Can you relate to this?

[praisedlight]

hi. i'm new to this site. i'm a 20 year old female drummer from Mississippi,
don't get it twisted, i'm not some country drummer......but my main reason for posting this message is to get some feedback on a particular situation...i became a musician in the church when i was 9 years old, God blessed me with tremendous talents and one was playing the drums....people always looked at me a certain way when i would play especially the women in the church.....i was raised in a traditional Church Of God In Christ background, where skirts were usually between the knee and the ankles or all the way down to the feet. I didn't think that playing the drums in a dress was apropriate so i decided to start wearing pants so that i could remain in well respect of the church and the quality of my comfort as well as being a good drummer. I have had people in the church look at me and shake there heads in disagreement with my pants and the my talents literally, and indirectly tell me that i should not play the drums and wear pants. My Pastor actually told me that my pants offended prophets and evangelists who came to do revivals at my church and suggested that i wear more proper attire. Did I?......No i did not. Was i wrong?.....not in my opinion. I was bruised emotionally and the comments and attitudes that i had recieved pushed me into a very rebellious state of mind. I would go out Saturday nights and get drunk, and come to church Sunday morning with hangover and play. Since those days i have repented but i do not play at that church anymore yet alone live in that state anymore. I wonder should i have said something to the people who hurt my emotional stand point of "the saints" or did i do the right thing to hold my peace? Thank you for being patient and reading this.......God Bless! Please Post A Reply!!!

[JoyCH]

Praiselight:

The best advice is the Word of God.

2 Timothy 2:14- says;
"Remind them of these things, charging them before the Lord
 not to strive about words to no profit, to the ruins of the
 hearers. Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a
 worker who does not need be ashamed, rightly dividing the
 word of truth. But shun profane and idle babling, for the will
 increase to more ungodliness......

 (verse 22) .... Flee also youthful lusts, but pursue
 righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the
 Lord out of a pure heart. But avoid foolish and ignorant
 dispustes, knowing that they generate strife.  And a servant
 of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to
 teach, patient in humility correcting those who are in
 opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance
 so that they may know the truth."

Me personally, I would rather be in line with my pastor than to take it upon myself to do something that could cause a disruption to the service or church. If everybody did what they felt, the service would be in chaos. And God is a God that does things decently and in order. There are church that don't have a problem with women wearing pants and that's okay in their church but if you know it could cause a problem, I wouldn't have done it. The service is about God, not about us. We have to take ourselves out of the picture. And remember there is a constant battle between our flesh and our spirit. Don't let the devil use you. Because if you repented about it, you know it was something that was wrong, but also the devil wants you to keep thinking about it to keep you out of church.

Joy

[ddw4e]

So true Joy!! So true!    

Church folk always waste time on things that are not important. If people hurt you, you are supposed to confront them about it. Holding on to pain only causes you to become irrational. You are grown and so are they. Both sides should be able to talk about it like adults.

At the same time, why are they bugging. I grew up in a COGIC church, so I know how they can be. They will always have something to say. Just follow God's lead. Who's fault is it if those men or women see you in pants and they can not control themselves. The main issue is this.... are you any less annointed because of what you wear.

If God used a bush to minister, he can use a woman in jeans too. He used a rock for crying out loud.

For all of those legalistic church folks out there, It is a lot easier to lift a skirt up than pull some jeans down and get somebody pregnant. LOL. Funny, but true.

One more thing sister. You have one God. Please your God. A pastor, prophet, evangelist and whoever else can be offended if they want to. They are not God. So what they have a position in church. They are human just like you. Just like you, they can be in error. God does not look at any person with a title as being more important than anyone else. Some people try to put the children of God in bondage with theses lame teachings about respect that are not a matter of respect or disrespect. Sometimes it is a matter of preference. You can wear what you want to wear. You have one God. If people don't like it, don't sweat it. You do not worship them.

I don't believe in excuses. You still have the responsibility to live for God. Never let bondage and harsh words corner you to the point where you make bad choices. God is not going to judge them for what you do, but for what they do.

Simply put, you are responsible for pleasing the God that you serve. Jesus offended many along the way, but he was about his Father's business. Be about your Father's business. Not about man's business.

[c3hamby]

Churches do this sometimes.  Male dominated environments don't always make it easy for you to discuss these important things.  

This was an unfortunate double bind for you to be in.  Don't wear pants, b/c it isn't ladylike, wear a dress instead, but playing drums in a dress may cause you to be in an unladylike and embarassing situation!

I think you did the best you could-you were a kid, I'm guessing.  When adults tell you to do something, you better do it right?  But whether someone is a minister or a church folk, sometimes these people are just wrong.  Hey, my dad was a preacher, so I know, and he admits it.  "We have ALL fallen short of the glory of God."  I understand your conflict.  Sure you could've talked to someone, but I really believe you made the best decision you could at the time.   Now that you're older, you'll get another opportunity to do that.

I am sad to hear that you're not playing anymore.  I'm guessing that anyway.  I have so much respect for all gospel musicians.  You've got a talent that could take you anywhere in the world!  

I hope that you can find some healing over this situation, and that if God leads you, that you will share your talent with the world again.

[drmmrfolife]

Let's be real.....there are some womens pants that should not be worn in church!!!  Women can wear the "business attire" type slacks, something that is not revealing.  Not the type of pants that you can tell that she is wearing g-stings or a thong, or pants so tight that she's gotta jump off a roof to get into them.  That is not of God!  The last thing to do is run to the club!  Trust me! I have drums with a hangover and sometimes with alchohol seeping through my pores!  That is not cool at all, especilly when the mothers at church wants a hug.....Thank God for CHANGE!

[kadman92]

I was born again in a strict Penicostal church where regarding women did not approve of make up, jewelry, pants, or HAIR CUTS.

I don't find these things as heaven or hell issues but I do feel this way.

All of us and not just women should dress well for church and modestly, not overdone or flashy.  Clothing should be of a proper fit not tight and NOT HANGIN OFF YER TAIL(that was for the young folk) We are to have a standard of Holyness and what we wear to church says alot of how much we respect God and our Pastor.   If the Pastor tells a woman that she cannot wear a dress I see only a few things she can do.... Submit to the man of God, try to reason with him as to why you cannot wear a dress, step down from your leadership position, or leave the church.  I have a 15 year old daughter that plays the drums somtimes for church... if she knows she is playing she is permited to wear slacks or well fitting pants.  Now I don't know the policy of my new pastor so I will ask him what his opinion on the matter is.  

Womens pants are cut for women, men cannot wear them thus they are that of a woman... so I feel that is within the guidelines of the Bible... I am not in favor of women wearing out right mens clothing, it looks dumpy and tacky and for the most part it's mainly a young woman thing to do that.

[c3hamby]

Ok, but she didn't say she was wearing spray on pants.  She didn't say whether she was showing off her undergarments.  She said her preacher said 'no pants'.  

If I was her and a preacher couldn't give me that leeway that I would need to protect decency I would leave...but she started playing when she was nine.  

When I was a child my momma used to get me by the collar and drrrraaaagggggg me of to church(cause it's in my heart).  

So maybe leaving wasn't an option for her.  There's a lot of times that I would have liked to have left the church I was going to and couldn't cause of my parents.

[praisedlight]

well, no i didn't wear pants that were disrespecting in any shape form or fashion, i am a marketing representative and i have always had this conservatory look about myself, although i was 9 nine when these problems started i could not defend myself until the age of 15 maybe 16. so cut me some slack at least i didn't go hay-wild on my pastor when he asked me not to wear the pants at the request of the prohpets and evangelists, i didn't disrespect anyone....and i thank God that I didin't say something i wasn't supposed to......but thank you for the geedback....God Bless.....

[Eggs]

praiselight,

I think you handled yourself well, considering you were just a baby really.
But really, the first thing that you should do in this type of situation, is nothing... that's right ... nothing.  Accept the criticism, humbly, and then go home and fast and pray about it.  God will tell you what to do.... He always does.  It doesn't matter whether you're 15 or 40!

Don't we serve a great God?!!!

God bless you,
And if you've stopped, consider playing again, if that's what He's called
you to do!

Eggs

[b3maniac]

Acts 24:16... And Herein do I exercise myself, to have always a conscience void of offence toward God, and toward men!

Rom. 14:19... Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another. Vs 21... It is good neither to eat flesh, nor to drink wine, nor do anything whereby thy brother stumbleth, or is offended, or is made weak.

If it's offensive, then it's best not to do it! We as Christains must keep a clear conscience thats free from the guilt of offenses. You may not have understood the reasons behind the request of the Pastor, but you know, we don't always have to understand people's thinking But the main thing is to not offend people and always humble yourself. That keeps you in the clear with God! Personally, I think that it's pretty sad that you left the church over a clothing issue, But thats the past! Dead stuff always stinks when you dig it up! Go on and serve God! :wink:

[JoyCH]

This walk has nothing to do with other people. The bible tells us to work out our own soul salvation. We have a responsiblity to make every effort to please God. And how do we do that? By loving one another. If you think you can lead yourself into righteousness, its impossible. That is why the Israelites walk around in the wilderness for 40 years. (disobedience)  You have to search yourself and give yourself a spiritual check-up every now and then to see where am I at with God?  Is He please with me? Am I in line with his Word?  

Believe me, church can become routine quick.  This is what the devil wants you - fighting with the saints, ignoring God's word, putting thoughts in your mind that you know are wrong and keeping your mind on old problems/situations.

Pray and ask God to show you yourself first, the rest will follow.

Joy

[c3hamby]

I think it's more than the clothes that her preacher had a problem with.  Women have made a lot of progress in the last several years, and certainly there are a lot of great female drummers out there, but I think at the time she was going thru all of this, I could see someone having a problem with her being a female and a drummer.  A female drummer is going to experience some concerns that other female musicians might not have to, for example a female keyboardist is not unusual, a female singer, no, that's accepted.  

Are there any female drummers out there that could relate to that?

[aNdThEBeAtGoEsOn]

Hello, I am also a female drummmer at my church and I also wear pants...dress pants of course. No one at my church has ever commented on what I wear. I think as long as you look presentable its fine. If you are wearing baggy pants or really, really tights pants then that is different. I think that the pastor was very wrong for getting upset about you wearing pants...what did he want you to do wear a dress/skirt so people could see everything? (if you know what I mean by everything)..

[c3hamby]

that's my point exactly, by wearing pants, she really was protecting herself from a worse embarrasment-I don't understand why all of these other people are saying that she has to go by the preacher and that's that.  But if he really was that picky about it, she did the best thing to get out of the situation.  I just hope she is in a good situation now.  

You didn't mention, but are you still playing now after all this time?

[aNdThEBeAtGoEsOn]

I think it is rediculous that the pastor would even think about saying something about wearing pants. I mean c'mon be serious. I hope she is still playing. Her church must be very strict.

[c-walker]

its funny cause im a female drummer as well... i been playin since i was i dont even knoe.... and i wear skirts wen i play da drums... i go to a apostolic/pentecostal church.. and we plainly dont believe in certain things... being that that is my churches doctrine im not knockin u about the way u handled the situations... but mayb u could have respected your pastors opinon... i mean at the end of the day u are not pleasin them u are pleasin god.... i play in skirts and i am quite comfortably... sometimes it is hard.. but wen u have been playin as long i have u form sum type of talent in that area.. i mean i even play in heals but then again thats just me...  this is my opinion dont knock me for it... u could have handeled the situation a lil better but i glad dat u realized wut u were doin and repented of your sins... if u find it in your heart.... mayb u should go back to dat church and talk to da pastor about y he felt that way... he was only doing wut God has called him to do... and that is to lead u... if u wanna talk more email me.... cryscolive929@yahoo.com... be safe and God bless

[aNdThEBeAtGoEsOn]

I honeslty don't know how you (C-walker) play in a dress/skirt. It must be really, really long if you can do it without anyone seeing anything. I don't think how good of a drummer you are has to do with you being able to play the drums in a skirt or heels. It's just how you are comfortable. Now me, being a female drummer, could never play in a skirt. High heels maybe, but not a skirt. When I play I like to be relaxed...not wearing pantyhoes..