others you gotta "lay hands" but in Love! That's how my mama did me and I turned out fine.
Good point!
Children and women are wierd people.
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Like the Color Purple said: "Beat em." The end.
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So i was sitting with my sig. other last night watching Tyler Perry's House of Payne...and part of the show was discussing child discipline, which sparked up an interesting conversation about how we should discipline our children, or what techniques we should use. I for one am a believer in "spare the rod, spoil the child". If I have to ask a child to do something more than two or three times and he/she doesn't do it, then we have a problem. But to her, she prefers not to PERIOD! Doing so would be a LAST resort.
So just seeking opinions, here's a few questions:
1. Do you believe in Prov 13:24 (Spare the rod, spoil the child)? Do you believe it works (If done the RIGHT way?) YES
2. Do you believe there are alternate ways of disciplining the child without using spankings? YES
3. Do you think it's better to use those "alternate ways" instead of spanking? It really depends on the nature of the child. You have to know your child and you have to know which form of disciplines is helping your child. However, what ever you do it has to be done in the spirit of love.
God Bless!
J.
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Yea, different kids require different forms of discipline.
My wife only needed to be spoken to by her parents.
I needed a lil' bit mo'. ::)
It's your house, as the parent, it's up to you how and your spouse as to how you will discipline your kids.
Sometimes, that rod is physical. Sometimes, that rod is emotional, or psychological.
Whichever way, use. the. rod. ;)
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Two points i'll like to make :
1. When you use the rod, make sure sure you're not just venting your anger or frustration. This is the message most kids get when whipped.
2.Try both (Spanking and the alternate) and see which works more for the child.When you beat a child too often,he/she might just get used to it and at that stage the beating wont stop them from doing whatever they want to do.There were times when my mum's verbal spankings stung so much i wished she used the whip instead.
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i also totally agree. I was always taught that its good to discipline(out of love), no matter how you do it, but to never doing out of anger, or hostility. And you always offset that discipline, with LOVE, letting them know that even though you did wrong, i still Love you, showing that same grace and compassion that Christ shows us, otherwise your children will grow to think that all you do is whoop, and nothing else, which is what happened to my sig. other.
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i also totally agree. I was always taught that its good to discipline(out of love), no matter how you do it, but to never doing out of anger, or hostility. And you always offset that discipline, with LOVE, letting them know that even though you did wrong, i still Love you, showing that same grace and compassion that Christ shows us, otherwise your children will grow to think that all you do is whoop, and nothing else, which is what happened to my sig. other.
And there you have it.
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ok...Uriahs take on this!
I was entirely traumatized and I refuse to use beating my children as an excuse for not taking the time to find the words that need to be used to get the same results. Talk to your children all the time. Not just when you need something or want them to do something. Pay attention to when they are misbehaving so you can correct them when the deed is small. Don't wait till something terrible happens.
I have 5 kids and and none of them got much more than a few whacks on the butt at a time and only when they were very little....(to get their attention).....after that I talk....and repeat...and punish if needed.
I don't have an issue with repeating myself. I pay attention and talk to my kids constantly. My children have very high self esteem.
I have a real problem with the way black people treat their kids. I constantly take the opportunity to speak to people about this almost every day. When people see my kids they say ...wow they are so smart and talkative and happy. How do you do it?..You see people are used to seeing our children quiet or grunting or just being bad and unruly!
Most times they have nothing to say because they are told to be quiet constantly thus they have poor command of the language. We must remember that our children aren't annoyances...they are responsibilities...!!!!
....Many things they think and do in the future will be determined by you actions toward them today!
Once again...Be nice to your children.....Don't wait till your kids burn the house down to discipline them...do it constantly!....Pay attention to them constantly!....Talk to them and engage them in conversation constantly!.....Take shut up and be quiet out of your vocabulary. Make their lives fun..on purpose....Stop what ever you are doing and sit and play with your kids...go places with them as they get older....!...Spanking is for extreme situations ONLY!...do not build unnecessary fear into your kids.
Here is the litmus test....
Pick up your hand relatively quickly in front of your child...do they flinch or guard themselves...
Pick up a belt and just carry it around.....do they cower?...do they get worried?.....
If they do react to either of these than you need to reverse that!...The fear that you build into your child converts to many things in their future...
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Kids are cute.
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Kids are cute.
When they're sleeping. ::)
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When they're sleeping. ::)
A-MEN.
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When they're sleeping. ::)
Sjon's a big meanie-head.
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Sjon's a big meanie-head.
...in fact, i think imma pay a couple of disgruntled nine-year olds in Sjon's school to attack him when he's not looking.
:P :P
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...in fact, i think imma pay a couple of disgruntled nine-year olds in Sjon's school to attack him when he's not looking.
:P :P
WoW. I know I shouldnt be talkin, but you might wanna Slow your role Homie.
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Kids are cute.
When they in the womb.
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WHOOP. THAT.........
(http://www.popmatters.com/film/reviews/h/images/hustle-and-flow.jpg)
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Kids are cute, when they are your grands. ;)
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if you really want to punish your child make them watch house of payne ;)
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if you really want to punish your child make them watch house of payne ;)
house of pain ::)
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if you really want to punish your child make them watch house of payne ;)
INDEED.
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The key to Discipline is to remeber you were once a child.
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So what are other ways, beside whoopins, that you guys punish your children?
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1. Do you believe in Prov 13:24 (Spare the rod, spoil the child)? Do you believe it works (If done the RIGHT way?)
You need to read that scripture again. People have been misquoting that scripture for decades. Proverbs 13:24 ACTUALLY READS (KJV) "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.". Also another one you might not be familiar with: Prov 22:15 "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him" When I read this I was like wow, aint too much interpretation needed on that LOL. I thank God for my momma whooping me. Didnt get them too often, but I can understand why. Time out, punishment, and talking hardly ever worked with me. I wasnt a bad child, I was just too wise lol.
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The key to Discipline is to remeber you were once a child.
True, to a point (unless you were making this/these point(s)).
a. I needed whoppins as a child.
b. My child(ren) (whenever I have them) may or may NOT need them, as well.
Time out, punishment, and talking hardly ever worked with me. I wasnt a bad child, I was just too wise lol.
COSIGN!!
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The key to Discipline is to remeber you were once a child.
That shouldnt be too hard, considering most parents are still children themselves.....
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True, to a point (unless you were making this/these point(s)).
a. I needed whoppins as a child.
b. My child(ren) (whenever I have them) may or may NOT need them, as well.
I have witness people who negate the things they have done that their children do, promoting and painting the pretty picture of being/having the ‘perfect child’. Explain and share with the child (ren) the experiences and lessons you have encountered of the same nature and others. Coalesce can open and close doors. Society forces and focuses too much on categorizing things/situations as good and bad.
Experience equal truth. True discipline can't be exercised without understanding... Anything less is just conditioned discipline tactics forced on others.
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That shouldnt be too hard, considering most parents are still children themselves.....
Noumenon!
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So what are other ways, beside whoopins, that you guys punish your children?
My son recently got a day suspension for insubordination, so instead of whippin him, he had to get up at 6am & rake my 1/2 acre backyard lost his ps3, satelite tv & if he has a bad attitude he will lose his car. I refused to wear myself out hittin a kid who is 6'2 270 lb football player :D
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I have witness people who negate the things they have done that their children do, promoting and painting the pretty picture of being/having the ‘perfect child’. Explain and share with the child (ren) the experiences and lessons you have encountered of the same nature and others. Coalesce can open and close doors. Society forces and focuses too much on categorizing things/situations as good and bad.
Experience equal truth. True discipline can't be exercised without understanding... Anything less is just conditioned discipline tactics forced on others.
Are you saying there are no good or bad situations, things or people?
I think experience equals perception; but, that doesn't necessarily make it Truth. It just makes it true to that person.
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My son recently got a day suspension for insubordination, so instead of whippin him, he had to get up at 6am & rake my 1/2 acre backyard lost his ps3, satelite tv & if he has a bad attitude he will lose his car. I refused to wear myself out hittin a kid who is 6'2 270 lb football player :D
That's what I'm talking about! Marine Corps extra duty/instruction!
HOO-RAH!!!
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?/? what's noumenon?
oh yea about correction . . . . .. .
just beat 'em beaaatttt eeeemmmmm beeaatt eeemmm
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if you really want to punish your child make them watch house of payne ;)
Flavor of Love is quite the punishment as well! You might even scare the children into overachieving at school behind watching one episode of that show.
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Are you saying there are no good or bad situations, things or people?
I think experience equals perception; but, that doesn't necessarily make it Truth. It just makes it true to that person.
Bad or good is a perception (opinion), which can be altered. Experience is something, which has been lived or seen from direct participation in events or activities.
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My son recently got a day suspension for insubordination, so instead of whippin him, he had to get up at 6am & rake my 1/2 acre backyard lost his ps3, satelite tv & if he has a bad attitude he will lose his car. I refused to wear myself out hittin a kid who is 6'2 270 lb football player :D
You'll be giving these things back, right?
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You'll be giving these things back, right?
When he completes his work & goes back to school. I teach my children to respect rules and regulations, if I don't make them see the error of there ways the court system surely will. A ps3 & satelite tv are luxuries not necessity right?
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When he completes his work & goes back to school. I teach my children to respect rules and regulations, if I don't make them see the error of there ways the court system surely will. A ps3 & satelite tv are luxuries not necessity right?
Luxuries they are. How does temporary punishment of no usage of luxury items going to back your teachings to respect rules and regulations? After the fact, he did break them, right?
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Luxuries they are. How does temporary punishment of no usage of luxury items going to back your teachings to respect rules and regulations? After the fact, he did break them, right?
OK, umm, so what exactly are you advocating? Are you saying that there is no point in punishing the child by taking away privileges?
Frankly its the PRINCIPLE, not so much the item per se, that serves as a buttress for the punishment. Plain talk: Its not about the PS3, its about the attitude towards rules and regulations. If the child cannot obey them, then the child will suffer consequences.
Children cannot understand such abstract ideas as "obedience" and "consequences" without there being a tangible, physical manifestation of those abstract ideas.
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Luxuries they are. How does temporary punishment of no usage of luxury items going to back your teachings to respect rules and regulations? After the fact, he did break them, right?
The same way it works for a good number of folks in prison.
Now, yes, there are hardened, career criminals; for them, something more would need to be done.
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Bad or good is a perception (opinion), which can be altered. Experience is something, which has been lived or seen from direct participation in events or activities.
That opinion, of bad or good, is usually shaped and based on experiences.
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That opinion, of bad or good, is usually shaped and based on experiences.
That is the truth. It always amuses me when people see the two as being mutually exclusive. :-\ :-\
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OK, umm, so what exactly are you advocating? Are you saying that there is no point in punishing the child by taking away privileges?
Frankly its the PRINCIPLE, not so much the item per se, that serves as a buttress for the punishment. Plain talk: Its not about the PS3, its about the attitude towards rules and regulations. If the child cannot obey them, then the child will suffer consequences.
Children cannot understand such abstract ideas as "obedience" and "consequences" without there being a tangible, physical manifestation of those abstract ideas.
I do not advocate otiose disciplinary tactics.
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When he completes his work & goes back to school. I teach my children to respect rules and regulations, if I don't make them see the error of there ways the court system surely will. A ps3 & satelite tv are luxuries not necessity right?
Thats what my pops did. I would have rather gotten a beating than have all my electronics taken away. The worst punisment was when They removed my bedroom door. Not fun for a 16 year old. Thank God I moved out
Luxuries they are. How does temporary punishment of no usage of luxury items going to back your teachings to respect rules and regulations? After the fact, he did break them, right?
I think it works better Than beetings. Beatings last for for 5 minutes, but not having your Stereo, Car, Keyboard TV for MONTHS hurts more than a whoopin
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My son recently got a day suspension for insubordination, so instead of whippin him, he had to get up at 6am & rake my 1/2 acre backyard lost his ps3, satelite tv & if he has a bad attitude he will lose his car. I refused to wear myself out hittin a kid who is 6'2 270 lb football player :D
That's my kinda punishment, Pastor Jeff.
My teenager had to do parent-assigned community service if she broke certain rules, which often included going into the neighborhood and picking up trash off the street. There comes a time when they're too big to hit, but still need to know that there's REAL punishment out there waiting for people who break rules... if you can't handle this punishment, surely you can't handle what awaits you in prison!!!
I've taken all sorts of things from my daughter. I won't say it all here because y'all might think I'm crazy!! LOL! But, the bottom line is that in my house, if you don't follow my rules, I don't have to "bless" you with anything more than the basic necessities.... and you betta believe that, or I'll prove it!
Luxuries they are. How does temporary punishment of no usage of luxury items going to back your teachings to respect rules and regulations? After the fact, he did break them, right?
Temporarily taking away items (or freedoms) that children enjoy is usually a wake-up call to them to show them that worse punishment lies ahead if they don't get themselves together and follow the rules. It's a way of reinforcing that they have no choice but to abide by the rules, or there will be consequences. It's a way of demonstrating that for the rest of their lives, they will have to follow rules or face consequences. It shows them that they will be rewarded for being upstanding "citizens" (of the home and in the community), and they will be chastised for breaking rules.
More specifically, there was a time that I took my daughter's wardrobe away from her. She had, on several occasions, been caught changing into a friend's borrowed clothes at school. I had warned her several times, and on the last time, it became clear to me that she didn't have an appreciation of her wardrobe, so I took it from her temporarily. By the time that "punishment" was done, she was begging for her clothes, and willing to do just about anything to prove that she was responsible and deserving, and that she would follow the rules I set for her.
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That is the truth. It always amuses me when people see the two as being mutually exclusive. :-\ :-\
It's oblivious to me that people think not.
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The worst punisment was when They removed my bedroom door. Not fun for a 16 year old. Thank God I moved out
Did moving out make you behave any better?
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I do not advocate otiose disciplinary tactics.
That is really interesting. :-\
Well you have the right to your own opinion.
But i have to ask, what form of disciplinary action do you not consider "otiose" ? What i am really curious about is HOW the taking away of rights and privileges translates to an "otiose" idea?
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It's oblivious to me that people think not.
OK i'm REALLY sorry ya'll, but this makes no kind of sense to me anyway i turn it. . :-\ :-\
Did you mean to say "It's obvious to me that people do not think." ?
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I do not advocate otiose disciplinary tactics.
1. Otiosity ( ::)) is highly subjective.
2. Do you have children?
3. If yes, how do you discipline them when they break rules?
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That is really interesting. :-\
Well you have the right to your own opinion.
But i have to ask, what form of disciplinary action do you not consider "otiose" ? What i am really curious about is HOW the taking away of rights and privileges translates to an "otiose" idea?
Producing/serving no useful results/purpose.
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Did moving out make you behave any better?
That was way back in High school, I was on punishment for having crappy grades. I'm in college now, my grades are still kinda crappy but as long as I pass and get my degree I dont really care ......
I do not advocate otiose disciplinary tactics.
You got a brutha sittin here with a dictionary. NE Way, Different things work for different people, so what may be "otiose" for your family, may not be to somone elses'.
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Producing/serving no useful results/purpose.
He didn't ask what the word "otiose" means. He asked you how you consider taking away rights and privileges to be otiose, and he asked what form of discipline to you consider to be useful or productive?
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Producing/serving no useful results/purpose.
While you are at it, do you mind givin us a pronunciation?
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Producing/serving no useful results/purpose.
You gave me the definition of otiosity (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/otiose) but no clear answer man.
You know what, never mind. It's not that important.
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You gave me the definition of otiosity ([url]http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/otiose[/url]) but no clear answer man.
Dude, You wont get far with Women, calling them "man"
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I do not advocate otiose disciplinary tactics.
Neither does anyone on this board. ;)
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That was way back in High school, I was on punishment for having crappy grades. I'm in college now, my grades are still kinda crappy but as long as I pass and get my degree I dont really care .......
See, it ain't all the teacher's fault. ::)
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That was way back in High school, I was on punishment for having crappy grades. I'm in college now, my grades are still kinda crappy but as long as I pass and get my degree I dont really care ......
Ninja, you a mess. LOL :D :D :D :D :D
Dude, You wont get far with Women, calling them "man"
Now how you gone jess assoooome that person is a woman? :-\ :-\
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Now how you gone jess assoooome that person is a woman? :-\ :-\
Well "that person" has a little pink sign next to there name and her name is Cherri. Though I wouldnt be suprised to see a male church musician who calls himself Cherri
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Well "that person" has a little pink sign next to there name and her name is Cherri. Though I wouldnt be suprised to see a male church musician who calls himself Cherri
There we go. :)
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I do not advocate otiose disciplinary tactics.
I don't know where you are going with such inflammatory comments, my son for the most part has been a model student/citizen but to think that not giving children consequences are setting them up for failure imo.
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Wanna know what I think?
Nah, nevermind...
But, I'll say this much... sometimes you do best to just KIM... ::)
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Bro, I have two daughters(ages 11 & 14) and spanking is the last thing I want to do.........................so my wife does it ;D