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Title: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: baggettcindy on October 17, 2011, 02:17:40 AM

This was posted on my "hair forum"... a site I frequent. I thought I'd post here.....what do you think about her situation. I posted in my response to her, she needed her church friend to be her cheerleader....encourage her, etc.

Have you ever been dumped or dumped another church member for not being spiritual enough?


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i do not really wish to go into detail but i befriended someone and its been about a year or so.i enjoy her company vry much and we have a similar intelect and interests. i go to worship but i might miss a week or two because honestly i dont feel like going she tried to encourage me but recently she informed me that if i dont start going regularly that i am not suited to be her friend because i am not at worship every week therefore i am not a friend of god. i was so taken aback i just left and i havent returned since. she has been my only friend for a long time. its been a month and i hear no response but i do not want to talk to her either...am i in the wrong? I am still upset and i havent gone to worship either because at this point i was just going for other people to be happy...im just not that into it anymore...

i told my mother and had a very long talk about that i will no longer be going at least until i am certain in what i want to do.i gave her my detailed reasonings too. she told me that i am just saying things i dont mean because i am mad and i am overreacting and being hypersensitive. she tried to force me to go this morning and i told her i was not planning on going today and she went bezerk...she is so emotional about religious things..now she will barley talk to me

i feel so sad.i dont want to hurt my mother but i feel so unsatisfied going...i have no friends there and always felt like i dont fit in. i dont know why. i keep myself modest,and nice, and try to live my life closley to the bible but still i am never spiritual enough for them.so i just got to thinking maybe it isnt for me...

sorry for the ramble. i would like some unbiased opinions.
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Maybe I will post some of your responses on the site; for her to read.
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: Hasmonean1 on October 17, 2011, 04:12:45 AM
Just going to church has nothing to do with being spiritual.  A good friend would encourage you to not only go but live the life that is pleasing to God outside of church.  I would suggest that you seek and find a church where you can become an ACTIVE member.  Active participation in the ministry would afford you a more meaningful purpose in church.  Pray that God will lead you to such a place where the superficial things are not forced upon you.  There is a love for all things Godly that must be obtained as well.  Once this is accomplished, your church attendance will never be an issue.  Finally my prayer is that you get a hunger and thirst after righteousness for there's a promise unto you under those conditions.

Be blessed In Jesus Name.
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: mztee09 on October 17, 2011, 07:21:51 AM
I can't say that I've ever dismissed a friend because they weren't spiritual enough.  IMO it's all relative and I can’t presume to judge where someone else is in their spiritual walk when I'm not even all that together.  I have heard other's say that they won't fool with this one or that one because of their perceived level of spirituality but I find it hypocritical since all righteousness is like filthy rags anyway.  As I get older I am increasingly turned off by the idea but this is an awesome question.
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: Arkhams Finest on October 17, 2011, 07:34:16 AM
Her friend is the one who needs a good talking to.

Jesus instructed us to be lights.  What good is that light if it's only shared with others WHO ALREADY HAVE that light?

No, the light is meant to shine in darkness.


What I do (and did as recently as 2 wks ago) is limit friendships based on where you are.  What does that mean?  My wife and I have a friend who's really sweet.  Great girl.  She goes to church once in a while and we try to encourage her, but she doesn't want God.  She invited us to her house for the weekend (she lives in Jersey), then went out to spend the night with her friend-with-benefits.   :-\

I decided I had to alter that relationship.  I still love her and talk to her on FB.  I haven't disowned her, but I put some restrictions on that relationship.  I won't be sharing any problems with her because her advice likely won't be biblical.  I won't be going over to her house for the weekend anymore, but we'd certainly go out to dinner with her.

We haven't hidden our light, but we aren't unequally yoked either.
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: dingster1 on October 17, 2011, 07:45:09 AM

What I do (and did as recently as 2 wks ago) is limit friendships based on where you are.  What does that mean?  My wife and I have a friend who's really sweet.  Great girl.  She goes to church once in a while and we try to encourage her, but she doesn't want God.  She invited us to her house for the weekend (she lives in Jersey), then went out to spend the night with her friend-with-benefits.   :-\

I decided I had to alter that relationship.  I still love her and talk to her on FB.  I haven't disowned her, but I put some restrictions on that relationship.  I won't be sharing any problems with her because her advice likely won't be biblical.  I won't be going over to her house for the weekend anymore, but we'd certainly go out to dinner with her.

We haven't hidden our light, but we aren't unequally yoked either.

Total agreement with this and do it myself
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: sjonathan02 on October 17, 2011, 07:50:27 AM
I'm more concerned about her not making connections than being 'dumped'.   It reads as if she's not trying to make connections at all, or she's looking for people to come to her and not putting in any effort herself. 

Relationships don't work that way...at least healthy ones.


If she's trying to live biblically, then why not attend church, or, at the very least, find a group of people with whom she can read and share the Word?


I think there's more here than she's being 'dumped' for not being spiritual enough. BTJM. *kanyeshrug*
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: csedwards2 on October 17, 2011, 08:01:52 AM
I would just say the truth hurts.

As Hasmo said, going to church is not the spiritual measuring stick, but her apathy to going does indicate an unwillingness to walk. Yes the friend may have worded it wrong, and truly just wanted to encourage the dumpee (Dumpy) to walk and get her life together. Dumpy just didnt want that. Who knows what she really wanted. Her immediate knee jerk response to not go at all is more concerning to me. She sounds like she's giving up on church. And I say church instead of God, because it sounds like there wasnt much of a relationship there between Dumpy and God to begin with. The same could probably be said about her legalistic friend, but she's trying and she just wanted a friend to try to live right like her. Her approach could use a little softening up though
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: LaylaMonroe on October 17, 2011, 08:14:44 AM
I agree with everything that has been said. I tend to find myself ministering to people with all kinds of issues, so I always wonder first what's up with the person before I assign the victim role. Sorry, that's just me.

My first reaction with this young lady is that she could possibly be a wearer or a drainer, one of those people that just sap you of all your strength and energy, leaving you empty and worn out. Or maybe she's one of the attention hoards, who does stuff just to get attention. There are a lot of young people out there who create or exaggerate problems just to get attention.

So that's my first line of thinking.

Nonetheless, I agree with Hasmo, Mztee (heyyyy sis!), RJ, and Jonathan: she should try to find a church where she can be active, and this so-called friend shouldn't just drop her like that. I know what it's like to minister to someone who claims they're trying to do right, but you can tell they really don't want to live holy. Just last week I had to call a friend for counsel because I made the decision to drop someone for that same reason. I'm not going to drive myself nuts trying to help someone who doesn't want to be helped. I had thought and prayed about it for a while, and then sought counsel, and then made my decision. This person was left in good hands, so I feel fine about it. The young lady who posted that thread above doesn't sound like she was left in good hands at all. But then again, maybe she knows the way and just wants to be coddled. I really don't know. It's hard to say with only one side of the story.

But for some reason, my heart goes out to her. I can feel her pain, and it really hurts. Sad story.

Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: LaylaMonroe on October 17, 2011, 08:15:59 AM
I would just say the truth hurts.

As Hasmo said, going to church is not the spiritual measuring stick, but her apathy to going does indicate an unwillingness to walk. Yes the friend may have worded it wrong, and truly just wanted to encourage the dumpee (Dumpy) to walk and get her life together. Dumpy just didnt want that. Who knows what she really wanted. Her immediate knee jerk response to not go at all is more concerning to me. She sounds like she's giving up on church. And I say church instead of God, because it sounds like there wasnt much of a relationship there between Dumpy and God to begin with. The same could probably be said about her legalistic friend, but she's trying and she just wanted a friend to try to live right like her. Her approach could use a little softening up though

May I ask what part gave you the impression there wasn't a relationship between her and God to begin with?
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: Arkhams Finest on October 17, 2011, 08:20:08 AM
My first reaction with this young lady is that she could possibly be a wearer or a drainer, one of those people that just sap you of all your strength and energy, leaving you empty and worn out. Or maybe she's one of the attention hoards, who does stuff just to get attention. There are a lot of young people out there who create or exaggerate problems just to get attention.

I would have used a word that rhymes with that one, but thanks for being more saved than I am.   :D :D :D

Great observations btw.
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: LaylaMonroe on October 17, 2011, 08:44:47 AM
Yeah, RJ, you're just not spiritual enough. :D

---------------------

OAN, I want to correct myself. I said "there are a lot of young people out there who..." and I know we have a young person or two who get upset when I say stuff like that. Truth is, in this case, they would be right. It's not only young people who do annoying things to get attention. So I stand corrected.
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: Tiptip357 on October 17, 2011, 08:51:45 AM
 :)
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: Arkhams Finest on October 17, 2011, 08:52:15 AM
Yeah, RJ, you're just not spiritual enough. :D

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OAN, I want to correct myself. I said "there are a lot of young people out there who..." and I know we have a young person or two who get upset when I say stuff like that. Truth is, in this case, they would be right. It's not only young people who do annoying things to get attention. So I stand corrected.

You can respond to that PM with a clear conscience now.   :D
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: mztee09 on October 17, 2011, 10:12:58 AM
I had to come back to this and add another two cents. I would not waste my time trying to be friends with someone who would take it upon their self to tell me if I'm a "friend of God" or not.  Unless the Lord gave them a confirmed word regarding my relationship with Him, then I wouldn't fool with them.  It just seems like thinly veiled judgement on the part of the ex-friend. As for feeling like she doesn't fit in, maybe the church she attends is cliquish.  (btw hi ms. Layla :) )
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: LaylaMonroe on October 17, 2011, 10:17:38 AM
I had to come back to this and add another two cents. I would not waste my time trying to be friends with someone who would take it upon their self to tell me if I'm a "friend of God" or not.  Unless the Lord gave them a confirmed word regarding my relationship with Him, then I wouldn't fool with them.  It just seems like thinly veiled judgement on the part of the ex-friend. As for feeling like she doesn't fit in, maybe the church she attends is cliquish.  (btw hi ms. Layla :) )

Ooooh this is good stuff. And I meant to make reference to the "not a friend of God" piece, but I forgot. What audacity she has.

And a lot of churches give off that cliquish feeling, especially to those who aren't as strong in the faith. My former pastor had to work really hard (and still does) to make sure cliques don't flourish at the church.
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: THE WOLFMAN on October 17, 2011, 10:34:30 AM
I would have used a word that rhymes with that one, but thanks for being more saved than I am.   :D :D :D

Great observations btw.

*thinking*
"boards? cords? dords? fijords? gourds? jords? lords? mords?........."
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: Arkhams Finest on October 17, 2011, 10:38:12 AM
I had to come back to this and add another two cents. I would not waste my time trying to be friends with someone who would take it upon their self to tell me if I'm a "friend of God" or not.  Unless the Lord gave them a confirmed word regarding my relationship with Him, then I wouldn't fool with them.  It just seems like thinly veiled judgement on the part of the ex-friend. As for feeling like she doesn't fit in, maybe the church she attends is cliquish.  (btw hi ms. Layla :) )



In this instance the girl really doesn't seem to have a relationship with the Lord.  At all.

i go to worship but i might miss a week or two because honestly i dont feel like going.

I am still upset and i havent gone to worship either because at this point i was just going for other people to be happy...im just not that into it anymore...




When you look at her wording you see what she really wants; someone to side with her.

recently she informed me that if i dont start going regularly that i am not suited to be her friend because i am not at worship every week therefore i am not a friend of god.

Now, I wasn't there, but this doesn't sound right.  I doubt the friend said she isn't 'suited' to be her friend because she isn't in service EVERY WEEK.  She probably mentioned her poor church attendance, but it's more likely this girl's carnal nature that caused her to make the (poor) decision to drop her. 

Again, that's no justification for dropping her.  As I said, she should alter the friendship but not drop her.  Christ doesn't give up on people and neither should we.  I'm just sayin, this girl his very particular with her wording.

she tried to force me to go this morning and i told her i was not planning on going today and she went bezerk...she is so emotional about religious things..now she will barley talk to me

Mommy tried to FORCE you then went *ahem* 'bezerk'?  Awwww, poor baby.

i keep myself modest,and nice, and try to live my life closley to the bible but still i am never spiritual enough for them.so i just got to thinking maybe it isnt for me...

Carnality 101.  'I try to live my life closely to the bible but still I am never 'spiritual' enough 'for them'.  Then she says "maybe it isn't for me"???

She DEFINITELY isn't 'spiritual enough'.   :-\
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: Arkhams Finest on October 17, 2011, 10:42:36 AM
*thinking*
"boards? cords? dords? fijords? gourds? jords? lords? mords?........."

Yep, you got it.  She's an Attention Fjord.   :D :D :D :D :D
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: LaylaMonroe on October 17, 2011, 10:47:10 AM


In this instance the girl really doesn't seem to have a relationship with the Lord.  At all.




When you look at her wording you see what she really wants; someone to side with her.

Now, I wasn't there, but this doesn't sound right.  I doubt the friend said she isn't 'suited' to be her friend because she isn't in service EVERY WEEK.  She probably mentioned her poor church attendance, but it's more likely this girl's carnal nature that caused her to make the (poor) decision to drop her. 

Again, that's no justification for dropping her.  As I said, she should alter the friendship but not drop her.  Christ doesn't give up on people and neither should we.  I'm just sayin, this girl his very particular with her wording.

Mommy tried to FORCE you then went *ahem* 'bezerk'?  Awwww, poor baby.

Carnality 101.  'I try to live my life closely to the bible but still I am never 'spiritual' enough 'for them'.  Then she says "maybe it isn't for me"???

She DEFINITELY isn't 'spiritual enough'.   :-\

I can't agree with that, but there are too many quotes and formatting for me to really reply.

I'll just say that just because she doesn't want to go to church (for WHATEVER reason) doesn't mean she doesn't have a relationship with the Lord. That's an unfair assessment, imo.

It's weird though, because I agree with your perspective; I made the same observations - especially that last quote you posted - but I just can't say that she doesn't have a relationship with the Lord because she doesn't want to go to church. Maybe she's not mature enough (naturally or spiritually) to endure whatever she's experienced at this particular church and has been turned away from church in general just because of that one church experience. Idk. But I just don't see enough to say she has no relationship.

I'll admit I'm biased, though. Church people always give the side eye when they find out you don't go to church every Sunday/Sabbath. They may not always SAY that you have no relationship, but many will imply it. And yeah, that kinda gets on my nerves a little.
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: Docdb04 on October 17, 2011, 11:03:29 AM
I had to come back to this and add another two cents. I would not waste my time trying to be friends with someone who would take it upon their self to tell me if I'm a "friend of God" or not.  Unless the Lord gave them a confirmed word regarding my relationship with Him, then I wouldn't fool with them.  It just seems like thinly veiled judgement on the part of the ex-friend. As for feeling like she doesn't fit in, maybe the church she attends is cliquish.  (btw hi ms. Layla :) )

I wasn't to keen about that "Friend of God" phrase either.  That may have set me off a bit.  Like you just received your notice saying, "You are going to sit at His right hand".  I mean...why not just say that I am going to hell because I don't come to church every week. 
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: Arkhams Finest on October 17, 2011, 11:17:32 AM
I'll just say that just because she doesn't want to go to church (for WHATEVER reason) doesn't mean she doesn't have a relationship with the Lord. That's an unfair assessment, imo.

It's an unfair assessment to say that if she doesn't want to go to THAT church she doesn't have a relationship with the Lord.  She doesn't want to go to another church either.  In fact toward the end she even said "i just got to thinking maybe it isnt for me".   :-\

Not going to church is only PART of it.  When I read her wording and thoughts on the matter I can see what she's saying and what she isn't.  I know so many people who speak that way.

She said she was going for other people.  She says her mother is "so emotional about religious things" because she tried to get her to go to church and the girl refused.

She never said she reads and never says she prays.  She said she tries to live "closely to the bible".  That's the kind of thing that a carnal person would say and another carnal person would think "gee, that sounds about right."   :D  :D  :D  :D  :D
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: LaylaMonroe on October 17, 2011, 11:23:26 AM
It's an unfair assessment to say that if she doesn't want to go to THAT church she doesn't have a relationship with the Lord.  She doesn't want to go to another church either.  In fact toward the end she even said "i just got to thinking maybe it isnt for me".   :-\

Not going to church is only PART of it.  When I read her wording and thoughts on the matter I can see what she's saying and what she isn't.  I know so many people who speak that way.

She said she was going for other people.  She says her mother is "so emotional about religious things" because she tried to get her to go to church and the girl refused.

She never said she reads and never says she prays.  She does say she tries to live "closely to the bible".  That's the kind of thing that a carnal person would say and another carnal person would think "gee, that sounds about right."   :D  :D  :D  :D  :D

1st part in bold - to clarify, are you saying that if a person doesn't want to go to church, they don't have a relationship with the Lord? (Just trying to get to your bottom line on that).

2nd part in bold - could also be a person who believes she lives holy, but hesitates to say "I live by the Bible" lest someone should nitpick the statement saying "no one is perfect, no one dots every i, no one keeps every law," etc. I think carnal people tend to stick to the whole "I'm not perfect, but I love God," or the "I may have my faults, but everybody sins so don't judge me" lines.

The second part is not really a biggie for me. I'd really like some clarity on that first one, though.
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: nessalynn77 on October 17, 2011, 11:48:03 AM
I think if she had a relationship with the Lord, his influence on the situation would be evident.  She talks like "they" are God, meaning she doesn't know him.  If she did, she would know that "they" are not him. 
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: sjonathan02 on October 17, 2011, 11:52:47 AM
I think if she had a relationship with the Lord, his influence on the situation would be evident.  She talks like "they" are God, meaning she doesn't know him.  If she did, she would know that "they" are not him.

I agree with the above poster. And, RJ.
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: LaylaMonroe on October 17, 2011, 12:11:13 PM
I think if she had a relationship with the Lord, his influence on the situation would be evident.  She talks like "they" are God, meaning she doesn't know him.  If she did, she would know that "they" are not him. 

Even if she's a baby saint?

I think we might be underestimating the influence of some churches have on some newer/younger saints.
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: phbrown on October 17, 2011, 12:17:52 PM
i do not really wish to go into detail but i befriended someone and its been about a year or so.i enjoy her company vry much and we have a similar intelect and interests. i go to worship but i might miss a week or two because honestly i dont feel like going she tried to encourage me but recently she informed me that if i dont start going regularly that i am not suited to be her friend because i am not at worship every week therefore i am not a friend of god. i was so taken aback i just left and i havent returned since. she has been my only friend for a long time. its been a month and i hear no response but i do not want to talk to her either...am i in the wrong? I am still upset and i havent gone to worship either because at this point i was just going for other people to be happy...im just not that into it anymore...

i told my mother and had a very long talk about that i will no longer be going at least until i am certain in what i want to do.i gave her my detailed reasonings too. she told me that i am just saying things i dont mean because i am mad and i am overreacting and being hypersensitive. she tried to force me to go this morning and i told her i was not planning on going today and she went bezerk...she is so emotional about religious things..now she will barley talk to me

i feel so sad.i dont want to hurt my mother but i feel so unsatisfied going...i have no friends there and always felt like i dont fit in. i dont know why. i keep myself modest,and nice, and try to live my life closley to the bible but still i am never spiritual enough for them.so i just got to thinking maybe it isnt for me...

sorry for the ramble. i would like some unbiased opinions.

The writer said they were friends for a year. Quick question (not expecting a response more a thougth to ponder) Did she consider you a friend? Or was she reaching out to you for that entire year trying to help you grow and get to know Jesus for yourself?

Because (again this is an assumption) if that was the case I don't blame the friend at all. She has been working with a person for a whole year and there hasn't been a change. I hope at least the seed was planted so now she can truly develop a relationship with Jesus for herself.



otherwise I agree with whatever Nessa has said.
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: csedwards2 on October 17, 2011, 12:19:50 PM
Id defend my position, but RJ is doing such a fantastic job. Keep up the good work
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: nessalynn77 on October 17, 2011, 12:20:35 PM
Even if she's a baby saint?

I think we might be underestimating the influence of some churches have on some newer/younger saints.
But if she's a baby saint and looks to the church to help nurture her, she doesn't seem to be feeling them, and if she's not turning to God for herself... if she's too much of a baby saint to seek God on her own, and she doesn't want anything to do with church.... if she had made some sort of commitment to God, either it was just superficial to please people, or she's definitely spiritually suicidal right now. 
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: nessalynn77 on October 17, 2011, 12:21:09 PM
otherwise I agree with whatever Nessa has said.
LOL, y'all scare me with these blank check, co-signs.  :D
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: phbrown on October 17, 2011, 12:21:32 PM
dang RJ she is setting you up with them loaded questions ...
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: phbrown on October 17, 2011, 12:22:10 PM
LOL, y'all scare me with these blank check, co-signs.  :D

LOL, my bad in that case how about this

I agree with the posts that nessa has made thus far on this topic.
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: sjonathan02 on October 17, 2011, 12:32:40 PM
But if she's a baby saint and looks to the church to help nurture her, she doesn't seem to be feeling them, and if she's not turning to God for herself... if she's too much of a baby saint to seek God on her own, and she doesn't want anything to do with church.... if she had made some sort of commitment to God, either it was just superficial to please people, or she's definitely spiritually suicidal right now.

Yes, ma'am.
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: LaylaMonroe on October 17, 2011, 12:40:50 PM
I hear you, Ness (and I assume RJ). I just tend to hesitate to assess peoples' relationships with God on (what I think is) so little evidence. But I get what you're saying.
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: Arkhams Finest on October 17, 2011, 12:53:41 PM
1st part in bold - to clarify, are you saying that if a person doesn't want to go to church, they don't have a relationship with the Lord? (Just trying to get to your bottom line on that).

Yes.  If I'm in an intimate relationship with someone, I would have no problem going to their house...no matter HOW much I talk to them.    ;)

I was glad when they said unto me, Let us go into the house of the LORD...but homegirl wasn't.   :D :D :D
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: LaylaMonroe on October 17, 2011, 12:58:42 PM
Gotcha. :)
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: sjonathan02 on October 17, 2011, 12:59:19 PM
Yes.  If I'm in an intimate relationship with someone, I would have no problem going to their house...no matter HOW much I talk to them.    ;)

I was glad when they said unto me, Let us go into the house of the LORD...but homegirl wasn't.   :D :D :D

 :D :D :D
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: Arkhams Finest on October 17, 2011, 01:04:41 PM
I hear you, Ness (and I assume RJ). I just tend to hesitate to assess peoples' relationships with God on (what I think is) so little evidence. But I get what you're saying.

Very true.  I can't say with 100% certainty.  It's just my opinion based on the situation and the wording used.
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: mztee09 on October 17, 2011, 01:05:02 PM
The thing is that no one can, definitively, say that if she left it was "because God was not in the situation" because there's always the chance that God may not have been in  the church....well in the way He should be.   They could just have easily been a bunch of people coming together every week to go through the motions and pass judgement. It may be possible that she was met with the implied notion that she may not have been a "for real christian" for not attending as often as the more dedicated member.

We don't know if they equate how often she attended church each week with how saved she was. As far as not mentioning pray, fasting, etc. she may not have thought it relevant as her main question seems to be " why did someone whom I thought was my friend, just up and decide that I wasn't worth being a friend to any longer?
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: LaylaMonroe on October 17, 2011, 01:09:22 PM
@Mztee, I couldn't agree more.

RJ, I will be PMing you when I get back to the office.
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: Arkhams Finest on October 17, 2011, 01:10:58 PM
The thing is that no one can, definitively, say that if she left it was "because God was not in the situation" because there's always the chance that God may not have been in  the church....well in the way He should be.   They could just have easily been a bunch of people coming together every week to go through the motions and pass judgement. It may be possible that she was met with the implied notion that she may not have been a "for real christian" for not attending as often as the more dedicated member.

We don't know if they equate how often she attended church each week with how saved she was. As far as not mentioning pray, fasting, etc. she may not have thought it relevant as her main question seems to be " why did someone whom I thought was my friend, just up and decide that I wasn't worth being a friend to any longer?

All are definite possibilities.
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: Arkhams Finest on October 17, 2011, 01:12:34 PM
@Mztee, I couldn't agree more.

RJ, I will be PMing you when I get back to the office.

I shall await with bated breath.
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: LaylaMonroe on October 17, 2011, 01:16:11 PM
And you shall receive +10 pts for "bated."
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: Arkhams Finest on October 17, 2011, 01:19:45 PM
The thing is that no one can, definitively, say that if she left it was "because God was not in the situation" because there's always the chance that God may not have been in  the church....well in the way He should be.   They could just have easily been a bunch of people coming together every week to go through the motions and pass judgement. It may be possible that she was met with the implied notion that she may not have been a "for real christian" for not attending as often as the more dedicated member.

We don't know if they equate how often she attended church each week with how saved she was. As far as not mentioning pray, fasting, etc. she may not have thought it relevant as her main question seems to be " why did someone whom I thought was my friend, just up and decide that I wasn't worth being a friend to any longer?

That's the question.

Maybe her friend thought witnessing consists of passing out flyers to people on the street.

Tangent: I have found that stopping random people and giving them flyers/trying to witness isn't the best way to win people to the Lord.  The chances of someone reading the flyer or stopping to receive your witness and be converted are very slim.  The best way is to be a light to those you work with, are friends with, and generally come into contact with during your life.  These are much more effective ways than "cold calling".  This girl's former friend has taken her light away and left her hurting and groping in the darkness.
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: Arkhams Finest on October 17, 2011, 01:23:17 PM
And you shall receive +10 pts for "bated."

Larue,

Are these points redeemable?  Is there a prize?  How many more points do I need to pass sjon, seeing as I have no chance in the post count category.

Please advise.

Regards,
Rj
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: mztee09 on October 17, 2011, 01:26:17 PM
I hear you on that one, witnessing starts with the person and who they are. Even a stranger may be more responsive to what you do as opposed to what you say, or the tracks you give them. 
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: sjonathan02 on October 17, 2011, 01:27:30 PM
I hear you on that one, witnessing starts with the person and who they are. Even a stranger may be more responsive to what you do as opposed to what you say, or the tracks you give them.

I agree with the above poster.
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: kodacolor on October 17, 2011, 06:49:26 PM
Idk.  I think this young lady is in a spiritually toxic situation at her current church.  I'm willing to bet if you put her in a church that's Bible believing, Bible teaching, truly about developing their relationship with Christ, and the members treat each other like brothers and sisters, if she was saved to begin with, something will be rekindled inside of her.  If not, you could get back to her in a month or two and she'll be like, "nice church, very nice people, made some good friends, nice music, nice sermons, but still church is...meh."  (Either that or perhaps there's a TON of church hurt here that needs to be dealt with.)

People who are more mature in Christ can think more clearly in these situations like, "this situation is toxic for me.  I know I have family here, but it's hindering my relationship with Christ.  Time to move."

I kinda feel that if this young lady has had such a hard time making friends in the past, the prospect of going to somewhere else with people who are supposed to believe the same thing, and have the same morals as the people who are hurting her scares her.  Should she be dependent upon people to guide her through her relationship with God?  No, but it seems like she's at that point where she would need a guide before venturing out on her own.* 

(* = based on a situation I had with a friend and a situation from my childhood.  My friend asked me how to pray and didn't know how to answer in a way that was helpful because I was taught how to pray coming up.  IMO, praying is easy however people who haven't done it before need to be walked through it.  You can't just say, "Geez!  Bow your head and close your eyes and say stuff!" cause not only is that inaccurate, it doesn't teach anybody anything, and it just pisses of the person.  Also, when I was younger I was hesitant about studying the Bible by myself because I figured it would be easy to misinterpret stuff and I didn't want to learn incorrectly so I opted for Bible Study.  Obviously she can't go to Bible study where she's at and I think she need a friend to help her move on to another church)
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: csedwards2 on October 17, 2011, 09:02:16 PM
praying is simply talking to God. Start there
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: kodacolor on October 17, 2011, 10:12:28 PM
praying is simply talking to God. Start there

I did.
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: SavnBass on October 18, 2011, 07:12:16 AM
Just going to church has nothing to do with being spiritual.  A good friend would encourage you to not only go but live the life that is pleasing to God outside of church.  I would suggest that you seek and find a church where you can become an ACTIVE member.  Active participation in the ministry would afford you a more meaningful purpose in church.  Pray that God will lead you to such a place where the superficial things are not forced upon you.  There is a love for all things Godly that must be obtained as well.  Once this is accomplished, your church attendance will never be an issue.  Finally my prayer is that you get a hunger and thirst after righteousness for there's a promise unto you under those conditions.

Be blessed In Jesus Name.

+10

There is nothing like having a purpose for going to church. It sounds on the surface as if going there to worship should be enough.. but there is more to it than that.. We can worship him anywhere. We are instructed to go to church to lift up others and be lifted up by others.. to serve and be served to.. and that becomes an additional part of our worship..  The thing you need to ask yourself is.. and be honest.. where is your relationship to your maker at this moment.. and go from there. The other stuff is fluff, smoke and mirrors.. and just be advised that if you indeed are a "friend" of GOD then you will be friendly with others.. even if there are some that you may chose to stay away from ... like that judgmental friend but you cant walk tat walk in a vacuum.. by yourself.
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: LaylaMonroe on October 18, 2011, 07:19:51 AM
Thanks Savn and Hasmo. It was good to re-read Hasmo's comment and yours really blessed me too, Savn. Both of you encouraged me. I hope the young lady gets to see those comments and finds her way to a church that can help her grow and build her faith, strengthening her relationship in Christ and the BOC. Thanks, guys.
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: Arkhams Finest on October 18, 2011, 08:17:04 AM
It sounds on the surface as if going there to worship should be enough.. but there is more to it than that.. We can worship him anywhere. We are instructed to go to church to lift up others and be lifted up by others.. to serve and be served to.. and that becomes an additional part of our worship..  

Quoted for emphasis epicness.
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: Arkhams Finest on October 18, 2011, 09:52:38 AM
1st part in bold - to clarify, are you saying that if a person doesn't want to go to church, they don't have a relationship with the Lord? (Just trying to get to your bottom line on that).

Yes.   If I'm in an intimate relationship with someone, I would have no problem going to their house...no matter HOW much I talk to them.    ;)

I was glad when they said unto me, Let us go into the house of the LORD...but homegirl wasn't.   :D :D :D

I was wrong to just say outright that if you don't want to go you don't know God.

While not wanting to go to church is very often indicative of not having a relationship with the Lord, things aren't always so black and white.  Like most rules, there are exceptions.

There are people with trust issues.  There are people who have been hurt by other saints.  There are people who are currently stuck in 'placeholder' churches until the Lord directs them to the church home he has for them.  It is quite possible for someone to have a relationship with the Lord and still not want to go to church for these reasons.

Here's the hard part though.

Want to go or not, YOU STILL HAVE TO GO.

You have to go because the book of Hebrews says "And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near." (NLT Translation)

You have to go because He gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers.  Why did He give different people these giftings?  For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ.

And as SavnBass so eloquently put it...

It sounds on the surface as if going there to worship should be enough.. but there is more to it than that.. We can worship him anywhere. We are instructed to go to church to lift up others and be lifted up by others.. to serve and be served to.. and that becomes an additional part of our worship.

So I have zero right to tell anybody they don't have a relationship with the Lord because they don't want to go to church, or because they don't attend a church.  That was out of place.

I can say, however, that if you have forsaken the assembly you should get back.

She wasn't wrong for not wanting to go.  She was wrong because she stopped going.
Title: Re: Not good enough a friend because im not spiritual enough
Post by: LaylaMonroe on October 18, 2011, 10:00:32 AM
Wow.

I literally just came back to my desk. I was walking around outside just thinking and praying and stuff, and I said "wow, I actually know four people who firmly believe that if you don't want to go to church, you don't have a relationship with the Lord." I will admit I really had a hard time with that. I just can't wrap my brain around it. Came back inside and saw this. I feel a lot better.

Thanks for sharing that, RJ. And fwiw, I can agree with all that, and I'm really glad you said that.